Ninjago; If I Was Your Girlfriend

When He Calls - Kai

I sighed, turning over onto my back on my bed and staring at the ceiling. Things have been strange lately and I've been having lots of strange thoughts. I left Kai's about a week ago, and since then, shit has gone down with the ninja. Every girl had gone through a traumatic event and L/G/N and Z/G/N had actually just returned from their ordeals.

Kai said tensions at the shop were high and L/G/N had moved out yesterday so Cole was extra depressed and Lloyd was being problematic by not making a bigger deal out of her leaving. I found out all this over text and I could tell Kai was frustrated and tired, him and Jay and Zane being bystanders to everything happening and not knowing what to do. As far as I knew, the three of them and Nya left the monastery this morning to hang out away from the two ninja.

I liked Nya. We never hung out a lot on our own but I have gotten coffee with just her. It's nice to be friends with your boyfriend's sister, especially since she's all Kai has. It warms my heart that Kai visits my grandmother regularly for the same reason. That's the same with L/G/N and C/G/N, too. They go out for coffee and rant about Cole.

I'm not supposed to know that.

I puffed out my cheeks and blew a raspberry, then turning onto my side to stare at the beautiful scenery of the trees in the park outside. 

I was bored, but I didn't want to do anything. I was nervous for Kai and the ninja about all of us, because we had all been kidnapped and hurt in different ways. I had been to therapy several times to talk about everything that happened, and I text Kai about everything that's on my mind. He does his best to console me, but when I need time he understands and backs off.

But today... I don't know what I needed today.

I finally stood up and walked over to the balcony doors. I wanted to open them, but I didn't. I wanted to sleep, but I didn't. I didn't know what I wanted. I had been struggling with this a lot.

I closed my eyes briefly before letting my judgement get the better of me. I grabbed the phone out of my hoodie pocket and immediately texted Kai. I needed to hear from him.

I'm having the thoughts again.

Which ones? You don't know what you need or you don't think you deserve it?

I sighed, finally opening the door on my balcony and sitting with my back against the rail. I pulled my knees to my chest and started to respond.

I don't know what I want, or need, or anything. I'm confused.

Have you eaten today?

I'm not hungry.

Please eat something. I'm nearby, I can drop something off.

You're with your friends.

They worry about you

I don't know if I'm hungry. I don't know what I want

You're confused. You've been through a lot. It made you question everything.

I didn't go through as much as the others.

You aren't going to compare your battles.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, letting my phone hang out of my hand. I stopped responding for many minutes but opened my eyes when I heard my phone ringing. I looked down and saw a picture of Kai and I smiling at each other and I pursed my lips, pressed answer, and lifted it to my ear. 

"Hey."

"Hi, Kai."

"Are you okay? We're in the city so we're near if - "

"I'll be fine, Kai."

"That's not what I asked, Y/N. I'm worried about you. I'm so worried about you. I want you to be okay. I want you to sleep at night without needing lavender and melatonin. I want you to be able to eat. I want you to be able to make decisions without fearing the worst. I want - "

"We want the same things, Kai," I whispered, feeling incredibly weak in my place. "I don't know what to do."

"What did your therapist say at your appointment today?"

I shrugged and started pulling at a loose threat on my t-shirt. "She said I need to distract myself. Said I should pick up a pencil and start sketching."

"And did you?"

I shook my head but because he couldn't see me, I took a deep breath and answered: "No, I made a blanket corner on my balcony instead."

I could hear Kai huff on the other end and I felt my heart begin to clench and my air slip away. A tear fell onto my cheek. "What can I do?"

I let out a sharp cry, "I don't know, Kai."

"I'm so scared, I-I'm so tired all the time a-and I don't know how to get over all this. I haven't eaten today and I don't even want to open my sketchbook because I don't know if I'll ever be good enough and - "

By the time I had finished my rant, someone's hands were pulling me up and tugging me into them. I cried into Kai's shirt, realizing that he had walked into my apartment as fast as he could while ditching his friends just to hold me. 

I'm thankful for him. I wouldn't be able to do this on my own.