Jesse's Girl (COMPLETE)

Chapter 3

* Catherine *

After school ended I made my way home, my brother had texted me earlier telling me that something had come up with his fight and that he was leaving today.

'So much for a few days' I muttered to myself as I walked along the footpath headed towards my lonely, empty home.

As I was leaving school, Beau had caught up to me and offered me a ride home with him and Knox, which I politely declined.

So here I was walking slowly, in no rush to get back to my empty house.

I liked to tell myself I really did enjoy the exercise and that's why I chose to walk home this afternoon but if I was truely being honest with myself I knew that wasn't the reason why I declined his offer to drop me home. Deep down I knew, I knew Beau was getting close, a little too close. From his arm wrapped around my waist at lunch last week to the casual hand on my leg in English class today, it was all too much. Just the simple thought of his innocent actions caused my heart rate to spike, my skin to crawl and the knots of anxiety to tighten in my stomach. Although he was sweet and funny and god damn was he sexy, I just couldn't help how my body reacted to even the slightest touch of his.

Yes, I decided Beau was getting too comfortable with me and I knew I had to distant myself from him.

'Maybe I'll have to switch up my lunch seating tomorrow' I thought dryly to myself.

As I continued on my walk home I couldn't help but think about the girl I had become. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some silly, innocent naive little girl, far from it actually. Both my mind and body matured quite quickly. I was well aware of sex, drugs, booze and boys and all the fun that went with them.

In fact, I had often indulged in all of those vices, either on there own or all at once. If I'm being honest with myself, I probably indulged more times then I should have, but just not here.

Not in my home town.

In small towns people talk and people judge and I didn't want to risk losing control, not here. I couldn't let anyone know what happened that night, especially my family.

You know trauma is a funny thing and to be honest most, if not all people can't fully comprehend the enormous impact it will have on every aspect of their life until it actually happens to them. It's easier to sit back in their untainted, idealistic worlds and say that there's a right way and wrong way to deal with trauma, to work past the pain. Some uneducated assholes even go so far as to say you should just suck it up and move on.

It might sound like a jaded view of the world, but it's the truth. After all I used to think that way.

With everything that I have been through, I've come to realise though the truth of the matter is recovery isn't black and white, it's individual and it's messy. It's being black out drunk to the point where you don't even know your own name to sitting in a psychologist's office talking about your feelings and all the fucked up shit in between. Trauma will push you to the brink of nothingness and if you allow it, it will swallow you whole. So no, there isn't a right way or a wrong way to deal with your pain, to work through the never ending hurt, there is just a vast number of paths one can take to heal, granted some paths to healing are more healthy than others.

I guess that's why I am the way that I am.

Two years ago I was your textbook teenage girl. My family and I live in a small country town and we would spend our weekends at the little holiday home my family owned by the beach. It was just a two hour drive away and it was like heaven on earth. I was a shy and reserved teenage girl who was too embarrassed to step outside of my shell. I spent all of my time with my best friend Izzy, she and I were inseparable and we told each other everything. We would shop and gossip and day dream about boys, life was going exactly like it should.

Then it happened.

Now it's like I'm two different people.

Since that night over two years ago, I would spend my weekdays in my home town. I would get up each day and go to school and just be plain old Catherine, I would just exist.

As soon as that final school bell rang on a Friday afternoon I was out the door lightening quick, heading straight to the bus station to catch the 4pm bus to the coast. I would try and rest my eyes during the trip because as soon as I arrived I knew shit was going to get crazy.

After that night, every time my bus had pulled into the Gold Coast station his was the first face I saw. He never once complained, he never whined or moaned. He just sat patiently waiting for me to arrive.

My saviour.

At the thought of Joe my chest started to feel tight and my breathing became laboured, I stopped in my tracks and closed my eyes as I slumped down against a nearby tree.

*** Flashback ***

'Welcome to the Gold Coast, enjoy your stay' the bus driver's robotic voice echoed through the speakers of the old bus.

As the doors of the bus opened I quickly jumped up out of my seat and grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder as I hurried out, trying to contain my excitement. Stepping out into the bus station my eyes darted around the almost empty terminal looking for a certain blonde haired blue eyed boy.

'Baby girl, I missed you' Joe whispered as he snuck up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, causing me to jump in surprise.

It took everything within me not to squeal in delight.

Hearing his cheeky voice in my ear a huge smile spread across my face as I spun around in his arms and  wrapped my arms around his neck.

'You get more and more beautiful every time I see you baby girl' he smiled at me, a truely genuine smile that had his dimples showing and his pearly white teeth on full display.

'Joe' I let out in a breathy whisper before his lips claimed mine, his arms holding me so tightly it felt like if he let me go I would disappear.

*** Flashback Over ***

After taking several deep breathes I finally steadied myself and continued on my way, once again letting my mind wander.

Its hard to explain how after suffering through something so life changing I could still return to the city where it happened, you would think I would run as far as I could from that place and never return. In fact is was the complete opposite, I never wanted to leave and when I did it felt like the darkness was once again consuming me, trying to swallow me whole.

But it really wasn't the city that had that affect on me, it was him.

My saviour.

My Joe.

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