Something about you (Norminah)

Chapter Twenty Three

"So Wifey87 says, 'I'm a divorcee in my thirties and I am the church secretary and I also sing in the church choir. I've been hooking up with the choir director after Wednesday night practices. He had to leave early one Wednesday night to look after his mother so, I stayed back to catch up on some work. The pastor who is married but very sexy, called me into his office and to cut a long story short, I started hooking up with him. I am now pregnant, I don't know who the father is and the pastor is threatening to fire me if I have the baby. What should I do?"

"There's no way that's real. Is that person serious?"

Max leaned forward. "I have many questions, chief among them being, was she hooking up with them in church? I know it doesn't affect the story in anyway, but I need clarity."

"While we wait to see if we'll get an answer, what are your thoughts?"

Normani laughed. "Okay so Wifey87 if you're listening, you have all the leverage here. He can't fire you based on him potentially getting you pregnant and you refusing to get an abortion. You have that baby if you want to have that baby. But, I would suggest that even if you remain employed there, don't go to that church anymore, for your own peace of mind. If you do have the baby, find out who the father is and get that child support once the baby is born. But also we need to know where the hook ups were taking place?"

"She says in church with the pastor, at a motel with the choir director," I answered.

"Man of God," Max mumbled. "Okay on a serious note, I think Normani's advice is pretty solid in this case."

"I have no words," Lauren mumbled.

I shrugged, "okay next question. BelltheBiLlama says, 'I was in a relationship with a woman for three years and during that time our families got really close. She cheated on me and we ended up splitting a month ago. But her family still talk to me and I guess I want to know how to handle the family part of the break up.' What do we think?"

"This is a tough one," Lauren began, "I went through a similar situation where I met his daughter even and things became super serious and after that relationship ended, I not only had to let go of him but his family too."

"How did you handle that?" Normani asked quietly.

"There's still a relationship, but it had to change drastically. I went from potentially being a step mom to being something between a confidant and a mentor. But in our case, I'm friends with my ex now so we were able to do that."

"See when the break up isn't straight forward, and there's a betrayal of trust, then sometimes it's best to let go of those relationships, at least for the time being because that's just a painful reminder of what you lost."

"And no matter what, that's still your ex's mom and their little sister or whatever, and it might actually be uncomfortable for your ex, the same way that it might be uncomfortable for you if your family is still chopping it up with this person who betrayed you."

I nodded, "speaking from the experience of someone who has an ex in their life because of how close our families are, it can be very uncomfortable. So I'd say if you're going to break up with the family, then let them know that your current head space doesn't allow for a relationship with them. If you genuinely feel like there might be space for a relationship in the future, then make it clear that you need space for the time being. And when you do eventually resume those relationships, boundaries are important. Accept that the relationship won't be the same. And don't be surprised if they decide to step back when your ex brings someone new home, the same way that your family would."

"Yeah I think the best principle in all this is do what you'd want your ex to do when it comes to your family. And definitely embrace the change. Change is inevitable and it isn't always destructive."