Seeking SOMNUS

53.

THEO

It is usually mesmerising the essence of snowfall in the environment. The cold breeze and soothing swirls in atmosphere. The rays of sun reflect on the shiny surfaces of snow, glittering the texture. The trees were coloured white with the layers. The shadows they cast were another form of irony in chilling weather. No words for the weather of winter as it is beautiful and dark at the same time.

"Are you sure Theo? I mean how about think again with the calm mind?" Erick jolted me out of my observations of the nature beyond the walls of our school. The scenery of that day was misty and beautiful. I just finished explaining myself why I was going to accept Jackson's deal to Erick. Although he didn't know what the letter said, but he knew by then I read it all. His concern was absolutely valid according to my behaviour. But no way in current world I could calm my rage again. It was fuel to my mind. I couldn't let those culprits go. They have already enjoyed plenty of years of freedom. Not anymore.

"Theo hey! Think again mate, you're just nineteen." He snapped front of my eyes. I heard him at the first time, just didn't know how to put my reasons in words anymore.

"Erick you told me, you'd stay by my side no matter what I decide in the end. Well it's my decision. I'm going to accept that deal. It's your turn you tell me, you wanna stay or back off. You are free to do anything you like." I expressed my interest. It was stiff as stone, I wasn't backing off. But now it was up to him whether he want to join me or stay out of it.

"Erick, it was not going to be easy. Probably it will be messier and nastier than we think. You have a choice right now. Choose yourself." I made an attempt to push him away. What if I bring danger to him that he wouldn't want? I never wanted anyone else I care about get hurt.

"I'm in. If you'd die in the end, I'll die with you. Moreover I don't trust Jackson. So I'm not backing off." Erick blunted with confidence laced in his voice. He stayed being a best mate to me and I could never show enough gratitude for that. I was heartfelt and concerned both altogether for him. Though it was his choice. And I couldn't deny that I needed him too.

"Theo what about her?" Erick asked after staying quiet for a moment. And I felt an urge of guilt in my stomach. I have decided something but it was as sinful as the Satan's deeds.

"I know exactly what I will do about it." I replied without making any eye contact.

"Theo remember last time what happened? I want you to be happy, don't fuck anything." He said with pure tone of intensity. And I vividly reminisced the dreadful incident. It still stands the hairs at the back of my neck. I never really wished that to repeat ever again.

It pretty much sums up Erick's actions for saving my grace. His endless efforts to trying to protect this one pure thing I got. I had to do the same. The incident of last time I pushed aside farther away. It was not the time to think about that.

"Nothing was my fault. And Clara is polar opposite." I convinced him, rather deep inside I convinced myself more.

"Yet you're too afraid. You're not accepting what your heart speaks. I'm not blaming you either. But don't let that mere tragedy ruin what's  waiting for you ahead. Don't let it scare you now Theo. You deserve what you have this time. You deserve it all." He could see right through me. And I couldn't argue with him at all. I had no words to talk back.

"She is poised and pure human Theo." Erick continued. I open-heartedly accepted it. I believed it too.

"I know." I said in the end.

The school bell rang and caused the rush around us. In hallway and kind of at all the other places. We were sitting at the same table in the canteen as we had that period free. It was the break time now. The canteen packed full within few minutes. But my eyes were searching someone else in the crowd. Our other friends joined us instead.