Seeking SOMNUS

13.

“
Are you deranged like me?
Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
”
•••••

*Third person perspective*

The rain is same. As that very day I remember vividly. I screamed my lungs out. There was no breath left in me to take. Rain was showing it's best and worst simultaneously. I shouldn't cause the Chaos I did. It was my fault, yet no one's blaming. But who needs anyone when your mind and heart both accepted it. Your heart explains you, it was a mistake, you should move on. But mind still screams and blames and regret and sorrow of everything. It's a chamber of visions and memories of that night I'm locked in. No where to go. No where to escape. One entire eternity of hell. Eternity of grief. I might want to get over, but nothing I could do about it.

Clara was constantly having images and visuals of the day that turned her life upside down. Shattered her life including her mind, heart and soul into tiny pieces. She kept on asking her fate what was her fault in this all. What did she do wrong, that whole destiny wronged her?

It was not even night but dark clouds covered the sky tremendously that no trace of sun or it's ray could be found. Harsh rain, and thunder were setting her heart on fire bonded with storm. Everytime she shut her eyes, the visuals of that specific day came to life and killing her all over again.

She was human, she forgot that. She was silently wishing to run away from her life and leave everything behind, this world and all these ruthless thoughts. But there was another part inside her body, resist her for doing anything rubbish. That part only keep her sane and sounded. Although slightly it was degrading in her. Before it leave her forever and unleash her demonic side with full of insanity. She needed to save it. Save that fragile nano connection of her, with herself, with human core of herself.

She blinked multiple times then texted Theo for finally speaking her mind. And facing her fear and grief.

Her hands were shivering and her heart was beating out of her chest. She could feel chills running all over her body and it was kind of living some past incident without her will.

She was praying that this particular phase end soon, but now she's been living it for days and days. Lost the count on it but bearing the pain like every moment was a curse to her soul.

She was brave and strong and going on but she was only human, there were time she lose herself and faces the breakdown which tells her this rest another part of journey is not going to be straight and easy.

After having the whole imagines and images in darkest way possible in her head, she received the text from the person, she didn't know how and from when, became the most needed person for her.

*Tell me everything.
You want to talk now or a little later?*

Now. She needed to talk exact that moment.

She has seen the text but didn't reply because she didn't comprehend anything yet in her mind to say. She just knew she was fine enough to tell but what to tell and how to start! She got no idea for that.

*NOW*

She texted back, without reverse knowledge of any possible outcome. Just she thought, she would stammer but she would speak and scream out everything that's boiling inside her. The contents and matters which were about to reach it's threshold stage.

After few minutes of thinking back and forth. Rushing around the room, glaring holes in walls, panic just entered her system and speed up everything. Then her phone rang.

"Hey! Um.. I'm sorry for disturbing you this hour of the day but I guess I should now say that out. Throw everything out. " She answered the call and speak first knowing why she got this call. The person on the other side was tensed and panicked –Theo. He was worrying about her. And concerned equally that what worse could be reason of her mess and condition.

"Okay. But how? I mean you wanna meet or continue on here, on this call?" He wisely choose his words not to sound so desperate and avoid anything that could make her uncomfortable over her already troubled self.

"I don't know. I don't think so I can talk on call. And according to the weather outside we couldn't meet either. I can't text those also. Because.. uh.. because I don't know." She didn't even know what was she saying. Just the words running out of her mouth and mess was becoming the protagonist of her whole being. "Oh damn! There is no way to escape. I'm doomed and broke and done." She breathed deeply with ache in her chest.

"Oh.. umm.. wait there.. Fine I'll try to come at your place if it would not be a problem. If that's okay, text me your address." After making various scenarios Theo decided to take the risk for her. Because somewhere he knew she was the one and only person that could keep his mind sane. And keeping it sane by far perfectly, so why he wouldn't do something in return selflessly.

She was wondered but at the same time pangs of concern for him stopped her. There was no danger alert announced in the town yet the weather was extreme in it's place.

"Umm.. let it be. I'll be fine. We'll talk later" she rejected him to come over in this disastrous rain.

"Could you please just send me?" He nearly screamed in concern. He could feel she was not herself and she was losing her mind. He knew that feeling so he decided to go for it.

"Ok. I'll text you" she half-heartedly replied.

"Be fine. I'll be there soon" he tried to make her feel better. But could not really succeeded much.

After half an hour of thinking and processing the things, she at last texted him the address.

She was not sure if it was good idea or this was gonna mess things up more than they already were. But she was getting no relief from her panic. So this was actually seemed like last way to take.

He was the one she could rely on. She felt that truly. He was the one came first with his troubles and asked her for help. He had faith on her. He believed her and told her about dark side of his life. She could share too, the things those are killing her deeply. Maybe not everything but that much that could help her soul to feel lighten up and relaxed.

That was not too much to ask. And slightly it wasn't unfair to anything. Her breath was still uneven but her body felt little less shivering than she felt before. She was no more running in the room restlessly. She was tired and now lying on her bed silently. She shut her eyes and deep thoughts and feelings taken over all of her mind.

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