Seeking SOMNUS

4.

"Ryan, tell the coach I can't come to morning practice session. I'm busy." I called my teammate and gang mate, Ryan.

"Boy, he won't allow this. We gotta match coming next week bro.", He replied having unsatisfying tension.

"He will. Because it's me. Bye." He was about to say something I knew, but I hung up in between. I didn't want to give him any reason why I couldn't be in the field. I thought I will give some feasible reason to coach later. Obviously if I tell him I'm not coming because of a coffee 'sort of date', he would fire me from the team in seconds.

I reached my locker put the stuffs of the history class and made my way to cafeteria, actually named as "Can's_Teen". What a sick name!

I ran my eyes into the whole cafeteria in search of her and found her sitting near the window table, alone. I move towards her table but she didn't notice me.

"Hey" I said kicking her thoughts aside. "May I?", I said gesturing towards the seat opposite to hers.

"Yea of course"

"So,"

"You're late, I ordered cappuccino for us already. Will that be okay?", she said .

"Yea yea It'll be fine." All I managed to say.

"Let's do this. Start" she held a posture.

"What? I didn't get it" I was never been more confused and kinda nervous around anyone like I was around her.

"You were, like having an entire list of questions on me. So I thought we should have a seat face to face and get a chat show." She raised one eyebrow and beat the crap out of all my curiosity.

"Uh.. I didn't mean any of that... Like that.. you know.. umm.." I stammered horribly and it was the time English left my side. Couldn't even frame a single sentence.

"Gosh, man.. why don't you just understand little joke. Sarcasm. You got seriously terrible sense of humour." And she started laughing. This girl always shut me for nothing.
But it was cool, her humour.

"I lost ability to think, laugh, mock and everything that I used to be amazing at." I politely confessed. And was trying to defend my part from her comment.

"No dude, then you're wrong. If something's happening with you and you yourself not doing anything to get rid of that, then you're wrong. You know sometimes sanity is hidden in most insane thing ever." Whatever she just said in one proper line, that hit me. I got a condition of which I didn't even know the reason. But I wanted me to be healed and the same me did absolutely nothing that could turn out as a source that would heal me properly. This was me somewhere on the line in my mind, didn't want to be cured. Or remedy seems non- viable.

Everything that made no sense till this morning now actually showing me the way in that exact senseless route.

"I think you're right." I agreed totally. "What can be the reason?"

"You should better know that." She replied.
And cappuccino arrived, making situation more calmed.

"You know I too, can't sleep at nights but I know why I can't and I am working on it." She said taking sip from her cup.

"That's actually lucky. I'm totally disgrace in disguise of fame."

"This could be the reason. You don't love yourself and whatever anyone tells you wrong about yourself, you take that seriously and starts huge mind problem - overthinking."
She seemed relaxed. And every single word of her made sense.

"But I love myself. I have no doubt in that. I am in human interactions since forever. People say rubbish and unacceptable things about me. And I never give a flying fuck about it. That's for sure." I made my part clear, because I knew this could not be a reason that's for sure.