Seeking SOMNUS

7.

“I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning 'round me just the same”

•••

I entered in total rush, and the same receptionist with bored face, greeted me, "Again your friend?"

"Umm.. it is for me."

I didn't say anything else and neither did I go to chairs in the corner. I filled the form right there, mentioning in it Monday to Thursday, and blah! Every other detail. She shook her head and accepted it.

"Friday" I cussed under my breath, no one can ever, I repeat ever cuss Friday but I was in the variety of situation where, my Friday was gonna be a dead day.

Because I got no classes of history and calculus today, above of that, Clara filled the form for leave last day so there were aa petite possibility I could find her in school. Phone number, I didn't have it.

It couldn't get any worse.

First half of the day got finished. I was already restless and total freak since the morning. Everybody must have noticed that. But people around me made no sense when my mind lost its senses and control. It was break time. And Erick was keep on trying to boost up my mood but once in history his hysterical actions failed to make me feel any better. Other boys were also concerned but I couldn't do anything else but to feel sorry.

"Man, you're not fine. Not at all. How long has this been going on, your insomnia and this all might-be-depression stuff. I think more than me, you need a full pack holidays." Erick said after making all those efforts to bringing up my happy side. And everybody nodded. I was on our usual table in canteen with my friends say, gang mates.

"Yea, I am taking leave for next week. Till Thursday. I hope things will get well, soon." I replied in monotone. With having no emotion or anything at all. I heard, Ryan was saying something regarding to my leave but I avoided it.

Then I suddenly caught her in my gaze. I saw her taking something from food counter. But the most important matter was, she was present in school. First time in the day I got a feeling of relief inside my body.

I stood up, caught myself off guard and ran towards her faster than I could.

"Hey, hey... Clara" I literally bumped into her but she was well balanced and managed that to make it less embarrassing.

And after this stunt of mine, whole cafeteria's eyes were on us. If birds and walls count, those too were looking at us.

"Hello, to you too. Wow, you're kinda master in making mess around yourself. Look at you, you're a jerk." She chuckled then shrugged me off and was not at all bothered by people around her. She simply walked at the same table we were sitting last day.

"What you think you're doin' dude? So many girls tried to hit on you and you always shake them off, and right now you in-literal hit on someone. Like baam! What's going on? I need an explanation." Erick ran up to me, at the point where I was rooted to ground and asked me. He was shocked and totally knew by then, that something was up between me and her.

"Hey, umm.. Erick, I'll tell you everything. But in a while. Later." And I walked across the room towards her table. Leaving my friend right there. Other friends on the table. I was not caring about anyone and anything, like I was the most selfish brat ever.

"I.. uh.. I need to talk." I cleared my throat and took a seat in front of her.

"I got no problem with that, but I am not actually into the fact of getting death glares by your fan girls. See. Around you." She said, looking around us.

"I really don't care. If you're not okay here, let's go out somewhere else and talk. I request you. Please." I was frowning and on the edge of losing all temper and control I was slightly left with.

"No, it's alright. First thing, one should learn in the route of getting relief or we can say peace, is to not give a fuck about people. I got no problem." She calmly answered and taking a sip of her cup, she had. I assumed it was the same thing as yesterday. But seriously who cares.

"So. I wanted to tell you-" she stopped me in the middle.

"Don't. Don't do that" she said, pointing somewhere on my forehead.
"Don't frown. It's a sign of restlessness and stress. I know you are both of them, but try not to feel that so damn hard. At least you just don't crease your brows together. Free your mind by your gestures. I guess you can do that. It's voluntary after all."

I went silent for minutes. Focusing back and forth between my head and her.

"So you were saying?" She gave me enough time and then politely asked me to continue.

"I think I know, what's in there, and it's now more troublesome matter for me", I signed at my head and I felt nowhere else I could go to calm myself down. "Shit's getting worse. It's like, I'm on uphill battle, which I'm already losing. There is no other way where I could go. I feel like I'm under a huge rock, that's not gonna, never gonna move away from me. It stuck on me, I'm stuck under it. And it feels heavier and heavier."

"Okay. I see. You need a therapist." She raised her brows slightly, showed concern. "You know, I am feeling good. Because now you know what's the reason. I tried one thing, to do good to someone and here you found your reason. Obviously it's not happy for you, not at all but believe me you're going to be better. No one said, the way is gonna be easy. It might be harsher than it was before you knew anything, but end will be wonderful. Because whatever we start, we always seeking for the end. You wanted to end this loath, you started yourself. Don't you?" She just replied. Putting full stop to those thoughts. Looking deeply in my soul.

"I.. I don't want to see therapist. But I have to if this bullshit won't leave in a week." I informed her. I had no answer to everything else she just said. And that made sense to me but I was speechless.

"What, why whole week?" She wondered.

"My mum, knows about this. Although she doesn't know it that I'm not sleeping for weeks now. But kind of, in short she knows it. So I got this last week, or else I'm going to see the doctor after that." I sounded like second grade mumma's boy but I didn't care. Not at that moment because already my mind was full of other issues. And I am a mumma's boy and I'm proud of it.

"So you were uh.. hiding it. Why? Well it's good she knows it now. You were depriving her from her rights. Isn't that wrong?" What, how can this be a thing now? I mind got blocked. Am I? Really?

"It's okay. You now need to cure this. How can I help? First completely cure this then, tell her everything." She curved her lips then leaned in. "You had anything yet? In meal I mean?"

"No... Not yet.. I was about to" I stammered. I would like twenty four seven stammer, if I am with her.

"No. You're lying. You were not gonna have ANYTHING", she grinned exaggerating the word 'anything'. And that was true. Another pretty good side affect of all this condition of mine was my lost of appetite. "Let's have some food. Then dig deep into the situation we got here. Do you have this another hour free?"

"Uhh"

Yea, shit here we go again. My coach will kill me now. My mind, mind- palm itself.

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Lots of love for everyone who support me this far.