𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙠𝙮𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨

• help me •

You were one of the most talented Jedi Knights with the potential to become the greatest, with an understanding of the Force matched by few others. You were trained by Mace Windu, after all, who imparted his knowledge and wisdom unto you and taught you discipline and control. That was until you were 17 years old, when Count Dooku kidnapped you.

You were held captive by his soldiers for two years before the Jedi finally killed Dooku and tracked you down.

It left you with trauma, pain, and a whole lot of anger. Not only that, but you had been forced to wear Force-repressing handcuffs for the entirety of your capture. This depleted your skills and you almost forgot what it was like to use the Force.

Anakin Skywalker was celebrated as a hero for being the one that found the Lost Jedi. Once your competition, he had now excelled and been given the title of Jedi Master. You were infinitely grateful to him, but there was some resentment deep down when you saw that he had become one of the most powerful Jedi Masters the galaxy had seen. While you were proud of him, you couldn't help but feel jealous. That was supposed to be your title, but you were reduced down to nothing after Dooku stole your freedom and your power.

The Jedi welcomed you back with open arms and were delighted to have you home safe and alive, but you couldn't help but feel out of place. Windu offered to reteach you what you had forgotten, but you felt ashamed that his star student was now less skilled than the younglings. 

Instead, you practiced alone. It was slow, and depressing, but it was your only choice. You couldn't leave the Jedi Order - you couldn't let Dooku steal the only thing you were proud of. While Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi travelled the galaxy on fantastical missions and saving lives, you spent your days sitting in your room attempting (and failing) to levitate a pencil. When you tried to use the Force, it usually ended with you growing frustrated and breaking something.

You had begun to hate yourself for being so weak. 

One evening, you were outside the back of the Jedi Temple, trying to use the Force. You had some pebbles sitting in front of you, ranging from small to large. Raising your hand to the smallest one, you closed your eyes and took in a breath before attempting to lift it up. You felt something coarse through you, but it felt weak. Opening your eyes, you saw that it was barely a few millimetres off the ground. It then suddenly dropped, and so did your spirits.

"For fuck's sake," You grumbled, repeatedly slapping your forehead. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Don't do that," A voice called out from behind you.

Your eyes widened and you turned around to see Anakin with his eyebrows furrowed. You were immediately filled with embarrassment. You turned back around to face away from him, hating how vulnerable you felt. "Um... Okay. I won't. Bye, then."

"Y/N," Anakin said, making you inwardly sigh. Why couldn't he just leave you to wallow in your own self-pity? "I understand you're having some trouble."

"It's nothing," You said, folding your arms across your chest as the evening breeze began to blow a little colder. "I'll be fine, I just need to practice. Alone."

"You're angry; I can feel that," He stated softly. Thought it sounded to you like he was bragging, you knew he had the purest intentions. "You won't get anywhere if you let your emotions control you."

Tears brimmed in your eyes. "Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?" You yelled, turning back to face him. "I- I can't help but feel so fucking angry at what Dooku did, at what those soldiers did to me. And I can't even take it out on them because they're all dead. And that should have given me some relief, but it just pisses me off even more that they're gone and I still can't fucking focus my mind!" Anakin frowned as you spoke, your breaths becoming short. "It has been months and I still have stupid nightmares, and the smallest things can transport me right back to being in that cell. The other day, a Padawan kicked a can over, and I almost had a heart attack at the sound. I had to sit in a room alone for an hour trying to calm myself down."