Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Six Degrees of Separation

My light flipped on, my eyes screaming from the sudden exposure. I yanked the earbuds out of my ears, and rolled over with a low growl. I cracked one eye open, allowing it to adjust to the sudden stream of brightness filling the room, before opening the other and focusing on the figure in the doorway.

It was Josh. "Sorry, did I wake you?" I shook my head in response.

"No, I was just listening to Carrie Underwood reassuring me it would all be a-okay." Good to know my sarcasm was still intact.

"Okay then. Get up, we're going somewhere," he said as he walked into my room, grabbing the picture of us and Alan from when we were in high school. "Ha! Look at Alan's hair. What a dumb ass."

I rolled my eyes at his comment. "Where are you taking me? That was awfully vague, Joshua." I pulled the covers back and stepped out of the bed for the first time in two days; well, I had gotten up to pee, but after that - right back to bed I went.

"Just get dressed, you'll find out soon enough." I groaned and shuffled towards the closet, pulling out the first thing I came in contact with; I wasn't in the mood to look nice. I pulled on some clothes and tossed my hair up, not even bothering to glance in the mirror to view the hot mess that would be staring back at me.

I followed Josh out of the apartment to his car, neither of us speaking. Over the past few days he had done his part as the supportive big brother, telling me it was for the best, I had made the right decision, it would all work out eventually; they were things that were true, things I wanted to believe, but I wasn't quite ready to, not yet. Alan had been there, too, but I knew it wasn't easy for him. He was conflicted, and I didn't hold that against him. He was Austin's best friend. "What's going through your mind, Ty?" Josh asked, reaching to turn down the radio as he stopped a red light.

"Nothing. Everything. Anything," I replied, leaning my forehead against the cool glass window.

"It'll get better, sis. You'll get there, I promise."

I smiled a little. "I know it will. II broke up with him for a reason, and I know that, but it doesn't make it any easier. I still love him, you know, and all I want to do it call a do over and go running back." I sighed. He reached over and squeezed my shoulder knowingly, and we drove in silence from then on. "This is where we're going?" I asked in disbelief as he pulled up in front of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

"Yeah, if you're up for it. I called Mom's nurse this morning and she said she's in a great mood so I thought maybe a chat with Mom might cheer you up. And I'm going to go with you this time," he replied with a weak smile. He hadn't visited Mom at all since she had been in here; I knew he would beat himself up when he saw what it would be like in there. I was thankful for this, though. I know it would end with disappointment, but I needed to talk to my Mom, even if for only a few minutes.

We walked into the hospital, riding the elevator in silence to the 8th floor. I pulled out my visitor's pass that was somehow still at the bottom of my purse from the last time. We walked up to the counter, Sheila flashing us a smile, and I introduced her to my brother. My mom's nurse, Diane, came out and led us down the hallway towards her room.

"Jennifer, you have some visitors can they come in?" She asked as she peeked into the room.

"Well, as long as they don't mind that I don't have my makeup on then of course they can!" I heard my Mom's cheery voice echo around us. Diane ushered us in, and my Mom stood up, a smile spreading across her face. "Tyler! Oh honey, hi! What're you doing here? And Joshua! Look at you! You look so handsome, come give your Mama a hug!" Josh and I shuffled towards her; I hugged her tightly and she kissed the top of my head. She still wore the same perfume she always had, and it clung to her soft skin, making me feel at home in her arms. I pulled away and snuck a peek at Josh; he looked overwhelmed, scared, upset. He hugged her, barely putting his arms around her; it seemed as if he thought he could break her, that not only was her mind fragile, but her body was too. I motioned Josh towards the couch and the three of us took a seat. I patted Josh's knee, telling him silently that it was okay. "Ahhh my babies are looking so grown up! It makes me feel so old!" I laughed a little, and I felt Josh begin to relax next to me. "So what's new?"

"Mom, Tyler got into a performing arts school, a really good one at that," Josh piped up. I could practically hear him smiling as he spoke. My Mom's face lit up as she looked from Josh to me.

"Tyler! That's incredible! I always had a feeling you would want to pursue music! You've always been so talented!"

"It's in New York, Mom," I muttered. She just shrugged her shoulders.

"So? As long as you're happy, baby, that's all that matters. Go where you need to, do whatever it is that makes you happy, and follow your dreams. It's your life, sweetie. You don't need permission or acceptance from anyone else." I felt a tear slide down my cheeks as I listened to her speak; this is how she used to be. She didn't judge, she didn't try to reason; she believed in dreams. In this moment I had my Mom back. And Josh was right, it did cheer me up.