Stolen Identity

Chapter 17

“Don’t. Just don’t call me that” I breathe, my voice choking up painfully as I refuse to open my eyes. This heavy weight seemed to have lodged itself in my throat and it hurt to do anything- I couldn’t speak or breathe without feeling as if the weight of the world was about to collapse on top of me.

“I’m so sorry” I whisper into the silence, my eyes welling up dramatically. That familiar stinging sensation returned and I whimpered once trying to hold back the tears. A warm hand cupped my cheek soon after and I opened my eyes to see Justin looking down at me, his bright brown eyes shining as if they too were newly wet. He smiled weakly before tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, the movements all methodical and almost relaxing. My focus was completely on his touch as he tucked several strands of silky brown hair behind both ears and he wiped a stray tear that had managed to slide down one rosy cheek.

He was so warm I think distractedly, instantly feeling a bit better at his warmness. He smiled down weakly at me before bringing his face closer to mine. I looked up from under my tear coated lashes, waiting for him to do something, anything to break this silence. Like he had heard my thoughts, he cleared his throat quietly as if preparing himself to say something to me. He blinked once as if that was the deciding factor in what he was going to do next.

“Just let go” he pleaded, leaning down to rest his forehead on mine. My eyes reacting on their own accord, they began to leak soundless tears. “Stop holding back, stop hiding from me” he whispered, closing his own eyes peacefully. His words were filled with such compassion, an element that I hadn’t been exposed to much lately and I fulfilled his command whether I wanted to or not. For the first time in months, I cried.

I wept and sobbed and blubbered and cried endless rivers until I thought I had lost all the water in my body. And the whole time Justin held me, rubbing my back and whispering sweet nothings as I released everything that I had been holding back. The force of my tears was so strong that it robbed me of much of my energy and after fifteen consecutive minutes of crying, Justin lifted me up into his arms where I curled up against his chest.

Rocking me slowly he carried me back into my room, sitting down on my bed with me still cradled in his arms. I can’t remember how much time passed before I finally stopped and just lay there musing silently about nothing in particular. I’ve lost everything about myself except the acting, which I’m not even sure I want to pursue anymore, not after this. My sweet sarcasm has disappeared along with my spirit and now I only existed. I didn’t live anymore it was just my simple existence that remained, neither here nor there in desire for life or death.

A steady vibrating against me snapped me back from my near suicidal feelings, only to realise that Justin was humming a melody softly, filling the air with his hum.

“What’s that song?” I asked meekly, looking up from where I lay against him. Looking down at me he smiled faintly, bringing the tune to a halt.

“It’s that One Republic song, ‘Secrets’.”

Boom.

Just like that it all clicked.

It suddenly dawned on me that I wasn’t wrong about my intentions of telling him- they were exactly spot on and I couldn’t deny that great yearn to tell somebody other than Adrian or Joey about everything that was going on. The truth will set me free I think weakly in an attempt to pump myself up into actually going through with telling him. Abruptly, I jump off of him and sit down beside him instead, awkwardly placing my pale translucent hands on my thighs. It’s now or never Hannah.

“Justin” I say whilst exhaling, trying to force the words out. “I have to tell you something and I really need you to understand what I’m coming from” I beg, finally having the guts to look up at him. To my shock he was looking straight ahead, not acknowledging me at all. Frowning I jump to a knee sitting position and I grab his face, pulling him towards me with an urgency I hoped he understood. This was gravely important and he needed to know that I’m not acting like this over medication or a bad smoothie or whatever.