Micki Wall, Matchmaker. (Lesbian)

Mood Swing

Syd had been talking and had called my name when she noticed I wasn't answering her. I had just looked out of the window, trying my best to contain my tears. I just didn't want to talk to Chez anymore. She had crossed the line with me. And now I pretty much had confirmation that she was digging up information on people I associate with. It was so weird to me how she knew Tina was my ex when I never mentioned her by name. She was crazy.

"Micki, what's wrong?" Syd asks. I felt like talking would only make the tears fall faster. I just put my phone on the middle console of the car. When she gets to a red light, she picks it up and sighs. "You gonna read it?" she asks.
"You can."
"I don't think she means for me to see it, Mick. I think that is something private between y'all."
"I don't care about none of that. There ain't shit between us, and she made sure of that."
Syd sighs and moves forward. "Just... read it when you're ready. You're not making a decision to get back with her if you read the message, you know. There is nothing to lose by at least looking at it. You still don't want the bitch, cool. At least hear her out." she advises. It was amazing hearing Syd spit out the same shit I'd said to her all these years. She had been taught well.
"I'll think about it, Syd."
She finally pulled up to my house. "Good. Call me first thing in the morning."
I rolled my eyes. "Okay, Syd. Thanks for taking me to the party. It cheered me up for a little bit."
"Of course, Mick. I'll see you in the morning." she said, grinning. I grabbed my phone before getting out and shutting her door. I unlocked my front door and waved to Syd as she drove off.

After locking my door, I take another glance at my cellphone. I finally opened the message from Chez. I couldn't believe how far I had to scroll to get to the end of the message. I hadn't read it, but I did catch a glance at some words, such as "apologize" and "relationship" and "reconcile". It appeared she was apologizing to me, over text. What the fuck is wrong with her? How dare she say that shit to me through a text message? It's not like I wanted to look at the bitch but sending me a fucking message had set me the hell off. Just what did she think this weak ass apology was going to do? I guess maybe she thought it was gonna fix something. There was no way to fix any of this. Long story short, I didn't wanna fucking hear it. I just clicked on the message and erased it. I went so far as to block her number. Fuck her.
I jumped in the shower before going to bed.

THE NEXT DAY

When I woke up the next morning, I had the familiar empty feeling that I had been feeling lately. I hated how Chez could get me in that mood so easily. Last night, I had the most fun I'd had in a while and my mood came crashing down in two seconds. I couldn't even focus on the fact that I'd met somebody new last night. Shit like that made me never wanna talk to anyone on that level ever again.

I reach for my phone and call Sydney. "Hey, Mick." she croaked, obviously still half sleep. "Hey, Syd. Just checking in." I say. "How are you feeling?" she asks me. "Angry. Hurt. Disgusted. Empty." I answered, honestly. "I don't know how I feel such strong emotion, and then... nothingness."
"I take it you read the message." she says. I sat up. "No. I kinda skimmed it and it incensed me. I guess she called that shit an apology. Bunch of fucking bullshit." I seethed. "I deleted that shit and blocked her ass."
Syd sighs deeply on the other line. "Okay, Mick. If that's how you wanna deal with this, I got your back." I smile. "Thank you." I say. After speaking for a few more minutes, I proceed to get up and get ready for the day.

I showed up to the office munching on a Krispy Kreme doughnut. I was enjoying the most classic of doughnut flavors—glazed. I was too engrossed with the sweet snack to even realize where I was going. I walked into somebody. "Oh, shit." I said. "My bad." I said, finally looking into the eyes of whom I just accosted.

There stood an olive skinned woman, with a waterfall of loose, wavy, jet black hair. Her dark brown eyes had a hint of hope in them when I looked in them. The light bounced off of all the metal in her face. She sported a deep crimson dress shirt with a black vest over it. She finished it off with black dress pants and some black gator boots. In the woman's hands were a bouquet of white roses, a card placed carefully inside of it. Immediately my face turns into a grimace. It was Chez, showing up to screw with my head again. I sidestepped her and storm into my office. I angrily bite into my doughnut again, trying my hardest to enjoy it. I needed to take in how good this doughnut was, to sway myself into smiling instead of crying. I sit in my chair and stare straight ahead, struggling to chew this doughnut. I didn't even want the fucking thing anymore. In she comes, closing the door softly behind her. She slowly makes her way to sit before me. For a minute straight, she stares at me. I had finally got around to swallowing the bite of doughnut I'd taken. I hadn't looked at her, at all. It was more like, through her. She came into my view but I never moved my eyes to meet hers.

"Are you going to say anything?" she asked. I finally meet her gaze, but say nothing. "I just wanted to apologize."
She had said two sentences to me and I wanted nothing more than for my fist to make contact with her mouth. I just sigh very deeply, almost to the point of not exhaling for a good couple seconds. Chez runs her hand through her hair, looking fucking delicious. She bit her lip, seemingly deep in thought, probably trying to find what words to say and it drove me completely insane. It only made me madder. She spoke again. "Micki, I... I don't know how to do... this."
"What, apologize?" I had finally replied. She looked shocked that I had finally said something. "Yeah, I figure you don't do too much of it." I added. She glares at me. I pursed my lips in confidence. I chuckled. "I can't believe you wrote me an apology text. I didn't read it, by the way." I spat. Chez twiddles her thumbs. "I don't want your apology, girl. It doesn't change anything. You made your choice when you pulled off on me."
"How are we supposed to move forward if you don't let me right my wrongs? I want us to move forward."
"You act like I said there still was an 'us'."
Chez raised her eyebrow. "You mean to tell me you haven't thought of being back together at all?"
"It's all I've fucking thought about." I said, louder than I intended to. Chez smirks. I lowered my voice before speaking again. "I tried to avoid it but it kept creeping in my thoughts. It's been agonizing for me to go without your touch. I miss smelling your hair, I miss the look of mischief in your eyes, you always look like you're plotting on something. I miss your lips on mine, it just always made everything better, you know? I miss your smart ass mouth and the petty debates we've had, I miss you spitting the real shit that I need to hear. You never cared about if I would or wouldn't like it, and I respected that. You know, you're wise when you're sane." I said, smirking. "I miss hearing your gravelly voice first thing in the morning. I just miss your voice, period. I miss laying with you, I miss feeling on you, and.." I pause, restraining myself from grabbing this stupid bitch by her collar and making a meal of her on these good white people's company desk. "I miss the way you taste." I said, biting my lip, averting her gaze. "I swear to God, I miss it." I said, quietly.
"But... you really put me through a lot mentally, Chez. I just don't know if I can trust in you ever again. I'm not into breaking up every week. That shit takes a toll on me. You can be as fucking sorry as you wanna be, but the hurt can never be undone. The fact that it was for no reason really makes it ten times worse." Chez sighs. "I- I don't know what to say."
"That's crazy as hell." I said, chuckling. "Forreal? Miss Smoothtalker doesn't have anything to say?"
She massages the bridge of her nose.
"What do you suggest I do? You've made it clear an outright apology will not suffice."
"I don't know, maybe do something that says 'sorry for disrupting your appetite', or 'sorry for being accusatory', or 'sorry for stalking people you know'. I dunno, somethin' slight." I said.

A familiar look of confidence slowly creeps back on Chez's face. She licks her lips and touches my hand, slowly taking it into her own. She was trying to see if I'd swat her away. I was too weak to resist her sweet touch, and I hated myself for it.
"I'm gonna make it up to you. This week Friday, I'm taking you out. You're clocking out at lunch, and you're mine for the remainder of the day." she said, confidently.
I snatched my hand back from her.
"I'm not going out with you." I said. I was just joking when I told her what I wanted her to do. What I really want her to leave me the fuck alone.
Chez only chuckles. "I wasn't asking." she counters.
I rolled my eyes. "I ain't ask you if you were asking. I said no." I said. Chez's smile never leaves her face. She made me sick. "Now get out of here. And take these fucking flowers with you." I said, walking to, and opening the door.
Chez gets up slowly. She grabs the bouquet of white roses and walks half of the way up to me. "Wait... give 'em to me. I'ma look at these and think of you when I masturbate tonight."
She giggles as she walks up and gives them to me. Then she sneaks a kiss on my cheek and leaves. I stood there for a second, smelling the flowers. My life had been the complete opposite of this bouquet of roses— a mess.