Toxic Merman (JonDami Fic)

The Journal of a Robin

Gotham City
Wayne Manor, Damian's Room
12.32p.m.

{Jonathan}

This chapter was written five years ago, when Damian and I knew barely knew each other. We knew we exist through our fathers but have never met or seen each other. I was still in middle school while he was in his first year of high school, I think.
             Whoa, thinking back now, the middle school days me was a whole different person than the me now. He was a carefree young Jonathan, never knew what love or a heartbreak was. He always had a smile on his face and homework and assignments never stressed him out because it was so dang easy.
             I wonder what the old me will say to the me now. Will he be proud of me? Or will he be ashamed and sad of the teenager I'd become?
             Anyways,
             "Maybe I Was Destined to be Alone Forever," by Damian Wayne.
             ~It was the first day of high school and honestly, it could be worse but it was just normal. Students acting like dorks, good looking but dumb jocks ruling the hallways,  cheerleaders showing what they don't have, teachers being assholes -- well, not all of them --, club members promoting their club, and I can keep going on but this ain't a blog of the school's pathetic structure.
             The school has many cringy lovebirds... ones where they would sit together during lunchtime, play sports and hangs out together. Sometimes I wonder to myself, wouldn't it be nice to have someone that you can call your own, hold them in your arms, kill assholes together, train together, and many more. Maybe I would like to have something like that in my life. Maybe it's possible... but then I remembered, no one is going to love a Robin with a broken wing.
             Heck, I don't even know the first thing about love. I know every knowledge and skills of martial arts and other stuff that teenagers my age wouldn't have a clue about. Just how stupid am I for thinking that I'll ever find someone or wait for someone to come?
             F***!
             Here I am writing this entry while trying to hold in the tears of hatred towards myself. It's not going well. God only knows how long will I be alone.
             Maybe I'm cursed to be alone forever.~
             During that time, I still didn't know how to curse or notice everything around me but Damian? He is an eagle! A bad mouth young eagle. I wonder where he learns all those words.
             I always knew that Damian wants love... no matter how hard he tries to deny it, I knew the truth... and now he's got it, me. Well, I hope he knows that. He can't never see himself the way I see him. Perhaps someday, he will. I know he will.
             I flip through more pages and landed on a random page. The title says "Make it STOP!".
             I know for a fact that he and I had already met and became friends when he wrote this chapter. Because it was two years later. That was when I graduated middle school and entered West High Metropolis, the same high school as him. I met Damian through Batman so I instantly became his friend when I went to high school. He was my first friend.
             Thinking back now, he wasn't much of a talker back then, he was always cold, very cold, anti-social, and a smart ass student. No matter how many times he pushes me away, I always get back up to accompany him to many places. Sometimes, I'd even invite him to go for a fast food treat with me after school -- that is if I had saved up enough allowance to spend -- to which of course he rejects but nothing works better than grabbing his wrist and forcing him to follow. After all, I'm stronger AND taller than him. So, I win.
             Anyways,
             "Make it STOP!" by Damian Wayne.
             ~I really have no idea how to feel about Kent right now. Why is that idiot dragging me everywhere, being nice to me when I treat him like the shit he is, and not leaving me alone?! Like I give a crap that he's Superman's kid. What does it takes to put a chain on him and not bother me?!
             But seriously, I really don't know how to feel about him. Should I be happy? Annoyed? Pissed? Emotional? Mad? I don't know.
             He drags me around and spends his savings on me, and hangs out with me so much. It's like, he's wants to be my friend. My real, friend.
             But why am I tearing up right now? Why am I swallowing a sob? Why is my chin shivering?
             What's this feeling in me?!? Is it the good kind? Or the kind which is going to hurt me so much to the point I might break even more.
             Every night, I've been forcing down sleeping pills just to get some shut eye, and the first thing in the morning, force down antidepressant pills just to get through the day in school. I've always felt numb, painless... Nothing. But ever since he came into the picture, everything starts to change. I can't sleep though I've consumed more sleeping pills than I should've. He's always invading my mind! I go to school and wait for him to show up. And when he does, I can't help but feel, happy in me... for which I will never show.
             But this isn't a good thing. In the end, I'll get hurt! I just know it! Something bad is going to happen and he's just going to be gone!
             NO NO NO NO!!!!!
             I CAN'T GET HURT AGAIN!
             I CAN'T!
             Please, make this unknown feeling STOP!~
             If Damian and I weren't a thing right now, I'd seriously take this chapter as an insult... because he called me an idiot and labeled me as shit. However, I'll also pity him a lot.
             I never knew he consumes pills. He has never told me that before.
             This entry was a while ago, I wonder if he is still taking it today. If he is, I want to know why. The real, reason.
             I skipped a lot more pages and landed on a random page. The title is "Our Confessions" by Damian Wayne.
             Oh my Rao!
             This is about the day when I returned home from Metropolis Hospital and went to Damian's room to confess that I love him.
             Though, he was the first to confess.
             That was the happiest day of my life.
             I would want to read this entry but I'm starting to feel really bad for invading his privacy. Previous times he gave me permission to read them but now it's just invasion.
             I closed the journal and got up. I flew and slot it back into the empty space in the shelf.
             I then flew back towards the bed, took my phone and slide it down my pocket. I head towards the door, open it and starting heading downstairs.
             I can't help but notice how the manors so quiet than usual. I mean, it's always quiet but it's a little too quiet now.
             I reached downstairs and there's no one around. Not even Alfred. I made my way towards the kitchen, hoping to see everyone seated around the table having their lunch or something. But, there's no one in it.
             "Where is everyone?" I muttered.
             I started thinking of the possibilities. And then I recalled yesterday's activity. I turned around and head towards the cinema room.
             To my surprise, everyone was sleeping soundly. Harleen was lounging on the sofa upside down, Selina and Bruce on a separate sofa, while Tim, Dick, and Jason were lying on the ground with pillows surrounding them.
             "Was yesterday a sleepover as well?" I thought to myself as I looked at Harleen and Selina.
             Everyone was in the room... except for Alfred. I stepped into the room quietly and gaze around for him. He wasn't nowhere in the room.
             I got off my feet and flew away from the cinema room and towards the main hall. I noticed the main door was opened.
             "Alfred's gotta be outside," I said.
             I open the door and I was right. Alfred was wearing an a garden apron, trimming up the bonsai plants while humming to a slow tune.
             "Good morning, Alfred," I said as I flew towards him.
             "Good, After--noon, Jonathan." He paused his work and faced me. "I see that you're up... unlike the others."
             "I know right," I said. "I woke up hours ago, I was just chilling in the tub."
             "When I said to make yourself at home, I see that you really do that." He said. "I'm glad."
             I don't know if he meant that in a good way or... not.
             "Lunch?" He asks. "I can whip up something in no time."
             When he said lunch, my stomach didn't felt like it was hungry. I guess I'm still stuffed from yesterday's dinner.
             "No thanks," I said politely. "Still full from yesterday's dinner."
             "I see." He said. "Alright then, straight to tea time."
             "Sure," I said. "I'll be heading out for a bit, Alfred."
             "May I know where?" He asks. "Or you would rather not say?"
             "Just wanna go for a fly," I said. "Clear my head... you know."
             "I understand." He said. "Well, don't let me stop you. Just keep your phone active so we can check up on you because while you're in this household, you're also our responsibility."
             "Will do, Alfred, thanks," I said. "See ya."
             I wave and walk a few steps away from him. I then got off my feet and started flying higher and higher into the skies, crashing into some thick fluffy clouds.
             This was a last-minute plan but what I told Alfred was the truth. Maybe a long fly will get the sadness out of my mind. Even if it's only temporary, it's better than nothing.
             I'm off to a destination in mind, Kauai, Hawaii.