SINCE DAY ONE ― luke hemmings ✓

2

Here's a lil birthday update for all of you 💛

*・。*゜・。・o゜・。*゜・。・o*゜・。・o*

If there's one thing in life Theo regrets so much? It's the fact that she had to drop so many things in her life just because of that one particular moment of which everything was tested.

Her beliefs, her own mind, and her entire life. Everything was put under the line of fire, all threatening to crash and burn whenever it took even one push into the very same line she had never wanted anyone to cross. Theo made sure no one in her life got hurt so much that she sacrificed some of the things that makes her happy for the sake of letting them be happy without her instead.

Theo knew that after that horrible part of her life she had never wanted to go back to ever again, things wouldn't be much the same. And the people she chose to let go off wouldn't also be the same person that they are today. It was the easy way out, she chose the easy way out for her if she never made it, and an easy way out for them to move on easily if she didn't.

But that's the thing about diseases. You never really know if you're meant to survive, or you get to fully live the life you always looked forward to. And Theo sure was grateful beyond words yet a little tiny bit pissed about hers when she found out she's cured—and she'll be living the same carefree yet healthy life she had before. The only difference is, the key parts of her life she enjoyed so much before has been all lost—and will never be hers ever again.

It was a choice, her choice of letting them see her twist and turn to relieve the pain. To see her lose all her hairs or lose all her weight and see the dullness in her eyes caused by the unending pain poking in every parts of her body. Theo never wanted anyone in her life to see her cry through the pain, see blood getting in and out of her body, or the screams—the screams she knew never let Eric nor their mother sleep at night for days. All that happened in almost two years, and now, half a year later? She's well and done. A few check ups to make sure the damn thing never get to her ever again, and the medicines that help her keep at bay and gain everything she needed to go back to normal.

Although while sitting alone at her new apartment, chinese leftover on the counter forgotten, and her thoughts looming over her head, she started to think it was her fault the man she saw on the television never wanted to love nor believe in its wonders again. Because who would still want to think that when the love of your life deliberately break up with you, ask you to delete her number, and tell you she doesn't see a future with you. Theo had to do it that way. Theo had to break that man's heart to get him away from her as fast as possible. She never—oh god, would she ever let the man she loves so much all her life see her suffer from what seemed like endless pain and needles, to smell the stench of the hospital, or the blood and vomit. She couldn't let him see that, Theo didn't have the strength to let him see that, to let him know she could've died from it if the pain became so unbearable and impossible to alleviate.

She can't let it ruin him.

Theo found the unopened box she specifically left under her bed, one that contained memories from the very man she just saw on the television. She remembered meeting him somewhere over at camp when she's fifteen where this really puffy cheeked boy came up to her to tell her she got bubblegum stuck into her hair as if it wasn't still obvious she's trying to get it out, and had forwardly offered to help (even if he ended up cutting her hair and leaving a distinct shorter one under a bunch of her long ones.) Theo knew that day that the man who cut her hair halfway through the roots would be the man of her dreams when he went on and laugh, her heartbeat increasing as he did, and went straight through in exhanging names and numbers.

"Luke Hemmings, vocalist." The silly man with a really charminng smile always had a way with introducing himself. One that seemed like it came straight off a script he memorized and practiced is that he'll tell his name, and say he'sna vocalist like his own little title. Theo asked him why he does so, and continues on to tell her that he just didn't want anyone to forget about him, his name or whatever it is that he does. She was incredibly fascinated about him from then on. Figured out they live almost near each other, found time to hangout at his house together with his friends he called as band mates, and jammed with them for so long it felt like she was also part of the very same band.

They were seventeen when he asked her out, back when he pierced his lip because of a deal he made with her that he ended up losing with. Two love sick kids dating with undeniable attraction with each other that when they reached eighteen, they were officially together. And its then Theo realized she never wanted to leave beside him.

Not until the storm came when she reached twenty-one, and she had to do what has to be done.

Theo opened the box she safely taped together, with the fear of letting even one get broken or lost even if it was a thing of her past. One she can't seem to let go off. That was her last link to hope when she thought it was all lost, one picture together with him that pushes her to do it, to get better, to fight through it no matter how it felt. The picture where he was behind her, hugging her as if he had no intentions of ever letting her go, and staring at her as if it he'd seen the most valuable thing in the whole world. Theo's heart aches as she stared more at the photo, the tears brimming in her eyes finally fell, and she cried. The most painful feeling in the world is having to let go of someone for the fear you might ruin them, and having to watch them afar grow miles and miles apart from you.

Like an arms length barricade from the stage.

So close, and yet so far away.