SINCE DAY ONE ― luke hemmings ✓

and this is how it starts,

I did what I have to do.

Work up the courage to own my shit and get done with it before all else fails. Luke doesn't deserve a dying girl, he doesn't deserve someone who'll ruin him.

"Theo, please. Stay in bed! We're waiting for the results of the second opinion, we have to do the third one next week." Eric commanded as he tried to push me towards the bed as I'm trying to fix my very unruly hair after taking a bath even if it was not advised to do so. I gotta atleast smell nice in front of my boyfriend if I was gonna leave him a memory of me—looking like this. Like she did drugs and broke up with him just like that.

I prefer that than the cold hard truth.

"Theo, you can't go. We have to wait—"

"Eric, please fucking stop." I have to do this. "I can't go to a hundredth fucking opinion for something I already have. It's draining me, it's taking my fucking sanity away, Eric. Please, just let me do this and we could take a million opinion if you want. Just please. I have to do this. Luke can't know." It may have been selfish. Me, keeping things my boyfriend should know. But not everyone has a rockstar boyfriend and not anyone could stomach the thought that he'll be willing to give up shit just so he could be with you all the way. And I'm not assuming that.

Luke is persistent as a fucking rock and he once got late on purpose in one of his gigs just so he could make sure my temperature is 37° and not 38°. He's a dedicated man and heaven knows how much I love him for that. For who he is.

"Are you sure?" Eric asked when I was about to walk outside. Lucky Mom wasn't home just yet or I wouldn't even have the guts to step outside my room to do this.

"We do things for love, right? Like Dad." He pursed his lip and gave me a hug, his arms reaching that I noticed him tense right after. That only meant I lost a lot of weight his built looked so huge close to mine. I know the look my brother gave me as soon as he pulled away but I pretend to ignore it and went on my way. I couldn't bear seeing that look and I bet all my plushie collection he's gonna look at me like that for the rest of my life.

Like he's gonna lose his little sister. That look.

I board the train towards the city since I didn't trust my health enough to drive my own back and forth. The chilly sensation of the air nipping my skin albeit already wearing a thick jacket that could make me look normal, and loose pants just so it wouldn't be obvious that I did lost weight. I had to spend an hour in front of the mirror for makeup to look alive, that could be sickening for me in a good day. But... the things we do for love.

Thirty minute of rides later, the private flat Luke and I shared came into view. The small and yet sleek building lined up together with similar styled complexes, all looking so lavish and minimal. Just exactly what we wanted. A little privacy in a world where nothing is a secret. It's luck the paps or the fans never knew about this yet but that could be very well because they never really assumed anything about me and him. We're always together as a band. Maybe they know we treat each other so much like family it could be weird if we started dating.

I pushed that thought away from my mind as I ready myself from what I'm about to do. I made sure Luke would be home today so I could quickly appear at the doorstep and get done with it before it could sink in with him. And after it does, I'll be out and home with a broken heart and no way to ever mend it again.

The sky was gloomy before I entered the small complex. It looked like it was gonna rain.

I got my keycard ready for the main door, flashed it again at the elevator and between those intervals, my feet started vigorously tapping on the ground on the way to the third floor. It felt like it had just dawned on me what I'm doing and it made me want to run and just disappear completely. But... I can't do that. I can't leave him wondering what happened and beg for me to come back. I had to do it straight through. One unexpected straight jab for the man I love.