Terminal

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Jungkook

I received a call from Namjoon that a doctor from Singapore arrived today. We haven't met her yet but I am hopeful that she will say something positive. Jin is still asleep. The doctor gave him a pain reliever so he can rest.

The hospital already performed all the tests needed. We are just waiting for the results. Jin's appa went home to get some things. Taehyung fell asleep on the chair beside Jin's bed.

I have to admit that between the two of us, Taehyung sacrificed more. He's the one who showed love more. And I sometimes doubt myself if I really gave my all. It feels like I have never proven my love for him and in the end, I am the one who caused all his hardships.

Now, we're all hustling with time. I am not ready to lose Jin. And why does it have to be so soon? I just got my chance now. I have so many dreams for the both of us. Especially now that we have Soobin.

"Mr. Kim?" A middle-aged woman went inside the room and Jin's appa stood up immediately. "Dr. Seo."

They shake hands and invited him to a private room. His appa invited us to join. I woke Taehyung up so he also has the idea of Jin's real condition.

"I know that all of you are already aware that Mr. Jin has stomach cancer and it has metastasized on his liver. The one on the lungs is still mild. But the problem with this type of cancer, apart from the fact that it is rare, it can only be diagnosed during the end-stage. And I am sorry but in his case, he is in the terminal stage."

Taehyung cried. I too am overwhelmed with different kinds of emotions. Now, I can feel a sense of uncertainty. I know what Terminal means. But I refused to accept.

"What can we do? I don't care about the cost, just give him the best treatment. Heal him, give him a cure." I demand. Taehyung's cries just make me more frustrated. Jin's appa remained composed. Out of the three of us, I know that he's the one greatly affected by this.

"I understand how you all feel. This will be a matter of Jin's personal preference. Since the cancer is incurable, we can plan treatments to make him comfortable and to lessen the stress and pain he's feeling. I will not administer any more chemo or radiation therapy since it's not a feasible option. If the patient chooses to stay at home, it's okay. I'm sorry but there's nothing more that we can do."

I breathe in and out heavily. Finding the courage to ask the question that I am dreading to ask. "How long?"

"His past doctor told me that she already informed Jin of his illness and life expectancy. Two weeks to a month. But please note that this timeline is just a guide. There's nothing really certain. It can be incorrect."

"Two weeks?! I thought you are the best doctor! You're not! You should not call yourself a doctor! You should heal him! You should!" Taehyung screamed, slamming his hands on the table. I need to calm him down to ease the tension. I wanted to do the same but there will be no use.

"Tae, please. Calm down."

Taehyung throws himself on me. He cried on my shoulder. I am in grief too. That's the hardest part of being here, I need to pretend that I'm strong when deep inside, I'm dying.

***

Jin's father went home to get some clothes and to cook some of Jin's favorite food. While Taehyung and I wait for Jin to wake up.

The doctor informed us that Jin might always be drowsy and asleep even if he's not sedated. Like what he's father told us, Jin has been complaining of being extremely weak and tired.

"Jin! Jin you're awake!" Taehyung said excitedly. I chose to stay on the couch so they can talk. I am the older one and more matured, I can wait for my turn.

Taehyung is very emotional about the condition. I admire him for being honest about what he truly feels while I am trying so hard to keep my emotions inside. I feel like my chest is going to burst.

I saw Jin's hands move and he moves his legs too. Taehyung holds his hands and kisses his forehead.

"Soobin?" Jin's voice is soft and raspy.

"Don't worry, he's with mom and dad. Maybe they will be here on the weekend so get well very soon." Taehyung tries his best to cheer Jin up.

Jin gives him a weak smile.

"Do you need anything?" Taehyung asked. "Food? Are you hungry?"

Jin shakes his head. "I'm not. I want to go home."

Taehyung looks at me. Maybe asking for my opinion. "Hyung is here."

Jin's hooded eyes went to me. It seems like he's too weak to even move his eyes. My heart thumps faster under my chest.

Taehyung went out of the bedroom to give us some privacy. I know there's a lot for us to talk about but I only want to talk about happy things as I don't want Jin to feel stressed or sad.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

He holds my hand. I don't know but it sends tingling sensation on the tip of fingers and toes. "Tired."

I squeeze his frail hand. He has a fever but his hand is cold. "Take a rest. I won't leave, I promise."

"Soobin..."

"Don't worry about our son. I promise to be the best father. And you know what? Taehyung promised that he will be a great uncle to him. So relax and rest. You don't need to worry about anything, okay?"

A tear fell from his eyes but his smile gives me more pain because I know those smiles can mean that he now has peace of mind. And I don't want to think of what he's thinking next.

"Jungkook..."

"Hmmm?"

"I want to go home. I want to see the shores. The fresh air. I want to go home."

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