The Three of Us

157. Everything's Going to Be All Right

Anne was bothered by how much Gilbert began to pull away from her.

She hadn't noticed it at first, because Walter was nearly always there and she assumed that Gilbert did not want the little boy seeing them being too physical with each other.

But when Marilla took Walter into town with her because he fancied a buggy ride, Anne and Gilbert were alone, and Gilbert kept finding little ways to move away from her. He wouldn't even sit on the sofa with her; he moved to a chair when she sat close by his side.

Finally she said, "Is something wrong?"

"No," Gilbert said quickly. "Why?"

Anne felt hurt. "I thought you would be glad we could be together but I feel like you keep shutting me out..."

Gilbert sighed. He didn't know what to do.

Maybe if I just try to ignore the feeling...

He pulled her close against him and kissed her deeply.

...No, ignoring doesn't work. He pulled away from her again.

Finally he sat down on the sofa, taking her hand so she'd sit with him.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't mean to push you away. I just..."

Anne waited for him to go on.

"Sometimes...no, all the time, I'll be honest. Being so close just makes it...it makes it worse. We can't...be together. Not in the way..."

Gilbert felt woefully unprepared to explain any of this, and wished he hadn't begun.

"But kissing is nice," Anne said, not seeing the problem.

She was happy with kissing. She didn't understand why he wasn't.

"It is nice," he agreed. "It's just...sometimes it doesn't feel like enough. And...well, we aren't married...and even- in the future- when we are married, I don't think...I don't think we'll do very well with the whole...being together...thing, and..."

He trailed off, feeling awkward and miserable.

Anne sat back. She let go of his hand.

Finally she said, "I didn't know I was making it worse," she said slowly. "I thought that...that kissing was something we could do."

"Well, it is," Gilbert said slowly. "And I'm happy with that. I...I should be happy with that. I don't mean to sound like I'm not. It's just...it's like the closer we get, the more difficult it is to not get to do...other things."

Anne was biting her lip. Even though he knew it just meant she was thinking, it still made Gilbert crazy when she did that.

Finally she sighed, looking lost. She folded her arms on her lap. "I don't know what to do."

Gilbert reached for her hand again and she pulled away.

"Anne..."

But her eyes had filled with tears.

"Anne, darling, don't cry," Gilbert said, starting to move closer and then stopping because she had been the one to pull away from him. "I'm sorry-"

"No, I'm sorry," Anne said, upset, her tone coming out harsh. "I..."

And then she got up and ran to her room, shutting the door behind her.

Gilbert sat on the sofa for a moment, helpless. He got up and followed her.