The Three of Us

22. Announcing the Decision

"So that's what you want for sure, then?" Gilbert asked, taking Anne home.

She nodded firmly. "Absolutely. I have no need of it in my life, it wasn't welcome here in the first place."

"I understand that," Gilbert said, nodding slowly.

Anne continued confidently, "I don't want to change my plans, and I shouldn't have to. I can still do everything I wanted to do."

"You can," Gilbert agreed.

"As long as no one knows, or brings it up," Anne went on. "I'll have to just stay in the house- I can't let anyone in town see me, or they'd know. I suppose Marilla and Matthew can say I'm sick. Terribly, terribly ill, too ill to go outdoors at all."

Gilbert did not like the idea of someone pretending to be ill, when his own father had really been so ill. But then he decided that Anne pretending she was ill wasn't really far from the truth. So far the baby had brought her nothing but illness.

"I hope no one guesses," Anne said unhappily. "I can just imagine the talk- That Anne Shirley engaged in indecent behavior and suddenly Marilla Cuthbert says she's too ill to leave the house for months and months, now you know what that means! ...Oh, no, Gilbert- that is what people will think!"

And suddenly her whole plan crumbled.

"What'll I do?" she said desperately.

Gilbert tried to sound reassuring. "No one is going to think that," he lied.

Anne was upset. "You're the one who suggested that idea in the first place, but-"

"I am?" Gilbert did not remember saying that.

"Yes," Anne told him. "You said it back when I came to your house that day, not long after it happened. When I ran out of school and hid in the woods. Remember? We talked about it- about how I was afraid I might have a baby and I wanted to keep people from knowing- and you said that maybe I could pretend to be sick and stay in the house, so that no one would have to know about it. And I felt better."

Gilbert remembered now that Anne had been so worried about having a baby and he had tried to think of a plan to keep her life as normal as possible- a way to hide the whole thing and go on with life.

And now it seemed she was prepared to do exactly that.

But it was different somehow, now, knowing that there truly was a baby, and it was no longer a mythical figure.

Anne continued, "Well, I'll have to stay in the house anyway, and hope people don't think that! Because I don't know what else to do. ...I just have to get through the next few months and then everything can go back to how it's supposed to be."

"I hope that'll work out for you, then," Gilbert said, wondering if it would.

Anne was confident: "Once it's gone, I can put this whole thing behind me."

--

Anne asked Marilla at dinner that night, "How long do I have before I'll have to take a break from school?"

Marilla hesitated. It bothered her that Anne referred to it as a break. 

"Well, I'm not sure. It'll depend on when you start showing more visibly. Rachel thinks you don't have long, and I'm inclined to agree with her. But I don't suppose I can give you an actual date."

Anne nodded. "The Thing will come out-" Anne refused to say born- "In August, the doctor said, right? So if I rest up a bit I'll be ready to go back to school in September."

Matthew and Marilla looked at each other.

"Anne," Marilla began slowly. "I don't think a month will be enough for you...you ought to rest longer than that."

She did not want to scare Anne, but Dr. Carter told her to expect a much longer convalescence, being so young and having such a small frame, than he would for someone older.

Anne shook her head. "I can't, Marilla, because I'll miss the beginning of school. It'll be hard to catch up if I skip the first few weeks."

Again Marilla and Matthew exchanged a glance.

Matthew said, "I thought you might stay home with me- wouldn't you like that? We could be together all day. I won't have to miss you like I do while you're at school."

Marilla understood what Matthew was doing, but she shook her head at him, thinking that it was better to be truthful than to pretend with her.

She said- being honest, but with tenderness- "I thought you understood, dear, that you wouldn't be able to go back to school. I'm sorry if I've said something to mislead you. Perhaps we should have talked more about it- I feel badly that you misunderstood..."

Anne shook her head. "I know I couldn't go, having a- well, having The Thing. But if I don't have it- if it went to live somewhere else, then I could go back, couldn't I? If no one knew? Because, see, I was thinking- if I could just stay in- and I know it would be difficult, but I'm determined to do it- then I could wait for The Thing to come out in August, and then I'd be able to go on with school as planned. I hate to ask the two of you to lie for me, really, but if you could just pretend I'm sick- just imagine I'm sick- and Dr. Carter could go along with it- why, he could even spread the word that I've contracted malaria or something just terrible, and then no one would try to come see me. They'd all stay away, and then later I could go back to school!"

Anne picked up her fork and took a bite of her meatloaf.

Matthew and Marilla again looked at each other. Anne noticed this time, and it bothered her how often they did this, now. As if they were always thinking something they weren't telling her-

"We could do that," Marilla began slowly. "I suppose. But what about the ba-"

Anne cut her off before the word could be uttered. "The Thing can go live somewhere else."

"Yes, you said that- but where?"

Anne shrugged. "I don't know. I'll have to figure something out- find someone who'll agree to take it. I'd ask you to help me, Marilla, but then if you start asking around, people will know why. I'll have to do it in some way where my anonymity is guaranteed."

"I don't like the idea of making plans," Marilla said slowly. "I know I've said it before. You can think it's all settled in your mind, and find someone, and get them all ready to take the baby- and then have a change of heart and decide not to give it to them at all. I think it's best if you wait and see how you feel once you've actually seen it and lived with it. You won't be dragging someone else's hopes into the situation only to back out on them in the end."

"All right, then," Anne said agreeably. "I won't look for someone right now. I don't really have to worry about finding someone, anyway- I know churches in big cities have foundling boxes. I suppose that'll work if nothing else does."

Anne shook her head as if to get the whole thing out of her mind, and went back to eating.