The Three of Us

69. Matthew's Wing

Gilbert's eyes were red when he opened the door.

And when he saw that Matthew was still there, and had been there all the time- sitting in the kitchen for hours, just waiting- something inside him threatened to come apart all over again. He was overcome with gratitude for that quiet man.

Matthew could not have hugged him, because Gilbert, doing his best to keep from breaking, was suddenly busy with a million thoughts running through his head.

"I...have to...get the Reverend...because of the- the burial- and I've got to ride over to Dr. Carter's...to tell him, and...I should get Mrs. Kincannon's wages, because I'm late with that, and I'll have to get-" Gilbert was searching for something, Matthew did not know what, but he could tell Gilbert needed to stop, to slow down, to breathe.

He put his hand out and lay it on Gilbert's shoulder: "You don't need to do anything tonight. You pack up what you need and come home with me. I'll ride over and tell the doctor and the reverend."

Gilbert stared at him a moment. Finally he nodded, letting go of a shaky breath.

Feeling lost, he let Matthew lead him to the stairs. Matthew waited and in a few minutes, Gilbert reappeared with a laundry sack. Matthew felt sorry for him, and knew that his eyes would be swollen in the morning.

---

"We've got a spare room upstairs," Matthew said gruffly as they entered the house. He led Gilbert up the steps-

But Gilbert had stopped at Anne's open door, and for a moment he could not breathe.

Finally he turned to find Matthew waiting for him.

Gilbert shook his head, coming back to the present. "I'm sorry," he said as he looked away from Anne's room and stepped toward the door that Matthew was about to open for him.

"I miss her too," was all Matthew said.

Matthew opened the door to the spare room, but was startled to find that Marilla had never packed anything away when she'd been in there preparing for Anne's trip. There was an open trunk on the bed, with several garments spilling out of it, and random items like books, gloves, and old hats no longer in decent condition to wear.

"Ain't like her," he muttered. "Not having things tidy. ...She hasn't been herself, though, in all her worry over the trip."

Gilbert was going to offer to pack everything up, but shrank back a bit when he saw that many of the articles on the bed were night gowns, petticoats, stockings, and other underthings, and so he did not suggest he move them.

Matthew stood there a moment. Then he decided, "You'll stay in Anne's room."

Gilbert could not protest, but only hesitantly said, "I don't think Miss Cuthbert would like me sleeping in Anne's room."

Matthew, sounding gruff, said: "Well Marilla ain't here, and I am. I'll leave you to it."

And then Gilbert was alone.

---

He stepped quietly into the room, closing the door softly behind him. Everything was still. As he walked across the room, the floorboards creaked under his shoes, and he wondered if they did that when Anne walked there, or if she was too light to make a sound.

He went to her desk, touching the inkwell that was still there, and felt it shock him. He pulled away, but then smiled, thinking it only right that her ink seemed alive.

He ran his hand along her dresser, not opening it, of course, but thinking of how she must have stood in that exact spot every morning.

He missed her terribly.

Suddenly the room felt too dark, too empty, and he sank onto her bed. After a moment he laid down, and let his weary head rest against her pillow.

It still smelled like her.

---

Gilbert woke up just before the sun. He washed but did not have to dress; he'd never gotten ready for bed the night before, and his clothes were now rumpled. He did not care.

He went down and decided to milk the cows and collect the eggs for the Cuthberts, and then he'd have to ride home to take care of his own. But once he was done, and went to find Matthew to ask about borrowing his horse to get back home, he realized that Matthew was gone and the horses were too.

When Matthew returned, he explained to Gilbert that he'd decided to go take care of Gilbert's cows and chickens, knowing Jerry could get theirs, and then he'd gone to talk to the reverend and the doctor about his father.

With his father so ill for so long, Gilbert had had to do so many things for himself. Knowing this only further burdened his father; he'd often told Gilbert he was sorry that his illness, though he could not help it, had caused Gilbert to grow up too fast.

But Matthew had taken care of his animals. Matthew had gotten the reverend and the doctor, and Matthew had helped in moving his father's body and making funeral arrangements.

It struck Gilbert as odd that someone else should step up to do these things. But he did not protest. As fragile as he felt during the time he watched his father fading away, he felt even more fragile now that his father was gone from him.

Matthew wanted to take care of him. And it had been a long time since Gilbert had been taken care of.

---

Matthew wished that Marilla and Anne could be home for the funeral, but it wasn't possible to wait for anyone. It was August, after all, and preparations had to be handled quickly.

But Matthew was glad for the turnout at the funeral, and Gilbert was glad that Matthew was there to be by his side.

---

The day after the funeral service, Matthew said gently, "I thought we might take a trip- go see Anne."

Gilbert had the briefest moment of hope on his face- as if there could be something good left in the word after all. But then his face fell.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "No, I don't want to go. You should, but I- I can't."

Looking at Matthew, he explained: "If I come there, she'll want to know why I left my father while he's so sick. I can't tell her-" he broke off, trying to keep his voice steady even as the influx of emotion hit him- "She can't know. Mr. Cuthbert, please...don't tell her. Not now."

Matthew nodded slowly. He understood. If Anne- exhausted, in pain, trying to heal, and unhappy with an unwanted baby by her side- if she knew that Mr. Blythe, one of her dearest friends, was gone from this world...no, Gilbert was right.

Now was not the time to give her news that would break her heart.