The Three of Us

88. The First Fall

All right, I know everything has been getting a bit better, but at this time in the story it is really and truly fall weather.

For me, when fall comes, it is HARD. When everything around you looks and smells the same as it was that day, it is very challenging.

Anne is going to have to deal with the anniversary of what happened to her.

BUT I'm going to try to post a few more chapters quickly to get the depression done quicker because I know we really want to get to the happier times!

There is a dramatic part that happens (already written) but once she gets through that dramatic part, then things really do flip and she's free to just love on that baby every bit as much as we all want her to. : )

Indian Summer was a blessing, especially for Anne, who desperately needed the fall weather to stay away as long as possible.

But it could not last forever, and before long the fall pushed its way in and Indian Summer was gone.

The trees flamed with oranges and yellows and reds, and the falling leaves scattered in the crisp, cool breeze. The smell of wood burning and apple cider filled the air.

Anne had thought she was getting better; every day Miss Stacy came was another day closer to feeling like her old self again.

But the first day she stepped outside and heard the dry leaves crunching under her boots, something hit her unaware, before she knew to prepare for it, and a dreadful weight settled itself upon her shoulders.

She could not go outside.

When Walter turned three months old, Marilla decided to bake a cake.

"It isn't it's birthday," Anne said dully. "Not really."

"I know," Marilla said, noticing that Anne had said its birthday rather than his birthday. "But each month is a little birthday of sorts. Remember when we used to celebrate each new week? I thought we'd all like a cake. It's been a while since we've had one."

Anne said "He can't eat it."

Marilla said, "We will eat it. What kind of cake would you like to have?"

"I don't know," Anne said glumly. "Just pick something."

The cake was chocolate.

While Anne did not care about the "birthday" or the cake, she was very aware that Walter's three month 'birthday' marked one year since the incident.

She felt in some ways that it had been a such a long time ago, because so much had happened to her since then. But in other ways she felt it had happened just yesterday- and even more so now that the fall weather was here. The fall weather brought her right back to it, and there was no way to avoid it.

Matthew found her crying and she told him that she'd just read a sad part of a book. It had been a lie. She was crying because she had always loved the fall- it was such a beautiful time of year, when the whole world felt aglow, and she was happy to be in it- but now she hated this time of year.

And then she cried because she had lied to Matthew. But she found it was harder and harder to talk to anyone about how she felt. She knew that no one would understand, and she couldn't have explained it if she wanted to.

The closer she was to a person, the less she felt she could tell them. She did not want to burden her loved ones with the gory details of that day in the woods. But the more she kept it inside, the worse it became.