Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Hanging On By a Thread

Austin handed me t-shirt, and I took it graciously, slipping it slowly over my body. I bent down and pulled off my jeans, trading them for a pair of soft sweatpants, trying to ignore the bruises I could see forming on my thighs. I sat down on the edge of the bed and Austin picked up my hairbrush and sat behind me; he began to brush my hair gently, careful not to allow the bristles to rub the back of my head too hard where it was sore from my impact with the wall.

I didn't know why he was doing all of this, why he was being so nice and thoughtful and kind. I didn't deserve it, and he didn't even really know me that well. No one had ever treated me this way; I guess that's why I had a hard time accepting his gracious efforts.

"You hungry?" He asked as he played with my hair. He had finished brushing it a while ago but we just sat there in silence as he tangled his fingers in my curly red hair.

"Yeah, a little," my voice cracked as I spoke. I stood off the bed and he grabbed my hand. He interlaced our fingers and I glanced up at him to see him looking down at me. I gave him a small smile and he returned the favor. I sat on the couch and pulled a blanket over myself as I directed my attention to the tv in front of me. Austin returned from the kitchen a short time later with 2 PB&J sandwiches and 2 glasses of water.

"Thank you," I said as he handed me the sandwich. He sat next to me and we ate in silence. He was really interested in the show that was playing on the tv; I pretended to be, but my mind was elsewhere, replaying everything that happened in one short day. We finished our food and Austin got up to take the dishes to the kitchen. He came back and sat next to me, closer this time.

"Ty. You can talk to me if you need to. I'm not pressuring you to, but I will gladly listen." He whispered to me as he reached for the remote and muted the televison.

"Haven't I put you through enough today, Austin?" I answered quietly as I figited with my fingers. He put his fingers under my chin and turned my face so I was looking at him.

"Don't think like that." He paused as if he was going to continue but he didn't. I got up and motioned to him that I would return. I made my way to my room and dug through my bag. I found what I was looking for: my visitors pass from the hospital. I wasn't really supposed to take it with me; they were supposed to stay with the nurses, but I was in such a rush to leave that I hadn't even thought about giving it back. I walked back out to Austin and took my seat again.

I handed him the small, plastic badge and watched as he read what was printed on the front.

It had my picture on the front......an old picture from 2 years ago when the pass was made; I looked different: my hair was shoulder length and dark brown. My nose and ears weren't pierced yet, and I didn't have a single tattoo.

It said my full name: Tyler Elaine Rhodes

Underneath that it said: Visitor. Cedars-Sinai Medical Center- Psychiatric Ward

His eyes scanned the pass before he looked up at me, his face confused at what exactly I was showing him.

"This is where I went tonight. This was what I had to take care of," I said. He still didn't understand what I was saying, but he remained quiet allowing me to continue. "I went to go visit my mom." My eyes flashed to his and he looked sad again. It seemed like everytime I talked I made him sad, and I hated myself for that.

"Tyler-" he mumbled before he stopped himself. He set the pass down on the coffee table and directed his attention back to me.

"Two years ago my parents were in a really bad car accidnet- my dad had been drinking a little and he lost control and rolled the car while they were going 80 mph. My mom wasn't wearing her seatbelt, and before she was thrown from the car her head went through the windshield. She suffered major frontal lobe damage..." I trailed off as I tried to keep myself from crying. Austin reached out and grabbed my hands in his, rubbing them softly with his thumb. I took a deep breath. "Her memory is really screwed up. She can't remember anything from the time of the crash on. She can only remember things that happened more than two years ago. But besides that her memory cuts in and out: on good days she can remember things from the past, but on bad days she can't even remember who you are or where she is."