Persistence

Broken.

Broken- having given up all hope; despairing.

I've been tossing and turning all night...my back is killing me. I'm not the type of nigga to not sleep tho. Every time I'm close to dozing off, I wake back up fully and it keeps happening. I sighed and felt around for the remote before finding it and turning the tv on. It's close to being three in the morning so all the good cartoons are on. I flipped the channel until I got to 'American Dad' and relaxed, starting to watch it.

I leaned back against the couch and laughed as we watched 'American Dad' on TBS. We both are just up like some night owls, watching stupid shit on tv and laughing. He wasn't able to come over tonight due to him having family in town so I settled for a FaceTime call. "How is your back feeling?" He asked. "It's okay right now, it still hurts but it's fine." I assured him. I've been having horrible back pain for the past couple hours but it ain't nothing I can't deal with. I'm a real ass nigga at heart, ain't shit I can't handle.

I gotta piss. I rolled out of bed and grabbed myself, walking towards the bathroom. A noise came from nowhere and my ears were stunned. I held my hand up to it and looked around. It's wasn't anything making a noise so what the fuck?

I'm hungry as fuck.

"I'll be right back James." I slowly stood up from the couch and that's the one thing I'll ever truly regret in my life. Everything just seemed as if it was in slow motion and that made it hit me worst. Pee ran down my leg and when I looked down, I thought 'my pissy ass!!' but no...it's red....I looked back at where I was sitting and a huge blood stain covered the couch. At the realization of blood, sharp pains began shooting through my stomach, back, and thighs. I yelped out in pain and fell down to the floor, holding onto my stomach. "Senia you good?" I could hear his phone shuffling. I began to sob and shake my head no then I forgot he wasn't here...Another round of pain shot through my body and i couldn't hold it in. I yelled 'help' and groaned, doubling over in pain.

No, please....no.

Dear god, everything that I have done in my life, I want you to forgive me please my father. I've been working on bettering myself just for this very moment and I do not want it snatched away from neither myself or her. I want for you to lay your healing hands across my son or daughter and to nurse them to perfect health if they aren't already in perfect health already. I want for you to lay your hands across my baby's mother as well, shes stronger than I already know so she'll survive this birth.

Amen.

I kept telling myself as I sat in the waiting room that she was going to survive this. The moment I received that phone call...my heart fell to the pit of my stomach. At first I was confused on why her friend James was calling me but then I just..my mind went blank. I rushed here as fast as I could and now they're telling me she's under going some procedure and won't tell me. I hope everything is going fine with the baby and her. I'll be damned if I lost either of them.

My eyes fluttered open and a white light shined into them. When did I go to sleep? I went to turn over but I felt a terrible pain in my stomach. I groaned in pain and turned my head slightly to the right of me. Hospital....

Everything recurred to me..I went into labor. Where is my baby?? I turned my head to the right of me and the curtain was pulled closed and the door was open. I slowly moved my hand to the remote and pressed the nurse button a couple times. Where is my baby? I didn't call chris...oh shit. I hope h- of he will be. He didn't get to see his first child being born. The curtain slid open slowly and a younger white lady walked inside. "Hey honey, is everything feeling fine?" She approached the bed and looked me up and down slowly. "No...my stomach hurts like hell.." "Yeah the stitches will dissolve in a few hours. The C-Section went the correct way s-" wait. "C-Section? Where is my baby? Oh my god! Is it a boy or a girl!?" I became excited and sat up in my bed. I don't even care how much it hurts, I'm ready to meet my pride and joy!! She kinda took a step back from my and looked to the ground. Her whole demeanor changed and she held her hands together.