Persistence

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Plan B- A second/backup plan if plan A fails; a morning after pill.

"Uh I...I'm scared." I paced back and forth as we waited on the results. Me? A father? Oh my fucking god! I don't know how to do that shit! I thought I had more time to prepare for this!

I sat with my legs crossed and rocked back forth. Motherhood better be good to me because I already know. I'm not a person to throw up and I threw up at least three times in the same night. Girl or boy?

Boy or girl?

Twins?!

Oh my fucking god. Okay Chris just relax. She ain't pregnant, she can't get pregnant because she wasn't fertile at that time.

What the fuck do I know.

His bitch ass wasn't this anxious when Jenna said she was pregnant. He probably wanted a baby with her. He don't even like me like that to want kids with me. I'll just get an abortion because I don't want kids with someone who doesn't like me.

'Ding ding ding' the test sounded. We both looked at eachother with fear. She ain't pregnant so I ain't worried no more.

"Go ahead and look first." I pushed it towards her.

I picked it up with shaky hands and kept my eyes off of it. I can't look...what if I'm..man...quit being a pussy and look.

On the count of three.

1
2
3

I opened my eyes and squinted.

"This say I ain't pregnant." I frowned and held it out towards him.

"YESS!!" I snatched it from her and looked at it. 'Not Pregnant' was written across the screen and I couldn't be more happier.

I didn't say another word and got up, walking to the bathroom and slamming the door behind me.

Wait what? I thought this was a good thing. I held on tight to the test and walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

I sat down on the edge of the tub and started silently crying. why isn't he sad about it? Why is he so happy to not have a child with me? am I that bad of a girlfriend, not even that, a person? am I not worthy enough? that hurts my feelings.

Wait she's crying? I thought..I assumed she's wasn't ready to be a mother at such a young age. We have so much life ahead of us that we can wait on children. "Senia..baby? Why are you crying?" I turned the knob and to my surprise it was open. Sitting on the edge of the tub with her head in her lap.

The tears streaming down my face hit the rug and I just kept my head down. I for once don't want to argue about it. I'll just let him be happy about it. "Senia." He grabbed my arm, trying to pull me up but I didn't move.

I bent down to her and tried to lift her head but she wouldn't let me. "Hey, why are you crying." I stood back up and put the test on the counter.

I'm trying to be cool..be he keep bothering me about. So ima let him have it. I lifted my head and sniffed. "Why are you happy? I thought maybe a child would bring us even closer than what we are, but it seems like I would be the only one happy if I was pregnant. Just..just leave me alone." I started to sob and put my head back down.

I quickly reached for her chin and held her head up. "Baby it's nothing l-"

"It's everything like that! You're literally fucking smiling ear to ear! I'm not motherly enough for you? You just wanna mess around with me for now but eventually you'll get rid of me?"

Why do females turn everything into something it ain't. I've told this girl how many times I want to marry her and she say some shit like this. She's emotional so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. "Let me explain. Let me talk." I bent down to her level and looked her in the eyes.

I tried to look away from him but his stare was too demanding. "It's not that I don't want a child, I'm just not ready. I don't want to bring a child into the world without knowing how to be a father..I can't make the same mistakes my father did."

I looked away from her and sighed. I just want to be the opposite of what my father was to me. I want to be there for my child for one, I want to watch my child grow into a the most handsome or beautiful young man or lady they are. I don't want to make my child feel like they messed up my life when that wasn't the case at all.

"Maurice you don't google how to be a father, you learn it. I've told you plenty of times that you'll never be the type of man to walk out on his family when times get hard. Stop worrying about it..But I guess I ain't pregnant so you don't gotta worry about that."

"Can you see him kickin' me!?" I tapped Chris repeatedly on the shoulder. He just stared at my stomach with a 'the fuck' face.

Sooooooooooooooo

The test was wrong.

We only took one test like some dumbasses. That's what we get for acting slow.

I was actually almost two months pregnant.....I'm five now...I don't want to find out what we're having until he's born. I want a boy, that's why I keep say that.

There's really a baby in that muthafucka. like a whole human that is going to look like me...in her..stomach..what the fuck. I will never be able to wrap my mind around this. I'm having a kid. I'm going to be a father. I'm excited! I want a girl and she wants a boy so hopefully god give us triplets.

I'm high risk pregnancy so I have to like, deadass relax 24/7. I can't let my blood pressure get high or I'll go into labor early and I for sure don't want that.
I've thought about abortion so many times but I didn't go through with it for a reason. This child will be my wake up call. I love being a mother already and the baby isn't even born.

Their is some negatives for sure. I have really bad nausea, I can't really keep any food down, I have really bad pains in my lower back and hip area. I try so hard for it not to bother me but it's hard. I've been to the doctor plenty of times but they just say it's apart of pregnancy.

What if men could get pregnant? You know how many kids I would have because bitches dream about trapping me into some shit? Hell nah, I wouldn't carry shit in my stomach. I'm going to be a father..I'm going to be a husband.

Til death and child do us part.