Chasing Elliott - Published

chapter forty ... the worst kind of heartbreak

Thantophobia (n.)
the phobia of losing someone you love.
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"Thanks for hanging out with me today," I said to Alex as we stopped at Barnes and Noble so I could look at some books. "I really needed to clear my head."

"It's okay, sis," he replied with a smile as he followed behind me. "So what is it you needed to clear your head from? Or do you not want to talk about it?"

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. "I think Cooper cheated on me."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Alex seethed before he stopped and looked at me with a cocked brow. "Wait, you think?"

Walking toward the back of the bookstore to the mystery section, I started to walk down the first aisle with my hand skimming every book as I walked by. Hearing Alex cough behind me, I stopped walking and slowly turned around.

"I found Laura, his ex as it turns out, in a bed at the baseball house in her undergarments and Cooper came out of the bathroom in just his boxers but Benji told me that both of them said he threw up on her dress and on himself but I just don't know," I whispered sadly as he put a hand on my arm. "I mean, he lied about Laura so how am I supposed to know for sure?"

"You have to trust your gut, red. That's all you really can do."

Nodding in agreeance, I finally picked out a book and went to check out. Following him to the car, we drove back to my apartment in silence as we listened to the music. When we were a few minutes away, I decided to speak up.

"How's Brandon been? I haven't been able to get a hold of him lately."

"Dad said he actually took over for Greene Designs," Alex said, his voice laced with pride. "He's officially ranked as one of the best ten designers in the country."

"Wow," I mumbled as I leaned back against the seat. A smile came to my face as I imagined how happy he must be.

"He'd love to see you," he said as we pulled up in front of my apartment building. "Maybe you and I take a trip out there soon to go visit."

"I'd love that," I told him as I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks again for today. I'll call you."

Climbing out of the car, I made my way up the stairs to the apartment. Taking a moment to myself before I entered, I took a deep breath as my hand gripped the handle. I hadn't seen or heard from Kingsley in two days and I was starting to get worried - it was very unlike her.

Suddenly hearing voices coming from inside, I breathed a sigh of relief and burst into the apartment only to freeze dead in my tracks as dread rushed through me. Kingsley sat on the chair and there, sitting on the couch, was my mother.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to ask as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I called her," Kingsley spoke up and my eyes widened as my mouth fell slightly open. Taking a shaky breath, I wrung my hands together and nodded slowly as I tried to wrap my head around what has happening.

"Why?" I asked after a long pause.

Kingsley scoffed as I noticed tears in her eyes and it was only then that I realized her eyes were puffy and cheeks were a bright red. Glancing over at my mom, I grew slightly irritated as I saw a twinkle in her eye.

"Because I needed to hear it from her," she told me with a raspy voice.

"Hear what?" I questioned, not wanting to admit out loud what was happening before my eyes.

Kingsley rolled her eyes as she bawled her hands into fists. "Cooper and Benji told me everything, Elliott. I know everything. How could you lie to me all these years?"

Tears instantly sprung to my eyes as I bit my lip to try and stop them from falling. My breath hitched in my throat as a million emotions flooded through me and I felt like I was going to collapse.

"King, I can explain," I said with a shaky voice as I took a small step forward, my hands outstretched slightly.

"I don't want to hear it," Kingsley snapped as she shook her head furiously. "You had years to tell me yet you didn't. You spent every day with me and my mom those first few months after he died, you spent day in and day out with me, you helped me through the darkest parts of my life. I fucking cried to you more times than I can count because I didn't understand why and you knew this whole time."

"It's not like that-"

"Then what's it like?" She all but yelled as she looked at me, hurt. "Cause it seems pretty damn clear to me."

Kingsley didn't give me a chance to say anything else as she choked on a sob and ran past me, darting out the front door. The tears cascaded down my cheeks as I put a hand over my mouth and the other on my chest, squeezing my eyes tightly.

"I'm sorry it had to come down to this, honey," my mother said as she stood up from the couch. "But she deserved to know the truth."

"And she should've heard it from me," I yelled as I quickly turned around to glare at her. "You shouldn't have fucking shown up here when she asked. Did you actually tell her everything or twist it to make yourself look better?"

"Don't get mad at me because you ruined the best friendship you had," she fired back as she folded her arms over her chest.

"Get out," I said through gritted teeth as I started walking toward my room, Mia following close behind me.

I heard my mom sigh and I clenched my jaw together. "You're kicking out your own mother?"

"Damn right I am," I spat as I turned around to look at her one last time. "Get out of my apartment."

Not bothering to wait, I turned back around and made a mad dash for my room. Letting Mia in with me, I slammed the door shut and fell onto my bed as I reached for the pillow and clutched it tightly to my chest. Shoving my face in it, I sobbed until my lungs hurt and my head pounded but no amount of crying could ever get me back what I lost.