The Three of Us

41. Tillie and Jane Come to Visit

"Well, it's nice she's helping," Tillie said.

"Yes. And then Emily Perkins- who I babysit for- gave me all of Clara's outgrown clothes. I'll have to give them all back to her once the baby's outgrown them. I'm sure she and her husband will have more children, and they'll want their clothes back when they do."

"That is nice," Tillie said. "It gives you less sewing to do!"

"Not really," Anne explained. "I thought I wouldn't need to work on any at all, since I'd have Clara's, but Marilla told me I had to work on my own still. I think she just doesn't want us to rely so much on Clara's clothes; she wants to make sure we give them back to Emily in good condition and not all worn out. Her newborn things are lovely. They're all pale yellow, and have such intricate needlework on them. And she let me borrow an ivory-colored quilted wrap that's the most beautiful thing."

"Yellow is good," Jane said. "Yellow looks good with red hair."

"I hope it won't have red hair, though. Having red hair is a burden."

Jane told her a lie that she meant to be kind: "I think red hair is pretty."

"But people make fun of it," Anne pointed out.

"People can make fun of a person for anything," Tillie spoke up. "And anyway, if the baby is ever made fun of for having red hair, at least it'll have someone who can sympathize with it!"

Anne looked at her. She could see that the girls were really trying to be helpful. So she said, "That's true."

Jane thought of something she wrongly assumed would be helpful: "It isn't just the parents that a baby takes after! Sometimes babies look like their other relatives! You know how much you like black hair, Anne? My mother's hair is light brown, but her brothers and sisters all have very dark hair, it's nearly black. And our grandfather on our mother's side had hair as dark as night! So maybe your baby will have really dark hair."

Anne was not comprehending how any of that would influence her baby's hair- until at last her brain finally clicked and made the connection that Jane's grandparents hair color could be passed down to her baby, because all of Jane's relatives were also her baby's relatives.

And when she realized this, her heart sank.

She did not mind her baby being related to Jane, really...Jane was a good person, kind, and brave, but she was sometimes surprised to remember that Jane had anything to do with her baby.

Does this mean Jane and I are related now? Anne wondered. ...This is confusing.

And Jane's grandparents...

Her baby would have all these people related to it, stretching out for miles, and she did not know any of them. The thought was overwhelming to her.

Jane was talking, but Anne wasn't listening.

Thoughts were swimming in her head now. The baby being related to herself sometimes gave Anne a jolt- it wasn't just a random creature- it was actually a part of her, related to her in a way that no one else ever had been. That idea was almost unfathomable.

So to be hit with the truth that this little person growing inside her came complete with its own lineage and inherited traits that had nothing to do with her. ...It was scary for her to have to accept that.

Every person alive has blood relatives somewhere, even if they never know who they are, Anne reasoned. Who knows who I'm related to? ...It's all right for my baby to have all those relatives out there. It'll be my influence that matters most, more than theirs, because they may give it traits, but I'll be the one to influence its behavior.

Unless...what if inherited traits matter more than learned ones? What if this baby can't be a good person no matter what I do? No, no, that can't be. I can make it be a good person. Blood relatives don't-

Her train of thought crashed upon the words "blood relatives". The term made her think too much of the blood. The blood that runs through my baby's veins is Billy's blood. Billy's blood, mixed with mine. Our blood forever combined in a whole new person...

This thought was too much to bear.

Jane was not aware of Anne's mental struggle, and when Anne came back to the present and began listening again to what Jane was saying, she heard: "...most babies are bald, I think. Or...well, not bald exactly. But they just kind of have blonde peach fuzz."

Anne smiled faintly at the way "peach fuzz" sounded.

"All three of us were bald with peach fuzz to start with," Jane said, referring to her siblings. "You know, Anne, even if your baby has red hair, hair doesn't always stay the same all through a person's life! Prissy and Billy and I were all blonde when we were little. Real blonde. But as we grew up, it gradually turned to a light brown. And Prissy and I can't really be called blonde at all anymore, can we? Billy's still blonde, but more in a honey-blonde sort of way; lots of times his hair just looks light brown like ours does. I think the sunshine has a lot to do with it, too- I've noticed hair lightens up in the summer..."

Jane suddenly realized her mistake and said, "I'm sorry. I forget sometimes that- that-"

She trailed off, lamely, feeling uncomfortable. Tillie was biting her lip, feeling awkward for even having listened to this.

Anne finally turned to look at her. She had no ill will toward Jane, and even though she felt unhappy, she also felt unhappy knowing that Jane felt unhappy. So she said, "It's all right, Jane. This must feel mixed up to you, too!"

Jane reached out and comfortingly squeezed Anne to her side, silently thanking her for being understanding.

"I don't want the baby to look like Billy," she whispered softly. "I know I said I didn't want it to have red hair, but...now if it's got blonde or even brown hair, I..."

Jane seemed to understand now that the problem was it being on her side of the family at all. So she said, "Anne, you were too little to remember your parents, weren't you?"

"I was three months old when they died," Anne confirmed.

"Do you have any photographs of them?" Jane asked.

Anne shook her head. "They were poor as church mice. I doubt they ever went to have a photograph made."

"Then you don't know what color hair they had. Oh, sure, it's likely at least one was redheaded, but, you don't know- the other one could have had any color hair. A honey blonde baby could be because one of your parents had that color hair."

Anne turned to her and with a genuine smile, said, "That helps tremendously, Jane."

Jane was relieved.

Anne smiled kindly at her. "And if there's anything I think might have come from...from your side of the family, I'll be happy if I can tell myself that it came from you, Jane." Then she took a big breath, feeling better. "Tell me all about school. I miss everything. Even geometry. Even Mr. Phillips."

"Didn't anyone tell you, Anne? We're getting a new teacher in the fall."