The Three of Us

36. To Tell a Story

Although, Emily's babysitting money didn't really go a long way. Anne wanted more than she could have. She appreciated Matthew's offer, but felt that since she had her own money, she ought to use it.

"You don't just have your babysitting money," Marilla reminded her. "You have your own bank account- quite a hefty one- and you're free to do with it whatever you please. You could buy a whole library of books, and it wouldn't even make a dent."

Anne's face clouded over. "I don't want to use their money. I'd rather have nothing at all than use their money."

"But you wouldn't be using it," Matthew said. "The baby would be using it."

"That's what it's for, isn't it?" Marilla asked. "That's why they gave it to you- to buy things for the baby."

"They don't care about what the baby needs! They only gave us that money to try to smooth things over so the mess could go away. I'm surprised they didn't offer you money to move away from Avonlea so they could pretend we don't exist!"

"Anne," Marilla said patiently. "They gave the money because they knew it wasn't fair for Billy not to have to cover any of the expenses."

"Oh, it wasn't fair," Anne said, feeling bitter. "It wasn't fair for Billy not to cover any expenses? It's also not fair for Billy not to have to change diapers and get up in the night with a crying baby and-"

"Would you want him to?" Marilla asked sharply. "You want him to come over here and be in our house with the baby? Or have to go over there to bring the baby back and forth, so that it's fair?"

"No, I don't!" Anne said, angry. "I don't want to have anything to do with him...I just don't think it's fair that he doesn't have to!"

"Well," Marilla said, more calmly now, "I know you were considering finding another home for the baby, and you mentioned how it would be difficult to even locate someone. ...But we never thought about the Andrews being a resource, there."

"They don't want it."

"No, I doubt they'd have any interest in keeping it. But I suppose we could have at least asked. Suppose we did ask, and they were willing. Would that be an acceptable solution to you? You wouldn't have to keep it, and you wouldn't have to try to find someone to take it, either."

Anne felt all right about the baby for a little while in her bedroom, but now the reminder of where it came from made it harder to accept. Still, she didn't really want the Andrews to take it off her hands. So she said, "...If they found someone for it, maybe. But not if they kept it themselves!"

Marilla nodded. "We can ask them to be on the lookout, then. They might be of some assistance there."

Anne hesitated. "But what if they didn't find someone and then they decided to just keep it?"

"Well, I don't know, Anne. I...I hate to think they'd treat the baby as a pawn, but I suppose once they were in possession of it, they might make trouble for you if you wanted it back...I don't want to worry you, but it's best to be realistic."

That settled it; Anne could not allow the Andrews to be involved in finding a home for the baby, just in case they would decide to hold it from her if she wanted it back.

"I hate feeling like there are no choices," Anne said, upset.

Matthew hugged her close to him.

She said glumly, "You know what? I wish Billy wanted to see the baby...I wish he was just begging to see it. Because then I could tell him no and refuse to let him see it, and then he'd see how it feels to be left with no choice!"