Being Nash Grier's Sister

Chapter 14

Liv's P.O.V:

Today's the day I go to rehab.

Gross.

I pack my bag, which consists of my laptop, headphones, iPod, makeup, and clothes.

I sigh as I say goodbye to my room for who knows how long.

I hesitate to go downstairs, but I do it anyway.

"Hey, honey," Mom kisses my cheek.

"Hi," I mumble, quite unenthusiastically.

"I made French toast, it's on the counter," she grabs my bags and heads to the car.

I eat one piece and then go to the living room.

I don't know how long I'm gonna be gone, but I wanna stay here.

I miss Nash and Hayes and the guys so much, and it breaks my heart that they're not here right now.

I guess I'm not important enough, but the fans are.

"Honey, it's time to go," Mom snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Okay," I sigh.

Time for an hour long drive to hell.

I put my Beats on and listen to Lupe Fiasco for most of the ride there.

The outside looks kinda nice, but I can't like it here. I need to get better as soon as I can and so I can get outta here.

Mom opens the back of the car so I can grab my bag, and she follows me inside.

"Hello! You must be Olivia! We've been waiting for you!" A perky front desk lady says, and shakes my hand.

"I- um, I actually go by Liv," I smile.

"Okay, Liv, let's go to your room!" She walks from behind the room and I follow, as does Mom.

"This is your room, so you can unpack and get everything situated, and then you can press this button on the wall, and we'll come and show ya around," She smiles.

"Can do," I smile back.

"Honey, I have to go, Sky needs to be picked up in a few hours, but I'll see you in a few days, okay? I love you so much," She pulls me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Love you too, mom. See you soon," I smile as she walks out the door.

After she leaves, my smile fades away quickly.

I unpack my stuff and get it all situated the way I like it, and then I press the button.

The same lady comes back. "Alright, are you ready to see the place?" She smiles.

I nod, and we walk out the door.

She shows me the pool, running track, basketball court, gym, cafeteria, and the hallway for therapy.

After that, we go eat, I just have a baked potato and pink lemonade.

We make small talk, and I make a new friend named Stephanie, and we talk and then I go to bed.

Maybe, just maybe, I could like this place a tiny bit.

************

I wake up the next morning at around seven, and I have counseling today. Fabulous.

I stumble out of bed, and get dressed. I'm going to the basketball court after counseling.

Counseling is okay, I can trust my therapist. She didn't judge me, she listened, and she understood. It was painful talking about it, but I guess that's how I need to get better.

I go back to my room and change into basketball shorts and a muscle shirt and head to the basketball court.

I feel like wherever I am, or what's going on, the basketball court is and always is like home.

I shoot hoops for about an hour, then I head to my room and shower. I have a lot of freedom here.

I eat dinner, and head back to my room, and go on my phone. I go on Twitter, and I decide to tweet.

@LivGrier: No matter where you are, or what happens, just know that I'm here and I love y'all so much.

Lots of people re-tweeted and favorited my tweet, but it doesn't matter. As long as they know that I'm okay and I love them, that's all that I care about.

I'm chilling in bed, and I realize that I haven't posted my Magcon video on YouTube yet.

I edited it, I just didn't upload it yet, or make a channel.

I'll do it tomorrow, as long as I don't have therapy or anything.

I creep on Twitter, and I end up on Nash's page.

From the tweets that he literally tweeted it an hour ago, he's having the time of his life.

Damn, that hurts. A lot.

I knew it all along.

He doesn't miss me. He doesn't want me to get better. He doesn't want to be my big brother. He doesn't care if I die. He doesn't love me. He doesn't care that I am here. He doesn't care.

•Flashback•

"Do you promise, no matter how famous you guys get, you'll be here for me?" I look at my blue-eyed brothers.

"I promise, I will never leave your side." Nash smiles.

"I love you, Liv. I'll never leave. That's a promise," Hayes smiles, too.

I hold out my hands. "Pinkie promise?"

They both laugh and lock pinkies with me.

"Pinkie promise," they say at the same time.

•End of Flashback•

How could I be so fucking stupid?

To think that my brothers would actually mean that they'd never leave me.

I want to laugh at how damn dumb I was and still am for thinking that they would put me first.

But, no! It's never about me.

The only time that I get the smallest speck of attention is when I try to kill myself in a hotel bathroom.

Even then, Mom was more concerned about Hayes because he was crying.

They told me I was selfish, but then again, instead of hurting them, I was hurting myself, and they hurt me.

I need to listen to music to not think about cutting.

One of my favorites, I Believe by Christina Perri, is the one I choose.

"Cause I have been, where you are before. And I have felt the pain of losing who you are. And I have died so many times, but I am still alive," I sing my heart out, and then I cry.

I don't know why, but it sure as hell feels great.