Morning Looks Good on You - [Shawn Mendes]

Chapter 39

Over the next few weeks the girls each leave for university, on the bright side I've started to like my job a little more since I've gotten to know my work colleagues better, but I can't lie and say the 9-5 at a desk wasn't draining the life from me.
I spend lunch breaks scrolling through social media and joining the odd conversation that spikes my interest.
Shawns new Instagram post appears on my screen, a photo of him playing guitar in his all too familiar apartment captioned 'she caught me writing at 4am'. I think back to what is now over a year ago, when I caught Shawn writing songs when he couldn't sleep. My heart feels heavy but I smile at the memory.

"What are you smiling about?" Charlotte asks taking a glance at my phone. "Oh Shawn Mendes, you have a crush?" She says with a wink.

"You have no idea" I say back with a hint of sarcasm.

"He's pretty cute and his music isn't half bad" she says and I nod. "Too bad he's got a girlfriend" tell me about it. Charlotte is the only other girl employee that's under 40 so naturally we've become friends, there's a few other younger employees but they are overly chatty like us.

At the weekend I head out mountain biking, I haven't been out in a while and I need something to lift my spirits.
Dad gives me a lift to the forest, he lifts my bike out of the back of his pickup and I set off. I'm speeding down a trail when I see a few more bikers in front. Straight away I recognise one of their jerseys, Will. I brake a little to let them get ahead but my brakes squeak since I haven't had my bike out in a while, Will immediately looks back and see me but keeps going. I silently pray that he didn't recognise me. I reach the end of the trail and stop for a quick drink.

"Hey Jen" I hear behind me, I roll my eyes before turning around.

"Will" I say with the most genuine smile I can muster.

"Sorry for ambushing you like this but you never reply to my messages" Yea I know, there's a reasons for that dumbass. "Look, I know we have a few issues but I just want you to know that don't have anything against you, I still consider you a friend" he says.

I cross my arms "Anything against me? I've never done anything for you to hold against me in the first place Will?"

"You kissed that guy right in front of me" he says. I burst out laughing.

"Are you for real? You are so full of self pity you don't even realise how ridiculous that is, first off, you kissed someone in front of me first, who might I add, was the girl you told me not to worry about and besides when I kissed that guy you had been with Hayley for nearly 6 months" I say. "You dumped me remember?"

"I don't know why I bother" he says shaking his head.

"Bother doing what?" I ask. "Trying to get an apology? Some sympathy? Grow up and leave me alone" I put my foot on the pedal and turn to leave.

"Who was that guy?" Will calls.

"Just some guy" I say before cycling down the next trial. Just some guy? Oh how I wish he was so I could get him of my mind.
From the forest to my house it's mostly down hill so I have an easy cycle to finish my day. After dinner I run a bath to relax my muscles because I know they'll be sore tomorrow, I get out and go to the den to watch a movie with Sadie, as I scroll through Instagram I see the girls are posting photos with all their university friends, It's a Saturday night so their all getting ready to go out and I'm watching the breakfast club with my dog.

Shawn POV:
I pass a newsstand 'Shawn Mendes looks happy with girlfriend in Toronto' I roll my eyes, these things never get anything right, but then again I was posting in social media like it was the most perfect relationship ever. I continue walking until I reach the recording studio.

"Ready?" Ben mouths through the glass and I nod, this song is about a girl, I start off thinking about Bree but quickly she fades and thoughts of Jen crop up, I try to shake them out of my mind but it's difficult when I wrote this song about her.

"Shawn buddy you must really love that Bree chick, great emotion in that recording" I blush, if only he knew that it wasn't Bree who spikes my emotions like that.

"Ugh Thanks" I say before grabbing a drink. I record a second song before heading home to the apartment.
I go straight to my music room and begin writing, I can't shake this guilty feeling. The lyrics are coming to me faster than I can write,
I finish scribbling them all down and sit back to read over them. "Shit" I say out loud, I can't stop writing songs about having conflicting feelings and the lyrics are so raw and perfect but I know if these songs ever go further than my notebook it will break Brees heart or at least piss her off. I close my book and begin to play the piano, I begin playing a familiar tune from memory.
"I met a superhero, I lost her, I want her back" I sing as I play, this is the song I used to get Jen to talk to me after our argument. I sigh before stopping, I need to stop toying with myself, Bree is a great girl and I don't want to loose her. Right?
I decide to have a shower to clear my head, I toss my lyric book onto the coffee table and head for the bathroom. As I'm changing I hear Bree enter the apartment, my guilt grows.
"I'm home" she calls out.

"I'm getting changed, be out soon" I say as a pull on some underwear. Once I'm changed I walk out into the living room and see that Bree is reading my lyric book, my heart sinks.

"What is this?" She says hold the book open for me to read.

"They're just lyrics" I say trying to play it cool.

"I can't make the feelings fade, all the memories we made" she quotes "there's at least three songs about her"

"About who?" I ask playing dumb.

Bree looks like she's about to strangle me "her! don't make me say her name!" She yells like a toddler having a tantrum.

"Bree they're just lyrics" I say. "They're could be about anyone"

"I am so fucking sick of this" she steps closer "look me in the eyes and tell me you can confidently say that if she were here right now you'd still choose me"

My mind races, do I lie? Would I be lying? Do I really love Bree? Do I only want Jen because I can't have her?
"Bree I can't I'm sorry, I honestly don't know" my shoulder slump, I know I've hurt her.

"I tried to ignore it, but it's clear that you're still not over her"

"Of course I am! it's been over a year since she was here" I say.

Bree shakes her head "you're a fool if you think that you can put a time stamp on those kind of things, and an even bigger fool of you think you're over her" she says. "I'm going to get my things" she says before storming off. I sit down on the sofa with my head in my hands, I'm such an idiot.

"Bree wait" I say as grabs her clothes and shoved them into a bag. "I'm sorry" I say to Bree as she lifts the last of her things.

"I can't revive I'm I'll never know what you see in her" she rolls her eyes "someday you'll realise what you just lost" and with that she swings her bag over her shoulder and leaves, and like that I'm back to living alone.
Bree never could see what I see in Jen because she was too busy being jealous and hurling insults at her to appreciate how great she is. She had a good reason to be jealous, she could never compete with Jen.

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