Marvellous days

Chapter 57 -The First Step Is Always the Hardest-

Bella hugged me the entire time and the tears slowly stopped. All of a sudden, Bella looked up, concentrated for a moment and then looked worriedly at me. “Rose is back,” she whispered. “Then let’s begin with the lies,” I said sarcastically. Bella looked at me compassionately and squeezed my hand. I took a deep breath and let Bella help me on my feet.

“Get ready and dressed and take your time. I will go to Rose,” she smiled and closed the door behind her softly. I sighed and looked into the mirror a last time before I got dressed. Please let me get through this, I begged and stepped out of the room. Now I was grateful that Carlisle wasn’t home, I would never be able to hide it. He knows me too good that it will be difficult anyway.

I walked over to the stairs and heard the laughter from downstairs. Carlie was laughing whole-heartedly and Rose was joining in and sang “I will get you, little sweetie.” I smiled feebly and took the last steps to the staircase.

I looked at the wall and saw the painting I’ve got for my birthday from Rose, the one with Carlisle, Carlie and me. I touched Carlisle’s picture and sighed. “I hope you can eventually forgive me for what I am about to do,” I whispered. I let go and walked downstairs with a smile on my face.

“There you are,” Rose laughed and hugged me. Carlie came running over to me and hugged my leg. I lifted her into my arms and hugged her close, so close. “I love you,” I whispered into her ear. She looked up and gave me a kiss. “Thank you,” I smiled at her. She assessed my expression for a moment and then looked concerned. “I’m fine,” I told her and kissed her hand that was stroking my cheek.

She was happy again and motioned over to her toys in the winter garden. “Yes, we can play,” I told her and carried her over there. Bella appeared next to me and patted my shoulder. “I’ll be fine,” I whispered. She nodded slightly and then smiled. “What is wrong with you two? Are you having such a psychic conversation as Alice and Edward?” Rosalie laughed. “We wish,” Bella laughed with her, but I could see that she didn’t mean it. Rose didn’t notice though.

Now I also burdened her, as if worrying about her own family wasn’t enough… “I want to be there for you,” she whispered when Rose was engrossed with playing. I looked up at her and tears threatened to spill over. Rose looked up as well and let the soft toy fall down. “Esme?” she asked concerned and moved to my side. “Stupid mood swings again…” I sounded unnerved. “Oh, okay. Tell me if you need anything,” she told me and she really meant it. “I will,” I promised.

“Wow-wow,” Carlie told me when she pointed at a Dalmatian in one of her books. “Yes, a dog,” I told her and smiled in approval. She watched me for a second more and then looked through the book I was reading to her.

“I will make her a bottle,” Rosalie told me after hours of playing. “Okay,” I smiled and she ruffled Carlie’s hair and kissed my hair before she walked outside. Carlie came crawling over to me and I sat her on my lap. She was already tired and leaned against me while holding my hand.

Bella moved closer to us and Carlie smiled at her “Bell,” she babbled. Bella smiled broadly at her. “Did you hear that?” she asked amazed. “I did,” I laughed. “You’re such a little cutie,” she cooed and gave Carlie kisses on her cheeks. She in return giggled.

“Oh, but before Rose returns,” Bella interrupted herself and turned serious again, “I will shield you whenever I can to reduce the risk that Edward might know, if that’s okay. It will be hard enough anyway…” she whispered and looked down at the last sentence. “Okay, and thank you,” I told her and touched her arm. “Always,” she smiled when she looked at me.

“So, here you go,” Rose walked back inside and gave Carlie the bottle, who took it eagerly. “The boys just called. They will be here in an hour. They would have been here hours ago if Emmett didn’t want to find a grizzly bear,” she told us annoyed and rolled her eyes. “You know Emmett,” I laughed. “Yeah…” she muttered but smirked.

“I will get her upstairs,” I announced and got up with Carlie lying on my shoulder. “Okay, night sweetie,” Rose said and gave her a kiss. Bella blew a kiss to her and then started to tell Rose the exciting news that Carlie said her name. The last thing I heard at the stairs upstairs was Rosalie’s “No way.” I smiled and walked into Carlie’s nursery.

“Here you go,” I said and put Carlie into her crib after getting her dressed for bed. I gave her her teddy bear and she cuddled with it contently. I gave her a kiss and sat next to the crib in the rocking chair.

She watched me and held one of her hands up. I took it and she held onto my ring finger through the bars of the crib. I watched her as well and took the time to think.

“You know, you will get a baby sister or brother soon,” I told her with a smile. She looked at me in wonder and then squealed. “Should that mean that you like the idea?” I laughed and stroked her hand. She only smiled and held onto her teddy bear.

“I am excited. But also scared. So scared…” I whispered and lay my head on the crib. Tears were coming again, but I wiped them away. “But let’s hope that everything turns out fine and you will have your sibling in your small arms,” I smiled at her.

She reached for my cheek and I leaned in. She showed me how happy I was when she was smaller and how I and Carlisle looked at her. She had a perfect memory just like a vampire. “Yes, we will be a happy family. No despair no dangers…” I whispered.

She patted my cheek again and this time I felt all the love everyone in this family had for me. I could feel the difference between the persons somehow, but everyone loved me as much as I loved them. “Thank you,” I sighed and smiled at her. “But now it’s time to sleep,” I told her softly and pulled on the music box playing lullabies. She yawned, making her lips forming an o, and she closed her eyes. I smiled at her and stroked her hair. She moved around a bit until she was asleep.

I just sat there and watched her. After some time, I didn’t even know how long I had been sitting here, I heard the front door closing and opening followed by voices. I sighed and wished I wouldn’t have to leave this room, but I already heard someone on the stairs. I got up with a last glance at our daughter and closed the door behind me softly.

“There you are,” Carlisle whispered and awaited me with a happy smile. He approached me and held his arms open. I closed the distance and hugged him. I inhaled his scent and closed my eyes. He held me close and stroked my back.

“Tuff day?” he asked after a moment. “You have no idea,” I whispered. “Yeah, Rose can be a handful sometimes, not to forget Carlie. I won’t leave you alone for so long again, I promise,” he told me and when I looked up, he smiled brilliantly at me. I nodded and hid in his chest again.

“How was the hunting trip?” I asked to change the topic. “Great. We got some mountain lions and bears. You know Emmett…” he laughed, “I missed you and Carlie though. It is certainly not worth it,” he smiled and kissed my hair. I sighed. “I missed you too,” I told him. “I missed you so much, you have no idea,” I said under my breath. He looked at me confused and concerned. “You know, I just like it more to have you around,” I explained. “I will be,” he promised.

“Do you want to talk about your day? It didn’t seem to have been a good one,” he asked. “It wasn’t bad, we all played with Carlie and she actually said Bella’s name,” I told him with as much enthusiasm as I could.

“Nothing bad?” he asked confused again. I must look terrible… “No, I am just tired. I think I go to bed now,” I told him. “Okay,” he smiled and took my hand. “Then let’s go and catch some sleep,” he winked and laughed. “I definitely will,” I laughed genuinely. He stroked my hand and once again kissed my hair.

He waited until I was in bed and then kissed me and stroked my hair. “I will be back, but I still need to talk to Jasper and Edward. I promise I will be here,” he said and walked out with a last loving smile.

I stared at the door for a long time before I turned to lie on my stomach and started to cry. I muffled my sobs with the pillow and as nobody came it must have worked. “This is so unfair,” I choked out and held onto the pillow. I turned back onto my back and stroked my stomach. Like that I fell asleep totally exhausted, emotionally as physically.

-All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer-