Marvellous days

Chapter 56 -Painful Secret-

I was gaining consciousness again when I noticed that I was lying on the floor and looked up to meet Bella’s eyes. “Esme?” she asked worriedly. I looked up at her and she studied my face, whatever she found worried her even more.

“Is something wrong? Are you hurt?” she asked fast. “Yes…No… I don’t know,” I began to cry again and she took me into her arms. She helped me into my bathrobe and just held me to her. She would let me cry until I wanted to speak. My mind was overwhelmed with all the new information and I couldn’t think properly.

After a long moment I looked at her again and took a deep steadying breath. “I am pregnant,” I whispered. “Oh, Esme that is…” she started enthusiastically until she realized what I had already. “Oh my God,” she whispered.

“What am I gonna do?” I asked her. “They cannot know. They might find one of their sick strategies or accusations because of that knowledge,” she whispered softly. “I know…” I mumbled and lay my hand on my stomach.

“Why now? I am immeasurable grateful for it, but why now? Just think about Alice’s vision and I have to be there for Carlisle, Carlie and you all. I want to give this child all the love it deserves, but how am I gonna do this? They are never allowed to know…” I said.

“Esme, right now don’t think about us, you must think about yourself and your baby. You have to rest… And… you know Alice’s visions are not always accurate. I would be dead if that was the case. But here I am…” she told me and stroked my back. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“I hope so. I am hoping for that since I knew…”

She held me close. “How can we even hide this from Aro?” I asked after a moment. I still couldn’t think right. She looked at me deeply in thought and then her face showed pain. I looked worriedly at her. “There is only one way… You cannot tell anyone, not even Carlisle… You shouldn’t be visibly pregnant until after the Volturi, right?” “I am two months along…” Then her words really seeped into my mind. Not telling Carlisle? He cannot know that I am carrying his child? I started to cry again even harder and now I knew why pain was visible on her face. She knew how it felt to keep a painful secret to protect your loved ones and I felt that pain now.

But… He has a right to know, it is his child… “I can’t,” I sobbed.

“Edward cannot read your mind all the time and Alice has really trouble getting any pictures of you at all, even Jasper has problems reaching you at times. You have a high chance that Aro cannot read your thoughts. If he does not know from you and not from me, there are only the others. He would know if I would shield them and that might cause others problems, so you have to keep him in the dark. Keep it a secret until after the battle,” she reasoned. “If I survive,” I whispered.

“You will survive, Esme. No way will we not protect you. We will fight and hopefully win. You were there for me and now I will be there for you,” she promised and smiled for the first time at me since she had found me.

“I still can’t. I want to protect this baby, I really do. I know that it’s the only way. It’s our only chance,” I whispered and looked at my stomach. “But?” Bella asked softly. A tear rolled down my face. “Carlisle…” I sobbed.

“I cannot tell you that I know how that feels, because I never had to hide something like that with Edward, but I do know how it feels to keep a maybe lifesaving secret. I had gone to the lawyer and let him make me passports and all for Nessie and Jake, because I never thought we would live through it. It pained me so much for even thinking that I could not be there for my daughter. And Edward knew that I was hiding something, but he probably also knew that I was hiding it to protect and not hurt him… And as you remember, I nearly lost Edward during the pregnancy. I do know how that feels… but I will be there for you and I fervently hope that it will be different with you. The most difficult part will be keeping your distance from Carlisle. It’s the only way…” she whispered and still held me close. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

Suddenly I felt so much hate building up inside me which resulted in more tears, but my fists balled up in anger. They always have to destroy and take away everything! The Volturi might now destroy my bond with Carlisle. “Enough,” I screamed, but burst out in tears again. Bella understood my anger and soothed me. “I will be there…” she chanted over and over again.

-All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer-