A Barrier Meant To Be Broken

A Foundation, Barrier, or Both?

One day, I will let you go... Turn my back on you and never look behind me.

However, the simple fact, is that I cannot leave us be.

Our love was a traumatic event,

Young love it was, a love that was true but broken.

We didn't know how to stay together. After we broke apart...

Over and over we continue to see, that we needed to hear each's voice.

Which was only poisoning, the relationship between us both.

It didn't make sense until now. I cried and cried. The truth came to be in the light many years...later

At the time, my friends were screaming... All except one.

She wanted to see us be happy. She convinced us both that we were one.

But as the years past, our relationship only suffered.

We were in love with the idea of what we had before, but our brokenness was still there.

We tried to hide it and couldn't bare, that we would separate, which made us who we are today.

I know fully well that I love you. You know, deep in your soul that, I made you.

Today we try to move on, and here I am thinking of a song...

You want to let go of me. There's a man in your life and he makes you happy.

In my eyes, that's a wonderful thing. All I want for you is to... be happy

But I know that I can't live without you. I tell myself to turn away, but when I'm knee deep in my anxiety...

I try to heave myself up, and find myself whispering...

I close my eyes and sing out, "Im sorry. I need you now." Then you pull me up. Without another word.

You try not to look me in the eyes and I inhale and use the strength you give me to resurface.

My knees shake. You sit with me. You're shaking your head

Telling me, That you can't keeping doing this.

And I whisper, "I know"

Sometimes I'm crying and holding my knees to my chest.

You sit in silence and wait for me to progress.

This is the main reason why, I can't turn my back on you.

The feelings of dependence run to deep in my veins

I call you My Foundation and I am Your Beginning...

But the truth is, you are not my structure and I am not your end.

Even though when we falter, we will always be there till the end.

But we know that what we had. Will never be, again. So what are we doing now?

That's a good question. But when you force me off the ground and you look into my eyes.

Sending a message that I know too well, "Not again. I'll be here to listen."

"But I can't be the one." "The one and only."

And usually. I interrupt. And say, "I know." "I'll do my best."

Then years later it happens again. A never ending cycle. That has us making empty promises.

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October 17, 2017