Completed on 24/09/2018
Tell me who hurt you?" It was a command. I could have been afraid and probably told the whole of my traumatic childhood but I shook my head. There was no way I was telling him my darkest secrets.
"I will find out..I always...
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I love how well you carry my baby within you.
~Raphael~
Raphael
*Unedited*
"Would you please stop turning too much?" Sophie groaned sitting up on the bed but not before kicking my leg with her foot "I'm not babe, you're" I said calmly sitting up as well and pulling her into my arms, caressing her bump which was getting bigger every day.
"I'm sorry. I know I've been mean this couple of months but I hate not sleeping, being tired all the time, peeing every few minutes and eating too much" she said using her fingers to make the point.
"To be fair you eat a lot even when you're not pregnant" she glowered again, hitting my shoulder, not softly but hard. "You're also jealous because I can sleep and you can't"
"Why do you get to sleep when I can't?"
"Because I'm not pregnant. You are"
She hit me again, this time with a pillow
"You made me pregnant you unfeeling dolt"
I smiled. Happy as I gazed upon her pissed off pretty face before moving my eyes to the bump where our baby lay secured in her mother's womb, inwardly gasping as I realized I wanted a daughter. A beautiful miniature of her mother including her heart, her ability to sooth, her love for people because I sure as hell didn't have a loving heart.
She stayed in my arms for a while, a long silence ensued. One of her hand still on her tummy while the other lightly pressed on my bicep, her breath warm against my cheek, one of her leg enveloped between mine.
She wiggled a little, like she wanted to turn her body towards me but the size of her bump rendered the movement impossible. Her breath hitched as I smothered her back with my hands murmuring to her ear, trying to quieten her.
"Babe, what can I do?"
She lifted her head off me, a sort of a smile at the corner of her mouth. "I still love the way you call me babe"
I chortled, pulling her to me again and tucking her head beneath my chin. I wanted to make her feel better and I did not know how to do that.
"I'm sorry am keeping you awake" she whispered, kissing my neck, and I felt a tightness in my stomach, a wave of arousal sweeping through my body and I felt both selfish and embarrassed that I could think of making love to her while she was feeling so emotionally wrecked.
"Do not for a second worry about that. I love you and I love taking care of you." I drew her down beside me on the bed, making sure there was enough space between her bump and my body but close enough to feel her warmth.
She exhaled softly and almost contently. "You know what I hate the most?" She whispered.
"No. What?" I whispered back.
"Crying at the drop of hat and mostly over nothing. I cried today when you left for work. I felt lonely and abandoned" her blue eyes shone with tears "Please don't feel bad about that, its just hormones" She continued.
"What else do you hate?"
"Sleeping only on my back, and taking ions to climb the stairs"
"Would you like us to move into one of the downstairs bedroom in the meantime?" I asked, ready to carry her down until she could feel comfortable climbing the stairs again"
"Absolutely not! I love our bedroom. But I think its only fair for me to be sleeping in the next room so you can sleep"
"No." I said sternly "You sleep beside me. I don't care if you turn and toss the whole night, I don't care whether you keep the lights on until morning, you sleep with me"
"I love you Raphael" She said after a while, caressing my cheek. "I love that you made me pregnant again, I love that you hold me through the night when I can't sleep, how you wake up in the middle of the night to check whether I'm okay, those text messages you send me throughout the day especially the emojis because I know you hate them, but you send them anyways because I love receiving them from you. Or how you bring me those tiny vanilla wrapped up sweets just because its what I crave."
An overwhelming emotion filled my heart, accompanied by a flutter of panic that had been sneaking into my gut in the last couple of months. Afraid of what might happen to Sophie during the birth. The idea that I might lose her almost drove me insane. Sometimes I woke up from a deep sleep, sweating and reaching out for her in the middle of the night just to reassure myself that she was okay still sleeping beside me.
"I love you too. And I love how brave and stoic you've been. Please tell me what you're most afraid of. I know you're happy and eager to meet our baby, but I also see the panic in your eyes and I also saw you'd googled 'how painful is childbirth on your laptop yesterday'
"You checked my browser history?"
"Yes, after you brought it to me because you'd spilled tea on it and it had frozen"
"Oh, I remember"
Then I saw tears shimmering on her eyes before one of them traced unheeded down her cheek and I angled my head, kissing away the tears "tell me cara. What are you most afraid of?"
"I'm afraid of the pain, but most of all I'm afraid of dying while or after giving birth. I want to raise my baby, I want to be there to watch him or her grow up"
"Her. I think its a girl. And you're going to be here to raise her because I wouldn't know what to do without you"
"Of course you would be okay"
"No. Do not even think about it. You'll be alright. I'm gonna make sure of it even if I have to hire a whole freaking hospital with all its staff members just to be on the safe side."
"A whole hospital wouldn't change a damn thing if I'm to die"
"You're not dying. I will not let you"
"Sweetheart, I don't think its up to you. But I'm with you on that, I ain't dying." She said that in a way that was meant to reassure me, but I could still hear the panic in her voice.
"Baibe, 99% of women survive childbirth, I refuse to believe you'll be among the 1% that doesn't." I said hoarsely.
