Completed on 24/09/2018
Tell me who hurt you?" It was a command. I could have been afraid and probably told the whole of my traumatic childhood but I shook my head. There was no way I was telling him my darkest secrets.
"I will find out..I always...
If people are going to be allowed to say "we love you" and "I love you", they'd better have the backbone to prove it. Love isn't just a word."
C. JoyBell C.
We now begin the count down to the end of bred in violence, I hope you guys are excited as I am.
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Raphael
"What do you mean you think she is pregnant?" Romano and Bruno asked at the same time, both their eyes fixed on me. We were skyping with Rom who was still in Kenya and still keeping us in the dark as to why he was there.
"Has she not mentioned it?" This from Bruno who was now standing beside me.
"I don't think she knows" I was both worried and excited. How could I let this happen, we had been so careful so meticulous. Yet part of me was looking forward to being a father.
"And you think you know?" Bruno sounded bewildered.
"I don't think I know, I know for a fact she is pregnant! Oh, fuck, saying that out loud just scared the shit out of me"
I sat with my hands on my face, my heart racing frantically. I could hear the guys mumbling but I couldn't make out their words. My mind was filled with scenarios and reasons why I shouldn't be a father.
How could I let this happen? What the hell was I thinking?
I had never thought of having children or a permanent woman in my life until Sophie innocently waltzed into my life looking beautiful and impeccable. Her hair burning red huddled and trying to be invisible.
I should have turned my face from her then, I should have agreed with her boss to let the other girl—whose face I couldn't remember to take us to view the house—but I didn't, I had insisted I wanted Sophie. Now she was pregnant with my child, I was about to be a father.
"How do you know and she doesn't?"
"Probably the same reason she didn't know the first time" Rom muttered. "damn, you need to tell her before anything happens"
"What do you mean before anything happens?" my voice felt alien to me, I hadn't forgotten what happened the last time, it was still very much ingrained in my mind.
Sophie not eating Sophie not sleeping Sophie crying every time and me feeling helpless and useless.
I couldn't go back to that. I didn't think Sophie would survive it a second time. I didn't think I would survive it again without going insane.
"I'm still waiting to know how you know she's pregnant?"
"C'mon, she is showing."
"I saw the woman this morning in a fitting dress top. No, she is not showing" Bruno asserted, lighting a cigarette, pausing to puff off before adding, "I think you're mistaken"
