Completed on 24/09/2018
Tell me who hurt you?" It was a command. I could have been afraid and probably told the whole of my traumatic childhood but I shook my head. There was no way I was telling him my darkest secrets.
"I will find out..I always...
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There is nothing prettier in the whole wide world than a girl in love with every breath she takes
~Atticus~
Sophie
*Unedited*
I sat with my arms around my grandmother, my head on her shoulder, enveloped in both her warmth and love and I couldn't believe my mother had walked away from the security and love of two parents.
I never met my grandfather, another thing I had to blame my mother for. If it wasn't her selfishness, he would probably be alive today rather than dead from heartbreak.
"Thank you again for telling me"
I felt her nod and I turned kissing her cheek before getting up and going round to cook some tea.
It was peaceful again, I felt better than I felt at the beginning. Now I knew the worst of my mother, the worst of my parents.
"Do you know why my father hated me so much?"
I asked, my voice devoid of any emotions. I felt nothing for the man I called my father, nothing.
"I don't think he is capable of loving anyone other than himself" My grandmother voiced.
"He has another family" I countered.
"It's probably more for his security than anything else. He has always been very selfish. I think he persuaded your mother to run away because he did not have a family of his own. He didn't want to be alone and he was probably jealous your mother had us and love."
"That makes sense"
I took two cups, filling both, and walking back to sit on the seat opposite my gran who also looked better than she had at the beginning of the story. I wondered whether it was appropriate to categorize it as a story, probably not. But I felt that I shouldn't allow my parents past or their choices to dictate who I was or make my decisions based on theirs.
I was my own person. I was going to make my decision based on who I was.
Over the past one hour or so, each time my grandmother revealed something about my mother or father, I promised to focus on anything I thought might help me to remain unaffected by Raphael's decision, not to worry or imagine or care what his reaction would be to all these or how it might affect our relationship.
But I couldn't forget him saying his own father was worse than both of my parents put together.
That, and the fact that he might already know the worst about my parents gave me hope. Hope that he will still love me the same.
"You're better than your parents. You're not selfish, you always think of others and your love for those around you is unmatched. I wish your grandfather could have met you"
