Servamp: Betrayal and Forgiveness

Chapter 14

  Of course,to avoid much detection and to keep up that happy façade of his,or rather,the shocked façade of his that he was showing to the rest, he muttered that sentence beneath his breath.

But seriously,he was a bit shocked and appalled at how easily Sleepy Ash's name rolled off his tongue, as if it was homely to him.

And it disgusted him.

The name that belonged to the person that betrayed him,left him alone,made him suffer,even though he had treated him with the utmost care and hospitality, felt homely to him.

Disgusting,the voice,or conscience in his mind, repeated over and over again,taunting him.

Sleepy Ash continued to stare at Mahiru for awhile, and Mahiru could obviously see that,in spite of his reputation of having the ability to bottle up his emotions well and as being the oldest and preserved Servamp,his lips were quivering.

  We don't count Jeje in that list,okay?

  Hell,that guy wears three paper bags just to hide his damn face,oh my god—

  Anyways.

It was as if Sleepy Ash wanted to say something,but was a child and wanted to know if he had the authority and permission to.

And deep down Mahiru's heart that existed somewhere beneath that playful surface,a piece of it shattered,even if that piece was the size of a shattered piece of glass.

  See what I did there?

Sleepy Ash couldn't help a stutter as he mentioned Mahiru's name,as if it was sacred and he didn't even have the right to utter it,"M-Mahi..ru.."

Hell,he spoke like a random toddler that has just been introduced with the alphabet and is mimicking the mother's,or father's or whatever's words, saying one syllabus at a time.

And god,did Mahiru's chest feel extremely tight and heavy and is about to explode,just from hearing how choked out the way Sleepy Ash said it—

No.

He shouldn't be feeling that.

He shouldn't be feeling guilty,remorseful, resentful, sad; he shouldn't be feeling all of these feelings right now that were caused by how choked and sad Sleepy Ash was looking.

  Touma said that it was a weakness,didn't he?

Sleepy Ash had killed off his hopes,his dreams,his trust, his true feelings,and his right state of mind that told him that killing subclasses should be wrong,and not right.

Sleepy Ash had killed him.

So why should he feel empathetic to his own damn killer?

  But he also had to blame himself as he did something that resulted in this mess; he trusted too well and too much.

  So it's obvious that his actions would come back to bite him in the ass,yet he was too damn pure at that time; too innocent,too cheerful,too trusting, too friendly.

Mahiru had spent 2 years for Christ's sake, layering wall after wall over his feeble,too trusting, fragile and simple heart that seemed to be broken by someone every time he trusted.

  First,it was his parents; they left him alone and made him grieve for god who knows how long and probably for all he's lived for.

  Then,Sakuya,who had lied to him the entire time and even fabricated memories just to try and become his friend;but he already fixed that when he helped him get away from Sleepy Ash.