Bred In Violence (A Mafia Romance Book One) #𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝟏

Chapter 64

My mother broke her parents heart when she was only sixteen and broke mine when I was barely eight. Both of my parents were a disappointment.

 I thought of the many times I had despised my mother, loathed my father, wished that I hadn't been born; that one time that I had felt brave enough to kill myself.

We sat in in silence, nana's eyes fixed at the cup in front of her, mine on her, feeling guilty and an overwhelming shame. 

I had never seen nana so sad like she was at the time, her eyes unfocused, her hands slightly shaking, her forehead perspiring and her eyes dry. Not a single tear in her eyes or wetness in them. She looked like she was trying really hard not to cry. 

"She did not talk to us for a while, every time we tried she would shrug and walk out. I didn't know what to do especially after she threatened to run away again and never come back"

What kind of a person does this to their parents? I thought. Narcissistic, cruel, self centered person! That's who.

Listening to my nana clinically talk about my mother, I wondered whether I had a similar gene. Will I wake up one day and decide to be a bitch to the people I loved?

I didn't think so,  but then again I was a product of two selfish people who cared about no-one else but themselves.

"What did you do?" I asked, running my hands through my face, exhausted already by the emotional roller-coaster that seemed to be endless.

"Fifteen moths later, at seventeen and three months, she filed for an emancipation"

"What?"

"Yes. That was your grandfather's breaking point, it's what eventually killed him. He never recovered from it"

I chocked loudly, unable to hold my tears anymore, crying until I started convulsing.

"It's Okay sweetheart" she soothed, her voice soft, breaking and I knew she was about to cry as well.

"I didn't cry. Not when she ran away at sixteen, or when she came back, not even after she walked out of home, not once did I break down. But when your father wrote that Celia had a daughter, I cried, I couldn't sleep that day, I felt like God was granting me another chance to be a mother"

"When was that?"

"Three days before you came to live with me?"

"You didn't know about me before that?"

She shook her head, solemn and almost tired.

"If I had known, I would have come for you sooner"

"Oh nana" I cried, going round to hug her.  She clasped me to her, holding me tight as we both cried in each others arms.

"She was cruel and I'm so sorry that you went through that, losing your daughter and husband almost at the same time"

"Don't cry" when whispered to my ears.

"Where is she now?"

Suddenly she stopped rubbing my back, her breath hitched as she kissed my forehead.

"Your father said she walked out on him and left you with him"

"Did she?"

"I don't know child, your father is a liar and your mother was unstable, I'm not sure. I wish I could give you a definitive answer but I can't. I hired a PI to find her but he was unsuccessful."

"My mother never told you about me?"

"No. She didn't"   she paused for a heartbeat, then she said "I don't think I'll ever forgive her for that. She was horrible for that one year after she came back, horrible and cruel sometimes I wanted to hit her so bad but your grandfather couldn't hear of it. But nothing hurt me the most than knowing she'd hidden my granddaughter from me, out of spite. Spite, that I never really understood"