is this a dream? (fifth harmony)

twenty seven | i'm fucked up

DINAH'S POV:

After I talked with Lauren, I felt more comfortable with my feelings towards Victoria. I walked into the bunk area and quickly headed to my bunk and grabbed some snacks I saved for Victoria and I. I started gathering up the food until I heard small sniffles coming from under my bunk.

And my mind quickly went to one person.

Victoria.

I dropped all the snacks back onto my bed and bobbed down so I could be at her bunk level.

"Victoria." I said as I pulled her bunk curtain back. The sight I saw infringe of me was one word.

Heartbreaking.

Victoria was huddled up with her knees tucked into her chest and her arms wrapped around them. She was shaking slightly with tear stained cheeks.

"Victoria, baby what's wrong? Did something happen?" I said as I got into her bunk grabbing her and putting her in between my legs so I could hold her completely.

"Shhhh baby I'm here." It was like my words had no effect on her. Nothing. She just continued crying and the shaking was getting worse.

She was having a panic attack.

I took her face into my hands and caressed her cheeks.

"Victoria baby, you need to listen to me. Follow my breathing." I said while taking deep breaths.

She started to follow my breathing, which sent a wash of relief over me. It took her a while to calm down completely but she got there eventually.

Once her breathing felt normal again I took her head out of the crook of my neck and held her face in my hands.

"Please Victoria, what happened?" I said wanting her to open up to me. But she shook her head.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine now." She said cracking a fake smile. I just caught her bawling her eyes out, then she had a panic attack on my lap and it took her half an hour to straighten out her breathing.

I'm fine my ass.

"Please baby, what happened? I want you to tell me, you can trust me, ya know?" I said looking at her while grabbing her hand to give it a tight squeeze.

"Yeah I know, it's not that I don't trust you."

"Then what is the prob-."

"I broke our promise."

I looked at her puzzled for a while. Promise? We've made a lot of promised, but the- oh that promise.

"Victoria, please tell me you are joking." I said I'm all seriousness.

"Because if you ar-."

"I'm not joking Dinah." She said looking up at me. Her eyes starting to well up with tears.

"Victoria. Roll up your sleeves. Now." And for the first time, she didn't argue.

She rolled up her sleeves and wow. The amount of cuts and scars that where on her arms shouldn't even be allowed in general.

I saw all the fresh ones that had dried up blood still there. But one particular scar stood out to me. It wasn't new, but it wasn't old either.

It was in medium sized writing across her inner elbow. The word

W O R T H L E S S

Was there, and trust me, it fucking hurt to see that she had put that on herself.

"Victoria." I said while tracing the scar. "Why would you put this on yourself?" I asked concern the only thing evident in my voice.

"Well, because I heard you and the girls talking about how you are planning on introducing me to the fans soon, and I already know they won't like me, so I thought I should start off by calling myself worthless first." She said lifting her eyes to meet mine.

"Baby, why would they call you worthless?" I asked as I pulled her closer to me. She tried to tuck her head away, but I grabbed her head before she could and I looked her straight in the eye.

A tear rolled down her cheek. And I finally understood.

"Because you think your worthless Victoria, don't you?" I said my voice cracking as I try to keep my tears at bay.

Another tear fell down her face, and another and soon she was full on crying again.

"I'm fucked up Dinah, so fucked up, in so many ways." I looked at her.

She looked so broken, so upset, so defeated.

"Victoria, you are not fucked up and if those words eve-."

"You don't get it do you Dinah! I have never fucking been loved, I barely remember my parents, I got raped for the fucking hundredth time by Mr Cot-."

I think my jaw just fell off, hang on, did she just admit this wasn't the first time?

"Wha, what?" I said stunned. Shock written all over her face. I can't believe the information the she had just released.

"Nothing, don't worry about it."

"Tori." I warned.

"Please, can we just drop this." She said in desperation.

"Fine, but we." I said pointing between the two of us.

"Still have more to talk about."

She huffed, rolled her eyes and turned to face the wall of the bunk. Leaving me just to stare at her back.

And her beautiful, beautiful ass.

"It's rude to stare. Did your parents never tell you that?" She said unenthusiastically.

I just mumbled under my breath and got under the covers. I got closer to her until my front was right up against her back. And I spooned her from behind. Keeping us warm, and protecting her with my life.

She turned around and nuzzled into me. I couldn't help but awe at her adorable actions. And all I could think of was.

She'll be mine soon.

-happy birthday lolo ur 22! i love chu-
-also not proofread lmao sorry-