Second Chance

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"You're hungry?" I asked when we'd finally stopped to take a rest underneath one of a shady tree in the jungle. Glancing at me shortly, Cole then shaking his head a little. "...thirsty?" I proceed. For sure, he probably was. The weather was too hot after all.

"A little..." he replied softly. He was sitting a few feet away from me with his knees pressed against his chest as he stared blankly at a small rock on the ground. I wondered what he was thinking though? "...I'm tired. I just want to go home".

And upon hearing that, I let out a heavy sigh.

For the past few hours, Cole had been bugging me by telling me the same thing --- over and over again. I don't even know what should I do to make him calm down though. He told me that he missed home, despite we'd only left like four hours ago. He never complain if he was hungry or thirsty or tired, but whenever he opened his mouth to speak, he would only told me that; "I want to go home".

"You'll like it here..." I paused. I meant, it's not like I'm planning to live here up on the hill. Forever. The only reason why we're here was just because I needed to cure Cole. How long we would stay, I don't even know. But first, for sure, I had to make him like it here. I needed to make him forget about home, for a while. Just for a while so the curing process wouldn't be interrupted. We needed time. "...I mean, we will live in a forest up on the hill. We'll build a small hut together. We'll going to get fresh air. Fresh fruits. And plus, you'll like the view from the top too. It's fascinating, I promise you..." I added as I tried to wrap my hand around his shoulder. However, just like expected, he shifted further away --- making it impossible for my hand to reach him with the great distance he'd set between the both of us.

"And what's the point of bringing me here? The village where we live in is just great. Sure, no top view or whatsoever. But I like it there. I like it because I have my parents there, and home. My siblings. Friends..." he said. His eyebrows scrunched up as he turned to look at me deeply. "...you already ruin my life, Kyle. I don't even understand why I agree to go with you in the first place. This is so fuck up. I feel really, really stu---".

"You're not, Cole".

"I am. I feel so stupid for agreeing to go with you here. I feel so stupid for believing you in the first place. I feel so stupid for not asking any details about our so-called-honeymoon. I feel so stupid to even think that perhaps, you've really change after you'd save me from killing myself yesterday. I feel so---".

"You're not what of everything you'd told me, Cole. You're not at all..." I quickly interjected. I saw that he'd already shed a tear as he turned away from me. "...I promise you that this is the first step I've take to fix us. Our relationship that I'd broke. To fix you. To fix everything. I promise you..." I said as I helplessly grabbed his hand and clenched it tightly into mine. "...you have to believe me this time, Cole. I will try to give you back what I'd steal from you. Your happiness. Your life. Your smile. Your baby. Everything..." I added. I'd saw he was flinching a little when I mentioned the word 'baby', which probably had triggered him so much. "...I'm sorry".

Then, pushing my hand softly away, he replied in a soft voice; "Leave me alone. I don't want to talk with you".

I refused. Instead, I stayed where I was. I didn't even made any gesture to do what he had told me.

"You have to believe me, Cole..." I whispered. "...please, just this time. Have faith on me. On us. That I'll give you back everything I'd took from you. Just give me a chance, please..." I added as he stood up. He didn't even spare any glances at me. He tried to ignore me. Yes. He tried to ignore me. "...please listen to me, Cole".

"How?" I then heard him asked in a shaky tone. He wiped the tears on his face as he added; "...how to believe you after what you'd done to me? How to have faith on us when you're the only one who keep breaking it? And how to fix everything --- like what you had told me --- when it is already too late?" he paused as he harshly grabbed my hand and later put it on top of his flat stomach. "...you killed someone that mean everything to me. You killed my happiness. You killed something that make me smile like I'd always used to before we're mated. You broke me in every way you'll never imagine. You take something so precious from me. How you're going to fix that, Kyle? How?" he asked, crying. "...and what more frustrating was, it's the fact that I will never have the chance to have a baby anymore. I will never, and that is your fault".

And upon hearing that, I broke down into tears. It felt like I'd just woke up from a nightmare when I was a lot younger. I felt so hopeless, so fucked up, that when Cole said all those things to me --- I felt like I wanted to vanish from this world. I knew I don't even deserve a second chance, but what did I do? I asked it. I asked for it like what I'd done to Cole wasn't anything big of a deal.

"I'm so sorry".

"Sorry will never fix everything..." Cole then coldly replied. His voice was still wavering, but his words were colder. Firmer. Like the soft and weak Cole had been long gone and only to be replaced with someone heartless. "...sorry will never fix everything".

"Please give me a chance to prove that I'm really serious about us this time, Cole. Please. I'm begging you..." I said with tears now staining my cheeks. And, when Cole turned away from me, I quickly got on my knees and desperately grabbed his ankles with both of my hands. "...please, please, please..." I said. Ignoring my dignity, I then shamelessly pressed my forehead on the back of his calves. Anything. Just to make him stay. "...please hear me out this time, Cole. Please".

I then heard him sighed. Heavily.

"Take me home".

"I wouldn't..." I quickly replied. I looked up at him before I stood up and turned him around so he was facing me. "...do you remember Grandma Nina?" I whispered. I'd saw the obvious surprise on his face when I mentioned his grandma's name. "...she told me something this river where it can cure you. That's why I'm bringing you here, Cole. I want to cure you. I want to fix our relationship. Just please give me a chance. We can do this".

"When did she met you?" he asked.

"Yesterday, when you were sleeping. She told me that there was a magical river up there on the hill that probably can cure you so you can get pregnant again..." I stated as I looked straight into his eyes.

Then, he suddenly snickered. But just for a while.

"That's stupid".

"I know, but we can try...". Looking down at his feet, he then silent for a while. "...at least we try. Please".

And, without saying anything further, he then turned away from me.

"I'll try..." he said. "...I'll try..." he kept chanting. "...you don't deserve a second chance but, I'll try to give it to you..." he whispered under his breath.

"Thank you".

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