Through The Dark COMPLETED

Chapter 43

"Baby, can you come here please?" Harry asked later that night. He was sitting in bed writing, well trying. He really was watching Julie, who was trying to pretend that she was reading her book on the floor by the fireplace. She wasn't doing a very good job of it. She wasn't even turning pages.

Julie took a deep breath and slowly closed the book. She slowly got up and put the book back in her bag. She walked over to the bed and sat down. "Hi." She said quietly.

"Hi." He said. He put his pen in his book and put it aside. He carefully took her in his arms and pulled her back against his chest. He kissed her head. "Think you can talk to me now?"

"I don't know, Harry." She said playing with his hands in front of her. "There's so much running through my head right now."

"That's why I'm here, baby. Well, you know what I mean. I'm here for you, all of you. Talk it out." He said as he nuzzled his face in her hair by her neck.

"I'm just trying; I don't know, I guess to process how scary this is. I mean, I don't think I would like all the pictures and the posts anyway, but to know that one post, one picture, one person posting where we are can completely change everything, it really scares me." She sat up and turned and looked at him taking his hands. "I have you here now. And I feel safe and comfortable with that. As much as I can." She took one hand and wiped the stray tears falling from her eyes onto her cheeks. "But then you leave, and we go back home. And I know I'm not alone. I know I have Amanda. But you've seen Johnny; he's not small. And Amanda is tough, but she can't protect me. And I don't want her hurt. And when someone sees me and says that's the girl that was with Harry, and they post 'I just saw her at this store in LA or at the hospital', and he finds out. No restraining order is going to stop him." She wiped at her tears again. "And I kept pushing it away. I kept trying to forget about it. But I can't."

Harry sniffled and wiped a tear from his cheek. He couldn't stand the tears and emotions he could hear in her voice. He could almost feel the emotion. Feel the fear. "Julie, I don't know what to say."

"I know, Harry." She took a shaky breath. "Leave it to me to fall in love with a super megastar musician, instead of the baker around the corner. That small group of girls scared me. I don't know how to make it not scare me. I don't know how to face Johnny and get over my fear. I don't know how to do anything. And I hate that."

He took his thumb and wiped her cheek, holding her hands still with his other hand. "I can't make it go away,Julie. I can't take it all from you, or I would. Don't think I'm not going to worry when I leave. I will, every day. I just don't know what to do."

"Just be you. Be here when you can. Listen to me. And don't run away when I freak out. I don't know how you did what you did tonight. I don't know how you stopped me from panicking and from completely breaking down. But, you did. And part of me hates that you're leaving here and doing album promo and then shortly after that going a world away to start the tour. I do. I selfishly want you to be here to help me. But I need to do it on my own, too. I can't just count on you to shield me from it. Even though, right now that's all I want. I hate being conflicted about that. I'm so amazed by you, and your talent, and everything you do. How amazing you are and how important you are to millions of people. How you can make someone feel so good about themselves just by speaking to a camera, or giving them a hug. Or performing in front of them." She cleared her throat and took another deep shaky breath. "I'm proud I can call you my boyfriend."

"But me calling you my girlfriend causes you anxiety." He looked at her. He just realized how much that him being him affected her and her recovery. "And that's not good."

"Harry, I can't lie to you. Yeah, I mean if you weren't who you are, it probably would be a little easier. Especially for me, because there wouldn't be as much of a chance of Johnny finding me by people posting things." She got on her knees and took his face in her hands. "But I'm not willing to let you go just to make it easier. Promise me that you won't leave because you think it's easier for me."