Through The Dark COMPLETED

Chapter 35

Later that night Julie was finishing putting away all the groceries at Harry's house when Harry walked in. She was able to order everything online to be delivered; it made everything so much easier. Harry and Niall also had called and hired movers to move everything from their current apartment to the new apartment. She had to admit it was nice to not have to worry about so much. Niall and Amanda had just left to go get his place ready as guests were going to stay at both his and Harry's house during the holiday. She turned around, yawned and wrapped her arms around Harry's waist when he walked up to her.

"Tired?" He asked kissing her quickly on the lips.

"Yes, but I should start making some food for Thanksgiving. I don't think I can get it all done tomorrow. Although this kitchen might make it easier." She looked up at him. "You spent a lot of time with the movers."

"Yeah most things are moved. Rest will be finished up tomorrow. I have a question though." He took her hand and walked her to his living room where there was a box sitting by his couch. He sat her down and opened the box to reveal her notebooks. Lots of notebooks, every one of them looked exactly the same.

"Oh. So, you found the compartment in my headboard?" Julie said looking down at the notebooks.

"Yes, sneaky. I always thought you had the same notebook, but apparently, you've been doing this for a long time." He said looking at her.

"Did you read them?" She asked still staring at the books.

"No, I thought about it, but I figured since you're so secretive about it, I shouldn't. I would really like too though. How long have you been doing this?" He asked.

"For as long as I can remember." She said closing the box back up.

"Why are you so secretive about it?" He asked watching her take the box and putting it by the door.

"Harry, by now you should know everything is complicated." She said sitting back down next to him and laying her head on his shoulder.

He put his arm around her and automatically kissed her head. "I know, but this seems like such a big part of you. Of who you are and I really want to be a part of all of you."

She picked her head up, turned towards him and took his hands. "I will talk to you a little more about this after Thanksgiving. I promise. But I need this one thing Harry. It's the only thing I have left that's mine. I know that probably doesn't make much sense to you, but you and Panda have made me talk about everything, made me share everything. I feel completely exposed and that's extremely hard for me. I need to know I have at least one thing I still have for myself. One thing I know I always have and can always rely on."

"It makes sense to write things down, have private thoughts. I keep a journal also, separate from everything else. But this is more than that, isn't it? It's more creative than just thoughts, isn't it? I've felt it since you gave Amanda her birthday poem. I don't want you to feel that way though. I don't want you to think you have to hide something in order for it not to hurt you. I want you to believe that I would support and be proud of anything that you do." Harry said. "I'm not going to lie it kind of hurts you don't trust me. That you would think I wouldn't encourage it."

"It's not that Harry. It's so personal. No matter what format it's written in. It's everything, good and bad. I know I wrote the poem for Panda on her birthday, and shared it, but this is a lot more than that. It's not just random poems. This really isn't about you and I. I'm sorry, really, I am, but I just can't open that up. I just can't." She looked down at their hands. "I don't want to argue with you or cause any tension. We don't get much time together. But please, just don't push this right now. Please?"