Family of Hamilton-ON HIATUS

The hurting heart

A/N

TRIGGER WARNING!!!

We went into action as we moved into my bathroom careful to avoid the glass all over the floor. Papi was upstairs by the time we had made it to Skye. He took one look at the mess and said he's be right back.

"Don't touch me" Skye stammered. "I will get blood all over you guys! You shouldn't have found me, I should die and join my mama."

"Don't talk like that!" I snapped. "You have way too much to live for. I can't loose you from my life too."

Lin was back in a flash with a first aid kit and a broom. He made quick work of cleaning up the glass all over the floor. He then carried Skye to my bed where he began to tend to her wounds. He got a better look at her wrists and sighed "How long have you been doing this?"

"A few months" she whispered. "Ever since mama got sick I have been slitting my wrists so I could feel the pain she was feeling. I hid it from everyone by the clothes I wore and bandaids. Mama didn't even know."

"Why didn't you tell us? I would've dropped everything to be there for you" I said as I fought back tears.

"I didn't want to be selfish" she replied honestly. "You were going through so much already and I didn't want to add to it. I thought maybe when mama get over this hump I could stop or that treatment was done. It just never happened, she just kept going downhill and I was at a loss."

"We will help you get better" Katie said firmly. "We are your best friends and that's what friends do. Maybe you could even talk to.."

"NO" she said firmly. "You told me how your mom feels about lesbians and I just can't deal with her judging me while trying to help me. Why not just keep it between the four of us for now" I said looking at Lin.

Lin sighed "I will support your decision but if things don't change I will have to step in. I don't want you to think your in this alone. Chris is going to do everything he can to help you as well. Let him in okay?"

She smiled "I will, he's always been a great uncle to me. When no one else cared, he did. If it weren't for him I would be in the foster care system right now."

"I am very glad that your not" I said hugging her gently. We continued to talk for a long time just holding each other and being what friends should always be, compassionate.

The very next day was probably the hardest day I had to face in a very long time. After Chris picked up Skye and Katie went home I was left alone with my thoughts. Last night going into that hospital had made all the bad memories flood back and I wanted to bury them again. I tried writing in my diary, exercising, and listening to music but nothing helped.

"Papi are you in here?" I asked knocking softly on his office door. Because of the death in the Hamilton extended family the cast was taking off today. When he said yes I entered his office "Can we talk?"

"Sure what's on your mind kiddo?" He asked as I sat down across from him at his desk. I could tell he had been working on Moana stuff as his laptop was open.

"I'm not bothering you right?" I asked watching him carefully. When he shook his head I felt much better. "You know what today is right?"

He sighed "I was hoping you'd forget about it. This year has flown by so quickly and your happy now. Don't let those bad memories drag you down."

"It's hard though Papi" I sighed. "Being back in that hospital last night brought it all flooding back. I thought I was much better but it all came crashing down."

Lin pulled me over to sit with him. He hugged me tightly "It's okay to breakdown sometimes. You've been through so much and come out much stronger. You survived that car crash for a reason, and now your on your own two feet. Life isn't done with you yet, just like it's not done with me. We have so much to live for and letting the bad of the past weigh us down."

"Thanks Papi I really needed to hear that" I said hugging him back. "You know just how to make me feel better. Can we go do something as a family tonight since you don't have a show? Maybe go to the park so Sebastian and Tobi can play and then maybe eat at one of the park vendors?"

"I think that's a great idea" he said grinning. "Your Mami will be home around 4 so we can head to the park then. How about we go watch trains with Sebastian as I think he's up" he chuckled.

"I would love that" I said smiling, this was truly what I had needed on this day.

A/N

Next up is another Diary/full chapter as we get ready for Bam4Ham LOL That is going to be one heck of a ride trying to write that out but I am going to do it! It may encompass at least two chapters though LOL That is my goal is to get at least the lead in chapter up tomorrow.