Dear Grayson | g.d

35

I stumbled out of the truck & shoved the keys into my pocket. Valentine's Day decorations were all around me, ironic how I decided to search for Grayson the day of Valentine's Day. The drive took around 12 hours, I only stopped to sleep for three hours before I began driving again, so I was sure I looked like a ghost. The guests were giving me strange glances, most of them actually trying to avoid eye contact with me. I noticed one of the security guards not-so-slickly following me, but so many thoughts were running through my mind so quickly that I was too busy to care.

I wasn't sure what I would say to Grayson when I saw him, I wasn't even sure if I would find him. A large group of girls & photographers caught my attention. They were all huddled around the stairs with security  blocking anyone from going up. As I was approaching the group of girls & photographers, my ears were flooded with screams & my eyes were blinded by flashing lights. A tall figure with a hoodie over his head began making his  way down the stairs. Only a few feet behind the group of girls & photographers, I could see Grayson perfectly, but I doubted he could see me with all the bright lights. The paparazzi began to ask him questions, most of which I couldn't understand because of the girls non stop "can we get a picture?"

Grayson began talking but I was only able to understand small parts of it, "...going for a walk... Still gonna come to the banquet tonight... Thanks for the questions boys." The paparazzi cleared out & some gave me strange glances as they passed by me, some shoved by me but I couldn't blame them.

I was pretty invisible.

Soon Grayson was swarmed by the group of girls as phones were shoved in his face from all directions. I remained in the back, watching the way he forced a smile on his lips as he conversed with some of the girls. I don't think he didn't enjoy their company, I think he just really needed that walk he was talking about. More & more girls began to leave, making me more visible & my anxiety heighten. I stayed where I was, too nervous to face him after I basically ended our friendship, according to Grayson.

Once his eyes caught mine that fake smile slipped away in half a second. The girls were all gone & it was just me & him, with a few hotel guests here & there. His eyes roamed all over me, head to toe, agonizingly slow. He began walking towards me & my heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. Once our faces were inches apart, the reality of what I had just done finally hit me. This was a bad idea Linoy! I turned on my heel & sprinted towards the door, while also trying to keep my balance. It didn't take long for an arm to wrap themselves around my waist & pull me backwards, resulting in my back colliding with their chest. I was turned around to see Grayson standing in front of me with a conflicted look on his face.

"H-hey." I breathed out.

"What are you doing here?" His eyes flickered between mine, looking for an answer.

"I missed my best friend." A bitter chuckle escaped his lips as he let go of me.

"Took you a month to realize our friendship wasn't just a nothing?"

"No, it took me a month to finally get my feelings & thoughts together."

I did my best to ignore the way Grayson's eyes glance down to my lips before meeting my eyes again. "And what are those feelings?"

"They're feelings of misery because I realized that i need you in my life." I was engulfed in a hug & I felt all of the pain from last month diminish. I grew self conscious once Grayson's hands landed on my waist. I drew myself back when his hands started to dig a little too deep into my waist. His face was a mix of confusion & slight hurt.

"You look, different Lin." His eyes roamed from my cheek bones to my waist. I crossed my arms over myself as I looked awkwardly to the floor. Grayson's index finger lifted my chin so we could meet eye to eye.

"What's wrong Lin? You seem different." The voices are getting louder & louder & its driving me insane. I wanted to scream it at him until I realized that no one cold understand, so instead I said, "I just really missed having my best friends snarky comments & sarcasm." I said referring to our last text message.

Grayson playfully rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he led us outside the hotel doors, the cold wind smacking me in the face. I suddenly remembered that it was Valentine's Day. What if he & Elle planned something? I didn't want to be a home wrecker again. I stopped walking so we were facing each other, "did you & Elle have anything planned? I shouldn't have just shown up like this I can-" I was shushed by Grayson's finger pressing against my lips.

"She didn't come, just you & me for the night." I smiled & we continued to walk down the streets of New York City.

___

It was taking everything in me not to collapse in the middle of Central Park. We've been walking around aimlessly for about two hours & I was basically clinging to Grayson. The loud ringing in my head overlapped Grayson's chatter, so at this point I was just nodding & murmuring yes'. The world around me was becoming so blurry that I was depending on Grayson to make sure we didn't end up walking into a pole.

Eventually I couldn't keep my weight up any longer, & I went limp. The concretes cold feeling ran all over my back as I felt Grayson hand holding my head up. Grayson's voice was becoming further & further away, until my whole world went black.