Mistakes - Matthew Daddario (completed)

T h i r t y E i g h t

"I'm just scared, I don't want to be left broken again, I'm afraid to be hurt again," Matt frowned, switching the phone between his hands. He'd called me a mere few seconds after I told him to and we'd now been talking about us and what we were and wanted to be for almost forty minutes.

"And you think I'd do that to you Matt?" I raised an eyebrow, challenging his internal and external thoughts.

"No I don't, I don't mean it like that-"

"Babe, it's okay. I understand, I've been there you know? My last relationship was an absolute train wreck and I was left mentally and physically scarred at the end,"

"Physically?" Matt asked, sitting up, putting another earbud in as the noise in the room increased, I'm assuming one of the guys had arrived back at their room.

"He was abusive, not to begin with but over time he was and as time passed he became more and more aggressive and with that came mental and physical abuse," I sighed, "Heightened levels of manipulation and control,"

"Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't know, if I could kill him I fucking would I'm telling you," Matt frowned, clearly distressed to hear these things I'd never spoken about with him before.

"It's okay, I'm passed it but it's made it hard to trust or believe in love ever since," I sighed, crawling into bed, laying down on my back, arms raised with my phone still in my hands.

Matt mirrored my actions, his face filled with obvious concern as I spoke about bad experiences with guys, "Ell, you know I'd never do that to you right?" He spoke slowly, ensuring that I was listening to each and every word, digesting everything he said.

"I know, of course I know that, you're different to him, you're different to all the guys I've dated,"

"How many have you dated? If you don't mind me asking?"

"Apart from the asshole?" He nodded and I sighed, "Just two others, one when I were eighteen and the other when I were twenty one, they were nothing serious, like a couple of months long. They were jerks," I screwed my nose up with disgust.

"Fuck boy jerks?"

"Yeah, both left me and went off with some other sleaze. Found out afterwards they had both been off sleeping with other girls the entire time and just wanted another lay over,"

"Wait, did you? Have sex with them?" Matts eyes shot open and I sighed, "Not the first guy, but the second I did. I hate myself for giving my body to him, he got exactly what he wanted from the relationship and it wasn't even a serious one,"

"So you've only dated three guys?"

"It's kind of pathetic isn't it?" I frowned, "First guy was a fuckboy, second was a fuckboy and I gave in and gave him my virginity and the third was a manipulative bully when I were 23 and he got whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it," I shrugged, not bothered talking about it anymore but wanting Matt to understand that I understood fear and lack of trust.

"It's not pathetic baby, if it makes you feel better I've only dated three women in my life. The first was in high school, I was eighteen maybe nineteen. She moved away and we had to break up, we only dated for a few months. The second was when I was twenty four, that ended because we simply changed into two completely different people and we grew apart and my last relationship ended because she cheated on me, that was when I were twenty six. That's the one that destroyed my faith in love,"

"We kinda suck at the dating game huh?" I yawned, smiling slightly as Matt chuckled.

"Yeah... or maybe we just suck at finding the right person to be with," he smiled, his teeth all showing. It was a truly beautiful sight.

"Maybe yeah, we don't realise a great thing until it's right in front of us," my voice quietening slowly until we fell into a comfortable silence, just watching each other.

I yawned, failing to hide it causing Matt to laugh again, turning on his side, "You're tired baby, you should go to sleep,"

"But I wanna keep talking to you, I missed you," I yawned, laying on my side.

"I'll stay here, we can stay on the call and keep talking until one of us falls asleep then ok?" Matt asked, yawning himself.

"I'll say goodnight now then, I know I'll fall asleep first," I giggled, flipping the main lights off beside me, the only light being that from my phone.

"Okay, goodnight Ellena," he smiled, his lights switching off too, "I miss you too by the way,"

"Goodnight Matty," I smiled, feeling myself drifting off, "Of course you do, I'm fabulous," I yawned again.

"That you are," he laughed, "I love you Ellena,

My breathing hitched but I answered back without hesitation, "I love you too Matty,"