Falling for her/him

Chapter 48

Amanda's POV

After the show  I walk to my dressing room quickly and quietly. Once in the room I shut the door and collapse on the couch in fear. I begin to cry and almost scream but decide not to because I don't want to be bothered by anyone. I curl up in a ball and eventually cry myself to sleep. 

-1 Hour Later-

I wake up to a room I don't recognize. I slowly sit up and realize it's dark out. I look at the time and it's 11pm. I hear a groan and look over beside me to see Simon. He stirs in his sleep a bit and then stays still. I slowly get up out of bed and walk to what I remember being Eric's room. I walk in and there's my baby boy peacefully sleeping. I tip toe to his bed and knell beside him pushing his hair back.

"You look so much like your daddy." I whisper. "I love you." I say and kiss his forehead. I then walk to A.J.'s room and look in the crib. She's gotten so big since I've seen her. She looks a lot like me with the blonde hair. I reach my hand down in the crib and rub her back. I tip toe back out and into Simon's room. I slide into the bed and kiss his cheek before laying back down.

"I love you Si." I whisper.

"I love you too Mandy." He mumbles. I jump at first but then see he's awake. He opens his eyes and wraps one arm around my waist. I lean down and kiss his jaw and then his neck and back to the corner of his mouth. He cracks a smile and kisses my mouth gently. Slowly, he lays me down and puts his arms on either side of me. My hand finds it's way up his shirt and soon what was a soft kiss turns into a rougher make-out session. I feel him against my leg and I have a flashback of the night I was raped. I push him away and yelp.

"Amanda, what's wrong?" He asks.

"I had a flashback." I say cowering to him.

He wraps his arms around me and lays a kiss on my neck. "It's okay I've got you." He whispers, rocking me back and forth.

"This is what I'm talking about Si. I can't even seem to provide you sexual needs because I'm to messed up." I say fumbling my fingers.

"It's not a need love. Just a desire to have you. I'll wait as long as you have me to wait." He says in my ear. I nod and he lays back with me laying on top of him. I wrap my arms around his waist and listen to his heart beat slow down to a normal pace. He kisses the top of my head and then lets out a heavy sigh.

"You know when you left?" He asks.

"Yeah." I whisper.

"I cried for multiple days. Praying you would come back. Did you ever see another guy?" He says.

"No." I mumble. "I just hurt myself every chance I got. A lot of times passing out from blood loss. I was in and out of the hospital and always at home." I finish. 

His grip tightens around me and I hear him sniffle. "I'm sorry." He says, I can hear the tears in his voice.

"Why?" I ask looking up at his now red face.

"If I would've held on just a bit tighter and done something different we would have already been married. You wouldn't have suffered like you did and still are." He sits up and throws his legs over the edge of the bed. "I shouldn't have answered the door." He whispers and cries into his hands. I slide off his lap and stand in between his legs.

"Simon, don't blame yourself. It was bound to happen eventually."  I say putting his face in my hands. I kiss his forehead then his nose and the tears on his face.

"I'm the one supposed to be kissing your tears away." He says wrapping his hands as far as they can go on my hips.

"Well, we switched spots and I'm kissing your tears away." I whisper with a smile.

I kiss his cheek and then tackle him down on the bed and kiss his lips softly. Soon enough we both fall asleep in each others arms and for the first time in 1 year I'm actually happy.