But, I love you.

Part 40

Tomatoes...

How? I start crying. Without thinking my feet start moving. 

Mean words keep filling my ears. I run without looking back. I hear people screaming my name.

My mind feels empty, but at the same time I hear all those words over again in my head.

I see the tomatoes coming to me again. I wish this was just a bad dream, a nightmare.

I look up, the first time this traject, to see the hotel coming closer.

"Almost there, almost there" I think.

I don't remember how long I walked from the hotel to starbucks, but this time it felt like hours.

I can't describe the feeling I'm feeling. Worthless, miserable, stupid, embarassed,...

Why do they hate me? What have I done wrong? 

I'm just in love with someone. I love someone with my whole heart and I would do everything for him.

Is that a reason to be hated for? Is that a crime?

Or the way I look. I can't help it, I didn't make myself. I can't help I'm not a beauty queen like the other girlfriends. And I'm not skinny but is that a reason to hate someone?

You can't just hate someone because they were born this way, right? 

People are hating without know what kind of person I am.

Sigh.

I finally arrive at the hotel. I walk to the lobby and ask my card.

The girl looks at me in disgust. I understand she does. My clothes are red, looks like my whole body had their period. My hair is wet and my mascara must be all over my face.

"Are you alright?" She asks in a -suprisingly- sweet voice.

"I'm fine." I manage to smile to her and walk to the elevator.

Tiiiing.

The elevator opens his doors. Instead of walking in I keep standing in front of the elevator.

My eyes locked on the mirror.

The girl in front of me looks terrible. I look like a character from a horrormovie.

The doors closes again. I quickly try to open the door again. They open and I step in the elevator.

"Fuck fuck fuck." I whisper.

Did the whole world see me like this? This will follow me for the rest of my life.

Is this all worth it?

The doors open again and I walk as fast as I can to my room.

I swing the door open and take all my clothes off.

I jump in the shower. The water at my feet are red. I start crying again.

I wash my hair over and over again. After the 6th time it looks like the red color is gone.

I get out and start putting my  PJ's on. It's around 4pm but I feel like I'm awake for ages.

I see my phone laying on the bed. I check my messages: 5.

From: Harry

"Goodmorning love, when are you coming over to the arena? Have fun today. Xx"

From: Harry

"Love, are you okay? You didn't answered my text. Let me know. Xx"

From: Harry

"I have to lay my phone away for the soundcheck.. I hope you'll answer soon. You must forgotten

your phone at the hotel..Xx"

From: Unknown

"Hey (Y/N), It's Adam here. Now you've my number."

From: Unknown

"Where are you? I ran after you but I was mobbed by teenage girls. Are you okay? -A. X"

To: Harry

"Ehm I don't think I'll come over tonight. Don't feel well."

To Adam

"I'm at my hotel. I'll call you soon. Sorry..."

I throw my phone away and get in bed,

Hoping I won't ever wake up again in this terrible world.