She Stayed | ACM |

48.

Posted: May. 7, 2016

For some reason I couldn't sleep without writing this.

48. Rowan

3 days, 3 whole days, 72 hours, 4320 minutes, 259200 seconds, all without sleep, all without Austin.

There has yet to be a moment that he wasn't on my mind, and it kept me awake at night, it kept the sobs from stopping, it kept me from doing the things I should be doing. I can no longer function, being without him for these three days has made me wonder how I have gone 22 years without him.

I know that sooner or later I'd have to face him, I mean he has 75% of my things at his house and I know Rosa wouldn't go and get it for me. Deciding it's best if I do now, because if I don't I know I never will, I climb out of bed and call Charlie to take me to Austin's.

"Sorry to call you, I know it's a little weird" I bite my lip as he knocks on my door.

"It's alright, I had a plan to check up on you. Seeing Austin's state I couldn't imagine yours" He smiles sympathetically.

"Is he alright?" I ask, worry lacing my words.

"He won't talk to me" He sighs "I've tried to get him to talk to me, but nothing happens" He shrugs, opening the passenger door for me. I climb in as he walks around to the other side, climbing into the drivers seat and driving me to Austin's penthouse.

"Call me when you want to be picked up, Austin should be at work" Charlie tells me, handing me a key.

"Thank you, I'll see you later" I mumble, walking into the building. I take the elevator to the top floor, my palms sweating in nervousness at the thought of facing Austin. When I reach the door, thousands of memories hit me at once, millions of emotions flooding through me. I place the key inside of the door handle and unlock the door, pushing open the door.

When I walk in I see boxes piled on top of each other, and I maneuver around them to Austin's room, but stop in my tracks as the bathroom door opens "Rowan?" Austin croaks and my heart stops. I turn around on my heels to face him, tears immediately welling up in my eyes at the tired look on his face. A frown is permanently plastered on his lips, dark purple bags rest under his eyes, very similar to mine, his eyes that were once a bright hazel are now a dull brown, bright red rings around them.

"Austin..." I trail off in a whisper.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, his voice raspy.

"I uh, my stuff" I stammer, looking down at the floor.

"Oh" He nods "How uh how are you?" He asks quietly, and I frown.

"Tired" I answer and he nods in agreement.

"Me too" He says, his eyes meeting mine "I'm tired of missing you, it's been three days and there hasn't been a second that I haven't thought about you"

"It's only been three days though" I sigh heavily.

"What can I do to make you stay?" He asks, his voice cracking "I don't want to be without you"

"I don't know" I shake my head.

"Will you stay with me? Even if it's just for today, I just need you right now" He asks, wiping under his eyes.

"Okay" I nod, and he sighs out in relief as I walk into his room, seeing it the same way it was before. He lays down in his bed and I reluctantly climb in beside him, keeping some distance.

"Can I hold you?" He mumbles, and I nod letting him wrap his arms around me, my head on his chest. I listen to the steady thump of his heart until I eventually fall asleep for the first time in three days. I wake back up 6 hours later, and I yawn. I feel much better physically after sleeping, but regret begins to sink in, but I don't know if it's because I'm staying with him, or if it's because I broke up with him.

"Why'd you break up with me?" Austin asks, his voice groggy.

"I don't like that you don't trust me enough to tell me things, I tell you everything but you don't tell me things. Like why did you get so upset about the whole Father's Day thing? I wouldn't of done it if I knew it'd make you upset, but apparently the fact that I did it makes me inconsiderate"

"You're not inconsiderate" He sighs.

"Then why didn't you tell Mack that? You didn't even defend me, I do something and you call the only person that wouldn't defend me if you started talking shit, you called the person that would talk shit with you" I rant, and Austin looks down at his hands.

"I'm sorry I didn't defend you, and I didn't call Mack because she wouldn't stop me if I started talking shit, I called her because she's the only person who knows why I got so upset"

"But you could've told me"

"It's not that easy, I can't just come out and tell you"

"I don't get why" I huff "You can't get mad at me for doing something that'd make you upset if I don't even know why you'd get so upset" I cross my arms over my chest "I don't know why I stayed here, I just came to get my stuff" I frown after a long silence.

"I can't have kids!" Austin blurts as I walk towards the closet, and I stop in my tracks turning on my heels.

"What?"

"That's why I was so upset, I want to be able to have kids someday, but I can't. I don't know why, but I've talked to so many doctors and they all say the same thing. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to leave me because there was a possibility I couldn't give you what you want. And seeing that card on Father's Day, I had hoped it was real, but finding out it was a joke, just hurt me. I don't blame you, I couldn't blame you because you didn't know. No one knows except Mack, my mom doesn't even know" Austin explains, a few tears slipping down his cheeks.

"You think I'd leave you for that?" I ask "I've told you time and time again you're all I want. I couldn't care less about having kids if it meant that I was with you. There's no one else I see myself with" I shake my head, wiping the tears from under his eyes.

"Can we stop being stupid?" He asks, and I shake my head.

"Our stupidity makes us work" I wrap my arms around his shoulders "I love you so much, nothing else in this world matters to me. No matter what, I'll always want you"

"I love you, Rowan" Austin wraps his arms around my waist "Can I kiss you now?"

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Awe yay!
I had this planned sort of, the break up wasn't planned but I think it tied in well. That's why it was on,y a three day break up rather than a month or whatever.
I love you all

Sincerely,

Bad_Boy_Hemmo