Tais-Toi

Chapter Two

The fourteenth of January isn't only the day my mother died, something else happened too, something that's much worse. Everyone has a lot of respect for me. They say it's obvious I'm 'daddy's little girl'. I can't go out on Friday night or come home late after school. And I have to send a text regularly to say that I'm okay and safe.

By now, I'm used to it. I'm seventeen, but I'm still 'daddy's little girl'. I get him, my dad. Studying in a normal school is very difficult for me and getting a job in the future will be even more difficult, maybe even impossible. People who don't know me sometimes say that I'm mentally disabled. I don't think that's right. I call it being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

It all began six years ago, on the fourteenth of January, when I was eleven. I went to Peony's house after school. Just a casual play date. The distance between the bus stop and my house, I had to do that on foot. Barely five minutes of walking. It was November, so it was dark even though it was only seven P.M.. The shortest way home was through a small alley between a few houses, but I didn't want to take that way because it was dark, no lights in that alley. So, I took the long way home.

A few streets before I arrived be home, someone grabbed me from behind. I was surprised, but I still managed to scream out every bit of air in my lungs. Unfortunately, nobody heard me. The man who held me tight tried to keep me quiet by putting his hand on my mouth. That didn't really work because I was resisting, moving, screaming, trying to get free. Until he put me on the ground with one simple move. He got ready for the surgery of his life.

He cut my throat open and he damaged my vocal cords permanently. He damaged them so terribly that I couldn't speak. Ever since that moment, I haven't been able to say a word. His last words in a strong Spanish accent I will remember my whole life long:

"Nobody can help you now! It's all your fault! And your mother's and your father's! Enjoy you last moments." Then, he took a picture and disappeared as quickly as he came. He was just gone. Disappeared in the dark night.

I closed my eyes and wished for a thousand times that the angels would take me to my mom soon. It was hurting everywhere. However, my plan was thwarted by an older man, walking his dog. He found me a few minutes after the man in black left. Minutes that felt like hours. The man instantly called an ambulance and I was brought to the hospital in critical condition. My trachea was severely damaged and even with a lot of surgeries, they couldn't save my vocal cords. It was already too late for that.

They kept telling me that I should be glad that I'm still alive and that it's a medical miracle I'm still alive, but honestly, I would have preferred to die. I didn't want to live without a voice. But since January fourteenth 2027, I have been mute. I can't speak. And never again I will talk.

The last sentences of the man that I gave the name Blacky kept reverberating for a very long time. What did I do? What did my mom or my dad do? Why did they do it? They were together for eight years. My dad was devastated when she died. He isn't capable of doing something bad.

Today, it has been exactly six years. Six years without a voice. How the hell did I do it? How did I manage to survive this? They always keep telling me at school that I'm a strong girl, but I've never believed it. They probably tell everyone that. However, thinking about it now... six years... Maybe I should start to believe it. They could be right.

They never caught the guy who did it. They did arrest someone once, but they had to release him because they didn't have enough evidence. And I couldn't help much with the investigation because I was in the hospital most of the time, with surgeries and traumas. And lost my voice. Plus, I could never recognise the man because I never even saw him clearly. He was wearing a black forage cap.

That's why they were never able to put him behind bars and to be honest, sometimes I'm still terrified. I never go outside when it's dark outside, except when there's someone who accompanies me. And now I'm unable to speak, it only became more dangerous. Screaming for help isn't quite an option anymore...

So, I had to find a new school. Going to a normal school without a voice, not possible anymore. I have to go to a special school. A school for children who are blind, deaf, mute or have other... deficiencies. It was there that I realised I should be glad that I'm not like most of them. I'm mute, I can still do something about it. I can use so many things to tell someone what I mean. If you're deaf, you can't hear. The end. If you're blind, you can't see. The end. You won't make it better by putting on glasses. Me, on the other hand, I can do sign language. And for that, I'm very thankful.

It was difficult in the beginning and I almost gave up. But it was the only way for me to communicate with other people. There was no other option. You can't live in China and never learn Chinese. Same here. So, I continued struggling until I wasn't struggling anymore. Now I can do sign language fluently. My dad and Gwendolyn learned it too, so we can understand each other properly.