Tais-Toi

Chapter Fourteen

Quickly, I sit up. I listen for a second time. And again, knocking. I throw away my bedsheets and I put my feet on the cold floor. I sigh and stand up. Calmly, I go to the door and open it. My dad is standing in the doorway and he looks very nervous, just as nervous as I felt when I saw his face. Without saying anything I look at him. I knew he would come one day, but I'm still surprised because it has only been one day. I put a step aside to tell him that he can come in. I can't just let him stand there... it doesn't matter how mad I am. He's my dad, whatever happened yesterday. It isn't a bond you can break that easily, whatever the fight was about. It's a fight like every other fight and you can talk it out, can't you? I close the door and sit down on my bed. My dad decides to stay where he is.

"I-I don't know what to say." I don't do anything. I just look at him, waiting for more information. He gives me a glance and sighs. "I know I was wrong and I know you must feel hurt right now. I didn't mean it." Oh really? I think, but I don't say anything. He looks at me again. "Okay, I'm sorry! I should have told you about your mother, but I did it to protect you! You shouldn't remember your mother as someone with guns and bombs and dangerous fights. She was a perfect mother and fiancé besides all of that."

She wasn't dangerous. I'll have to repeat it in my head so many times before I'll able to accept it. I've learned from the beginning that guns equals danger. CIA, mafia, you just link them to danger. And series on TV. Especially the series. I have to repeat it over and over again: she was good. She did it to protect and save people. She did it to protect One Direction.

I know... But I still don't understand why. Why didn't you just tell me sooner? Why didn't Gwen and I grow up with the truth? Why keep it a secret when you knew we would figure it out one day, when we would be older? Why tell Gwen and not me? I've been wondering for almost six years now why Blacky did those things to me! Now I can finally understand something more.

"I did it because I thought it would be better, safer. I promised your mother we would both tell it when you were eighteen. We didn't think you would figure it out sooner. I also never expected you would lose your voice in such a cruel way. And Gwendolyn found out herself when she was cleaning the attic. She found some old gadgets and clothes." And Gwen didn't think it was necessary to tell me while they knew that it would be so much worse if they didn't tell me anything. I just don't get it.