Heroes (A Carl Grimes fanfiction)

46-Deep Dark Talks

Elana's P.O.V.

"Elana if Dad catches us-" I Carl off.

"I do this all the time he won't!" I giggle at how paranoid he was. I was bringing him to the watch tower where I would usually go late at night.

We climbed up and I sat at the edge letting my feet fall. Carl sat besides me. "How often do you do this?" He asks.

I shrug "A lot." Carl nods "What did you do in there?" I ask. "In that cell."

Carl shrugs "I did some thinking, some reading because there was a stack of books in there, so I kinda did a lot of reading. I came across one it was like a bunch of health and doctor book crap, one said that says you can have strange things happen that make you think your crazy from losing a loved on..." (Don't know if that's true but go with it)

I nod "Your mom."

"Yeah, so they say you make up the things to get your mind off of the lost even if it's a bad thing." Carl looks at me.

"So it's just that, nothing's wrong?" I raise an eyebrow.

Carl nods "But I do find im pretty overprotective now. Like when I shot that boy....I think part of me did it because I knew he was the threat, and it made me so angry that he would or should I say they would work with such a terrible person to hurt us the good guys."

I shake my head with a small smile "But....what if we aren't the good guys, we just....think it. We've killed people, innocent people, we left people, innocent people when we knew we didn't have to..."

I look at Carl. "We're secretly all just shitty people no matter what, even when this world was okay it wasn't, people killing people for their things, robbing, name calling, bombing, bad mouthing, animal cruelty, rape, murder, partying twenty four seven, speeding tickets, arrestings, beatings... We're all shitty people some how, even the nicest people, they've said something wrong about a person before, some are just too afraid to admit it."

Carl shakes his head "Your not a shitty person."

I laugh "That's where your wrong, I've called lots of people lots of bad names when they didn't need to be called that, I've done some pretty screwed up things, judged people when they didn't need to be judged."

"Elana that doesn't make you a shitty person."

"It does when it's your sister, or your best friend, your mother, when it's your family." I nod "I'm such a shitty person I would call Sophia names all the time when I was mad at her, and now I don't even have the privilege to say her name and her answer me."

Carl sat their's in silence as I watch the walkers roam around. "I realized when you were gone, there was no need to cut because I thought I deserved pain.... My life was already full of shitty pain i didn't need to cut."

Carl sighs "Didn't know you thought all this."

I laugh "Of course you didn't, they had you locked away like an animal for almost a year how were you to know anything?"

Carl shakes his head again "You've changed in a lot of ways, you speak your mind more i think."

I shrug "I speak my mind to everyone now, if they want to hear it or not. Nothing scares me anymore."

I got up and started to climb down. Carl followed "But....are you happy? Or do you just pretend to be okay?"

I smile "What does it matter? If you think I'm happy then that's all that should matter."

Carl grabbed my wrist and pinned me against the wall. "It matters because I care."

I look at him with a smirk shrugging "Guess it's okay, I've gotten better for Mads."