Heroes (A Carl Grimes fanfiction)

Chapter35-Okay for a few minutes

Elana's P.O.V.

We made graves for Momma, Lori, and T-Dog. Im sitting next to moms grave while Carl is sitting next to Lori's. Madie was picks flowers for them. "Im the only one she has now." i say. Carl looks at me "Im her only family." i shake my head "Carl i don't know what to do! I still have questions about the world that my mom would have to answer in the future for me, how am i suppose to do this with Madie?I don't know how to raise a four year old al by myself! When we don't see Madie Mom is taking care of her., but now mom is gone. How do I do it?" I ask. Carl crawls over to me "Ill help you know that, so and will everyone else. Your not alone." Carl says as we both watch Madie pick flowers. "Dad hasn't even held the baby yet." Carl frowns "I don't know how to raise a baby Elana. How am I gonna do this?" Carl asks. I grab his hand and lace our fingers "If Im not alone your not alone. If your dad doesn't get his stuff together I promise ill help you raise her." I say. Carl smiles and kisses my lips. I kiss him back then pull away. I say "I love you." and Carl smiles "I love you too babygirl." Carl says. Madie comes running towards us with a bunch of tiny yellow flowers "I got some flowers for all of them." Madie says as she pushes her long brown hair out of her face. Madie started laying the flowers out on the grave. She had four left and handed two to me and two to Carl "I thought you would want to give flowers to them. Because by the way you talk Aunt Carol would be someone really important to you Carl and Lori is someone who is really important to you Nanny. Plus i thought you would want to give your mommys a flower." Madie explains. Me and Carl smile. I stand up and walk over to Lori's grave. I squat down infront of her grave "Lori was a very special person to me. She is a very strong independent, smart beautiful woman that I loved. I love her like a mother, and hope one day she can be my second mom like she wanted." i say. Carl smiles "Trust me she will." He says. I smile as Carl walks to my moms grave. "Carol meant a lot to me. She was a very nice strong caring woman, and I hope one day she can expect our two families being together because they definitely will be, and ill be proud to calm her apart of my new family." Carl says. I smile "She would be proud to call you her new family too." I tell him. I kiss Carl's cheek and he smiles as we put the flowers on our parents graves. Carl hugged my waist "I love you" Carl whispers as he kisses my neck. I wrap my arms around his neck as Madie chases a butterfly in the fields. I giggle at her and Carl chuckles. "Nanny i cant catch it!" Madie whines and crosses her arms over her chest. "Babygirl the butterfly is gonna be to fast. It's a creature that likes to be free not caught." I say. Madie frowns "But it's pretty." Madie pouts. "I know it is Madie." I say with a smile. "How bout we go inside and see the new baby?" Carl asks. Madie smiles "Can we please!" Madie jumps up and down. "Of course." We all went inside and made Madie sit down next to me and Carl as i held the sleeping baby. "Hey lets uh... lets eat." Glenn says. I nod and Madie runs over to the tables. I go next to her and Carl comes next to me. "We have dry cereal." Glenn says and pours us all some. Carl stared at his food blankly as we ate. "Eat I know your hungry." i tell him. He didn't budge "Don't start this crap with me Carl.We started today of good." I say as Beth stands up "Ill take her." Beth says quietly and takes the baby. Carl still just stared at his food. I push my plate to the side with a sign and Carl looked at me. "What are you doing?" "you dont eat I dont eat." I say simply. "Elana stop and eat! You haven't eaten in two days!" Carl says. "Nether have you Carl!" I shout. "And?" Carl Shouts at me "And! Thats not good Carl!" I shout back as i hear a door open and close. I turn around to see Rick. Carl looks at him and just stares. I look back at Carl and then his dad then bak towards Carl. "Eat please." i tell him Then look at Rick "Hey." Rick says. Carl stands up and walks away from me "Oh my god." i sigh as Carl moves his spots to get away from me. "Hey. hey stop." Rick stops Carl "Whats wrong?" Rick asks. "He wont eat and it's bothering the hell out of me! He hasn't eaten in two days! He has to eat something!" I shout. "Shes being stupid and wont eat because i wont eat! Okay its my decision on what to do with my fucking life not yours so calm down okay! I understand get fucking mad at me thats cool but don't fucking punish your self because of me!Its stupid your only hurting your self Elana!" Carl
Shouts back. "If I have to hurt myself then so be it!" I yell. "Don't you dare start yelling at me!Don't!" Carl
yells back at me. Rick grabbed Carl's
shoulder then walked him over to me "You fucking respect her or leave her." Rick tells Carl. "Whats it gonna be?" Rick asks. I look at Carl as he stays silent "Im not leaving her." Carl whispers. "Carl she is worried, we all are and you will not treat her like that for worrying." Rick says. "And don't......don't You dare ever yell at her agin, because one day she will be gone Carl! Gone! And all those mean hateful things will be the only thing that replays in your head! Do you hear me?"
Rick asks Carl. I bite my lip and look at my lap. Rick was thinking about Lori. He feels bad about all the things he said to Lori and doesn't want the same for Carl. My eyes started watering as i stood up just from thinking about it "she can be taken from you in minutes Carl, seconds actually. Dont get mad at her when she is only trying to help." Rick says."Look at where i am right now Carl. Why do you think im like this? Theres so many fucking hateful horrible mean things i said to your mother and they are the only thing i can think about right now." Ricks says "Like i said one day Elana will be gone and your not gonna be able to take back any thing." Rick says. I shake my head "Im sorry i cant its just to sad." i whisper and run outside. I didn't look at Carl's face to see what he was doing or trying to see what he was thinking but i hope what Rick said got to him like it got to me. I walk into the guard tower and sit on the outside railing as tears left my eyes. I just sat there on the rail for a little while till I saw Carl down way at the bottom. "Elana.....baby wh-what are you doing?" Carl asks with tears streaming down his face. I don't answer him i just stare at the ground that was way beneath me and swing my feet back and forth. "Baby please get down from there don't.....don't do something stupid." Carl says. I look at him and raise an eyebrow "You think im gonna jump off the fucking guard tower to kill my self?" I ask. Carl started crying more "I honestly don't know anymore Elana! You scare me so badly sometimes please just come down!" Carl begs. "Please if I wanted to kill myself i could do it in a MUCH more pain full way." I say as i shake my head. "Elana stop talking like that!" Carl cries. "Why? It's not like anyone would care if i was gone! Maggie could take care of Madie! I would be happier with mom and Sophia!" I say. "What are you saying your not happy with me?" Carl asks. "Do i not make you happy enough? Elana what..... what do you want me to do to make you happy? Tell me ill do what ever it is." Carl says. "Carl thats not what i said. It's just..... hard." i say. "Elana please just come down. I need to talk to you please Elana i need you right now." Carl says. I sigh and get off the railing "fine" i mumble. Get down from the guard tower and Carl hugs me "Don't ever do something like that agin." Carl says as he cries his eyes out into my shirt. "Why are you crying?" I ask. "I thought you were gonna do it." carl says. "I already told you i would do it a much more pain full way. Get the full affect." I say and Carl frowns at my choice of wording. "Im sorry i yelled, im sorry for every and when i say every i mean every god damn word Elana! Every god damn horrible mean nasty cruel world i have ever said to you i am so sorry. I...I never meant it. I never did never will. I need you Elana. I need you please please please don't ever leave me." Carl cries. I smile "Babe." I whisper as i wipe Carl's tears away with my thumbs. "I don't want to end up like my dad with regret of one day something were to happen you i don't want to spend my time thinking how hateful i was to you i want to spend my time thinking how much i loved you and how much i needed you and how much i will never want to let you go." Carl says. I nod as he clutches onto my arms with his hands "Its okay its okay. I forgive you." I say and Carl nods. I kiss his lips "I love you." i say. "You do realize you have to eat though. Carl you gotta get as much-" I say and Carl cuts me off "Strength that i need yeah i know. Im sorry I just. I was feeling down after visiting mom and didn't want to do any thing but sit there all gloomy." Carl says I nod "Thats fine we all have those days but still you cant do that." I say. Carl looks at me "What about you? You haven't eaten ether." Carl says. "I know
But i will soon because i am hungry." i say. Carl grabs my hands and pulls me
To the prison as he wipes his tears "Sit." he says and makes me sit at a table. "I already explained everything to Madie. You know the yelling. I told her it's something that just happens. You dont want it to and you don't like it but for some stupid reason it happens and after it happens you have to make It better." Carl says as he gets our bowls of cereal. He sits down next to me and hands me mine. "Am I making it better?" Carl asks me with seriousness in his voice. i nod "You are." I say with a nod. Carl grabs my left hand and laces it together with his right hand. "I love you." Carl tells me "A lot." he nods. I smile "I love you a lot too." i say. Carl smiles then frowns. "I still feel bad. Ive said a lot of mean things in the past to you." Carl sighs. I place my hand on his knee and rub Carl's knee with my thumb. "I forgave you for all of those things a long time ago Carl. You know that i even told you that after we settled everything." Carl nods and responds with an "I know". Carl and I finished eating. Carl sighed and I laid my head on his shoulder. "Hey were going look around your coming with us." Daryl says. Carl nods but stays quiet. We went loo around the prison with Daryl and one of the prisoners whos name i did not catch. "You know I lost my mom." Daryl says as we look around. Carl nods "She was smoking in bed and i wasn't there nether was Merle. She feel asleep wit h the cigarette.Burned down the entire house." Daryl explains. "I had to shoot her." Carl says. "I was the one who had to do it." He shakes his head. "I ended it." Carl says. I frown "I wish I would know what happened to my mom." I say . "I just.....I just hope it was quick. No pain. Shes had enough pain with dad and me her entire life." i stare at the floor "I hope i wasn't to much pain. I hope i wasn't to much of a problem,because i know
I was and still am with this whole trying to kill myself thing." "Elana your not a problem." Carl tells me "Really because i seem to make everyones life ten times more stressful." I argue. Carl frowns "Would you stop? Please. All you do if say negative things about your self and Im tired of it Elana!" Carl snaps at me. "Now fucking stop! Because like i said I'm tired of it." I nod "I should go check on Madie." i say quietly "No! Don't go run off and start feeling bad your staying here! Today sucks for us and yes we are fighting but we will get over it." Carl shouts. I start to walk away from Carl and he grabs my arm. I raise my hand "Let me go or I swear to god I will beat the living crap out of you." I yell. Carl looks at me in disbelief as he lets me go. He shakes his head "Im just trying to keep us together thats it." he spits at me. "Well maybe it isn't so meant to be Carl!Ever thought of that?" I yell. Carl shakes his head "Why would you say that?" Carl asks. He looked hurt. Really hurt. "Carl I didn't mean it.. I....Im sorry." i say and shake my head. I can't believe i said that. "Im sorry." i apologize then run to me and Carl's cell. Once I reached our cell block I could hear Carl running behind me. I ran into our cell with Carl not far behind me "We have to talk." He says. Carl kneels down in front of me as I sit on the bed and pull my knees up to my chest. "You don't love me anymore?" Carl asks "You think we should end it?" Carl asks. I shake my head and wrap my arms around Carl who was in front of me. "No. No i love you so much it's just..... theres so much sorrow I'm just snapping at everyone and saying the wrong things I'm sorry." I say. "I love you." I tell Carl. He hugs me back "You need rest." Carl says as he lays me down on our bed. "No i cant. I have to help Beth with the baby and we have to check the rest of the cell blocks and make sure we have formula and we have so much to do." "Your stressing yourself out Elana. You need rest." Carl kisses my temple. I pull him towards me "Don't leave me i need you." I whisper to him. Carl nods as he takes a knife out of his pocket. "It's
Your moms. We just found it." Carl puts it in my bag then lays down next to me. "Im sorry about today." I whisper. "No im sorry." Carl says. He looks at me and smiles "Your so beautiful." Carl whispers to me with a smile. I smile then sigh "I don't understand." Carl starts to play with my hair "Understand what baby?" Carl asks. "Understand why you deal with someone like me. I have such a crazy life but you dont care." i say. "I dont care about that." Carl pauses "I care about you because i love you and you get me and I get you. Like right now. we are both laying here sad in bed and
confused and we don't know what to do because we feel lost now that our moms are gone." I smile and tell Carl "That is true." Carl stands up and pulls me up with him "Lets go see the baby. Maybe that will take our minds off of all this sad shit." Carl pulls me down stairs then sits on a the stares. He pulls me
Down in front of him and places me
In his lap. We watched Hershel hold the baby while Beth cleaned some pot. No one said anything but Carl held me close to him. "So Wheres Maggie and Glenn?" I ask. "Getting formula and diapers for the baby they should be back soon they've been gone for some time." Beth tells me. Rick walked into the room and Carl's grip on me tightened a little as he tensed up. Rick walked over to the baby and Hershel put her in Rick's arms. For the first time Rick held that baby. The very first time. Carl smiled slightly and I kissed his cheek "Everything is gonna be okay in the end" I whisper. Carl nods and smiles "The little one woke up from her nap." Carl tells me. I look infront of me to see what he means only to find a little yawning four year old walking my way. Madie stretched and wiped her eyes as she sat down next to us on the stairs "Good morning sunshine." i smile. Madie smiles and lays her head on my lap "Hey. You gotta stay up or you wont get any sleep tonight." I say. Madie shakes her head "Madie." i warn as she closes her eyes "Madie you have to get up." I say. Madie shakes her head "Madie listen to me or i will put you in time out i will not be having you run around while everyone else is asleep so you need to wake up." I say and sit her up. Madie pulls her self away from me and looks at me angrily "Don't give me that look." i say. Madie stands up "Oh god." i sigh "What?" Carl asks. "Shes gonna have one of her I'm gonna do what I want acts. She does it when she didn't get a good nap. Thats the only time she is ever bad." i explain. Madie sirs down at the table and closes her eyes as she lays her head on it. Carl moves me off his lap and walks over to Madie "Madie get up. Your Nanny asked you nicely so you should listen or the walkers will get you." Carl says. I smile as Madie's head shoots up.
"Fine" she grumbles. I smile "Now lets go outside." I say. We all went outside and Madie straightened up thankfully. Rick smiles at his new born child that was in his arms. "She looks like you." Rick says. I smile "Baby she does!
She has your nose!"I gush. Carl smiles as Madie runs around outside in the gates of course.i smile and look out towards the field "Carl. Rick." I say. Carl grabs on to me "What? What's wrong?"he asks "Theres a woman in the field." I say. There stood im the field a dark skinned women with long brown hair and a katana. Rick hands me the baby then runs towards the fields. "Get Madie and go inside with her and the baby." Carl says as he pulls out his gun. "Carl-" "Elana go! Now!" Carl says. I nod "Madie come on lets go." I say. I got inside with the girls and see Daryl walk in "There you are! Your mom she is alive i found her." Daryl says. I smile "Wh-What?" I ask. Daryl nods "Momma isn't dead?" I ask. "No shes just resting." Daryl says. Carl walks in with Rick holding this woman. "Carl my mom is alive!" I tell him as tears prick my eyes. Carl smiles "Really? Elana thats great!" Carl says happily. He hugs me from the side "What did you say earlier today?" Carl asks. "That everything would be okay." i say. Carl kisses my cheek "I really do think it will be okay for you, and Madie, and your mom." Carl says. I nod "I just wish everything could be okay for a few minutes." I sigh as Hershel
Checks the lady and Rick starts to ask her questions. "I wish so too. Maggie and Glenn are missing according to her and in danger." Carl tells me as I start to sway back and forth with the baby. "Yep if everything could be okay for a few minutes, maybe we could actually enjoy eachother."