Anesthesia

[39]

The feeling was similar to the feeling you get while standing on the edge of a very steep cliff. Her hands were trembling violently as she felt more than a thousand gazes fixed on her. A slithering feeling crept into her gut as if she was about to puke any second now. She gulped as she gazed down at her throbbing ankle and bit back her lips from wincing. She was not going to wince. Not this time...

Her forehead was burning where Buzz's warm lips had touched. Her heart had lightened a bit in those few seconds.

I'm sorry, I'm really a mess right now/ I'm trying my best to get it together somehow

Her arms fluttered into open air, first her left and then her right. Her face tilted towards the directions of her arms gracefully, her lips parted the way she was instructed to. Her arms waved around the air and her crossed feet were on the ground. Sweat had started to build up on her forehead as she raised her left arm and curved it above her head, her head reaching up high and her clean foot pushing back to stand on the toes. Her bruised foot was lying flat on the ground.

Stars fade away they just crash into space

Her body bent down in a curved position and then reached back up, her arms high in the sky while her leg reached up in the sky from behind her back. She was standing on the bruise and a sharp pain radiated through her body, causing her to stumble. The apocalyptic pain was back. Her ankle was on fire. There were people looking at her, some with amusement, others with disapproval.

Tell me where love goes when it's gone

She tried to keep up with every step she was supposed to keep up with. She was successful with the graceful bending but she couldn't stand on one foot. Feeling the thousand gazes bore on her, tears began to build up in the back on her mind. This was it. She was the butterfly she was supposed to portray. Maybe it hurts because you pay too much attention on it, Buzz's words rang into her mind.

I'll come around again/ I know it's not the end

She sprung across the whole stage which was starting to fill up with background dancing rushing in with wings attached to their arms. She was the only one wingless. She could notice many gazes of displeasure. The steps were gradually evacuating her mind and her breath. She couldn't do anything. It was only a few seconds before the soft chorus when her gaze fell on someone behind the audience, smiling. For a while, it seemed like Buzz to her but it wasn't.

The soft hair. The gentle eyes. The honey smile. Something that she hadn't seen for years.

Mom, She wanted to cry out loud.

Tell me where love goes when it's gone/ Tell me where hearts go when they go wrong.

She could hear her her heart leaping. It was as if adrenaline was exploding in her veins. She couldn't focus on the gazes. She couldn't focus on the sweat plastered on her forehead. She couldn't focus on the throbbing pain.

All she could focus was on the lyrics.

Suddenly someone is no one I've come, undone, undone, undone

The lights flared up in the stage at the dancers covered the background, pretending to be butterflies. But the attention was on Agnes, who was flying winglessly. Her arms soared in the sky and her leg reached up. The pain radiated through her body but was shut down by adrenaline. Her arms formed a circle and she started to spin. She was barely able to stand on her toe but she did it.

She didn't feel like the helpless butterfly. She wasn't that anymore.

She had finally embraced the pain in her ankle.

In the end, she bent down on one knee and cocooned her small body with her arms, her head bent down and listening to her heart hammering in her ears. It was all she could hear before the silence. Her breath was caught in the throat at the eerie silence in the room.

At first she could hear soft breaths.

Then slowly, the room burst into a loud applause.